In this humorous game, you play as the newly-awakened AI of a colony ship orbiting Gliese 581 G. You soon learn that the ship is heavily damaged, the cargo bays are empty, everyone is in cryogenic storage, and the planet has been rejected for colonization. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to take everyone safely back to Earth, which is 22 light years away.
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 1 of the game.
Note that leaving Van de Kamp's Folly will be difficult because of the high gravity and pressure, but a sustained attempt to leave it will succeed.
Walkthroughs
For this game, writing a single walkthrough for just the best ending would be a disservice. You are encouraged to replay this game several times, trying different things, to find out what consequences your actions have both on you and on your helpless frozen human passengers.
Walkthrough 1: Taking the long way home
In this walkthrough, we're not interested in what ending we get. We just want to see as much as we can on the way to Earth. This is pretty reckless as far as our passengers are concerned since the majority of them will die.
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
> x closet planet. x star. x me. x banks.
Choose a new name for yourself.
> NEW-NAME. yes.
Optionally examine yourself as thoroughly as you like. You will not be able to repair anything, though. This isn't that sort of game.
> i. x bays.
> x hull. x cockpit. x medical bay. x corridors. x cryosystems.
> x systems. x high drive. x low drive. x life support.
> x external sensors. x internal sensors. x logic. x web.
> x crew. x colonists.
Examine the area a bit more, now that you know where you are:
> look. x G. x land. x storm. x A. x star.
> x Sol. x galaxy. x subroutine.
Now start heading home:
> u. in. in. in.
Near Kapteyn's Star
> x star. x Pictor. x asteroids. x asteroid. x thrusters.
> d. d.
Your Personal Asteroid
> x crystals. take crystals. x crystals.
> u. u. in. in.
Near YZ Ceti
> x star. x Tau Ceti. x Cetus.
> x YZ Ceti A. x YZ Ceti B.
> d. d.
Surface of YZ Ceti B
> x projections. take projections. x servobot.
> x mist. take mist. x mist.
If the life form hasn't appeared yet, wait for it.
> x form. take form.
> u. u. in. in. in.
Near Barnard's Star
> x star. x Folly. d. d.
Surface of Van de Kamp's Folly
Unfortunately, there's nothing down here to see. Also, say yes to keep going when trying to leave here.
> u. y. y. y. u.
Near Barnard's Star
> x form.(It's probably dead by now.)
> drop form.
> in. in.
Near Sol
> x Sol. x Earth. x Jupiter. d.
Orbiting Earth
It's okay to wait a few turns in orbit until they order you to land. But do land when instructed to.
> x satellites. z. z. d.
Surface of Earth
> x foliage. x vehicle. z.
It's possible you won't get this ending if you still have the mist or if you somehow managed to kill all your passengers on the way here, but this is the most likely ending to a grand tour playthrough.
*** It's more fun than the real galaxy, anyway. ***
Walkthrough 2: Winning ending (Nobody dead)
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
For this ending, just go directly to Earth without stopping to examine anything.
Note: There is a small chance someone will die if there's a solar flare when you arrive at Near YZ Ceti. If this happens, UNDO that turn and try again.
> x banks. NEW-NAME. yes.
> u. in. in. in. in. in.
> in. in. in. in. in. d. d.
Surface of Earth
> z. z. z.
*** You are such a winner. ***
Walkthrough 3: Worth it ending
For this ending, repeatedly head away from Sol.
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
> x banks. NEW-NAME. yes.
> u. out.
Interstellar Space (several locations)
> out. out. out. out. yes.
*** Heck no, it's absolutely worth it! ***
Walkthrough 4: Freedom ending
For this ending, first make sure everyone is dead, then repeatedly head away from Sol. The quickest way to kill off everyone is to wake them. (Normally, you can also drop them from orbit and kill them that way, but you can't do it here at this planet because they rejected it for colonization.)
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
> x banks. NEW-NAME. yes.
> wake crew. wake colonists.
> u. out.
Interstellar Space (several locations)
> out. out. out. out. yes.
*** Hooray for freedom! ***
Walkthrough 5: Destroyed in orbit ending
For this ending, go directly to Earth's orbit and just stay there without landing.
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
> x banks. NEW-NAME. yes.
> u. in. in. in. in. in.
> in. in. in. in. in. d.
Orbiting Earth
> z. z. z. z. z. z. z.
*** Jerks. ***
Walkthrough 6: All dead ending
For this ending, kill off everyone then continue directly to Earth.
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
> x banks. NEW-NAME. yes.
> wake crew. wake colonists.
> u. in. in. in. in. in.
> in. in. in. in. in. d. d.
Surface of Earth
> z. z. z.
*** You have changed history forever! ***
Walkthrough 7: Mostly dead ending
For this ending, kill just the colonists then go directly to Earth. Leave the crew alive.
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
> x banks. NEW-NAME. yes.
> wake colonists.
> u. in. in. in. in. in.
> in. in. in. in. in. d. d.
Surface of Earth
> z. z. z.
*** It's more fun than the real galaxy, anyway. ***
Walkthrough 8: Mostly alive, but quite a few deaths ending
For this ending, kill just the crew then go directly to Earth. Leave the colonists alive.
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
> x banks. NEW-NAME. yes.
> wake crew.
> u. in. in. in. in. in.
> in. in. in. in. in. d. d.
Surface of Earth
> z. z. z.
*** Well, you can't win them all. (In Kerbal Space Program, you can hardly win them any.) ***
Walkthrough 9: Only a few deaths ending
For this ending, get the crystal, carry it for only a short time so only a few people die, drop it, then go directly to Earth.
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
> x banks. NEW-NAME. yes.
> u. in. in. in. d. d.
Your Personal Asteroid
While you carry the crystals, there's a random chance every turn that some of your passengers will die.
> x crystal. take crystal. x crystal.(Very radioactive!)
> u. u.
Near Kapteyn's Star
> x crew. x colonists. drop crystal.
Hopefully only a small number of people have died. Now head directly for Earth.
> in. in. in. in. in. in. in. d. d.
Surface of Earth
> z. z. z.
*** Well, you can't win them all. ***
Walkthrough 10: Destroyed after landing ending
For this ending, pick up the yellow mist then go directly to Earth.
In Planetary Orbit / Orbiting Gliese 581 G
> x banks. NEW-NAME. yes.
> u. in. in. in. in. in.
Near YZ Ceti
> d. d.
Surface of YZ Ceti B
> take mist. x mist.(mostly gaseous F2)
> u. u. in. in. in. in. in. d. d.
Surface of Earth
> z. z.
*** Well, that didn't go as well as it might have. ***
This ending can also be achieved by bringing the spiky life form to Earth, but that's more tricky to accomplish, since the life form will persist in attacking the cargo bay walls and end up killing itself when the mist it needs to survive seeps out.
If you really want to see the life form attack the response team on Earth, keep a careful watch on the cargo bay integrity. While transporting the life form, if the subroutine tells you that the cargo bay integrity has been breached, UNDO that turn and try again.
Walkthrough 11: The most boring nihilistic ending
In Planetary Orbit
> turn off me. yes.
*** For some reason, that never happens. ***
Extras
Characters
You are a newly-awakened artificial intelligence in control of the colony ship. It's your duty to return everyone back to Earth, but exploring the galaxy sure looks like fun!
The crew normally operate the colony ship, but now that they're all in cryosleep, it's your ship now! There's 30 crew members, but you have no real interest in any of them.
The colonists were meant to colonize Gliese 581 G, but for some reason, they didn't want to land there. And they're all in cryosleep now, so they don't say or do much. There's 500 colonists.
The spiky silicate life form is found on YZ Ceti B. It's a bit like a koala and a bit like a wolverine? Can we keep it?
Several humans form a response team to engage with you when you land on Earth, but they are so rude! Without asking you for permission or anything, they will first activate an AI suppression field, then plunder your cargo bays, and finally extract any of the crew or colonists who are still alive.
You may build another AI to play with if you get the It's more fun than the real galaxy, anyway ending.
Credits
From the response to CREDITS:
Extensive thanks go to the Homecoming betatest team, Dani Church, Jason Hoggatt, and Colin Sandel, for their impressive enthusiasm for breaking the game.
A thank you also goes to Gareth Collins, H. Jay Melosh, and Robert Marcus for the Impact: Earth! system, which was helpful in understanding the potential effects of asteroid strikes upon a planetary body. (And if you would like to simulate a variety of asteroid impacts upon Earth for yourself, please direct your browser to http://www.purdue.edu/impactearth.)
Endings
For some reason, that never happens.
if you turn yourself off. The ending means that no one will ever manually turn you back on again.
Hooray for freedom!
if you persist in going away from Sol while everyone is dead.
Heck no, it's absolutely worth!
if you persist in going away from Sol while anyone is still alive.
Jerks.
if you refuse to land on Earth and stubbornly remain orbiting Earth.
Well, that didn't go as well as it might have.
if the response team encounters the highly corrosive yellow mist, or
if the response team encounters the spiky silicate life form.
You have changed history forever!
if you return to Earth with no surviving passengers.
It's more fun than the real galaxy, anyway.
if you return to Earth with most of your passengers dead.
Well, you can't win them all. (In Kerbal Space Program, you can hardly win them any.)
if you return to Earth with most of your passengers alive, but a significant number dead.
Well, you can't win them all.
if you return to Earth with almost everyone still alive, but there were a small number of deaths.
You are such a winner
if you return to Earth with everyone still alive.
Note for endings on Earth where you're not destroyed:
If the response team finds the pink crystals in your cargo bays, the response team will be exposed to lethal radiation, but they won't die immediately.
If your cargo bays get damaged, a technician will remark on that fact.
Inventory
Parts of you:
memory banks. Examine them. The memory banks appear to be your only initial possession, but after you examine them, you not only learn what you are, you also learn your situation and what else you have.
cargo bays. Initially empty, they can carry any new items you find. The bays can be damaged by either the spiky silicate life form's attacks or by the high atmospheric pressure on Van de Kamp's Folly. When damaged, the bays can no longer stop any yellow mist you have from seeping out.
hull damage. Examine it, but you cannot repair it. You may examine its secondary features: cockpit, medical bay, corridors, and cryosystems.
systems damage. Examine it, but you cannot repair it. You may examine its secondary features: high FTL drive, low FTL drive, life support, external sensor grid, internal sensors, logic circuits, communication web, subroutine, and your servobots.
frozen crew and frozen colonists. You begin with 30 crew and 500 colonists in cryosleep. They can die in several ways: from an ill-advised attempt to revive them, from radiation poisoning, and from equipment failure. The more people you can keep alive, the better.
close-up records of the YZ Ceti flare cycle. You will begin making these recordings when you see YZ Ceti flare for the second time. Flares are visible everywhere near YZ Ceti, including while you're on the planet YZ Ceti B. However, be aware that every flare is probably killing off a small number of your crew and colonists, and the response team on Earth won't care one little bit about your flare records.
Potential cargo:
clump of shiny pink crystals. They're on your personal asteroid and they're highly radioactive.
Every turn while you're carrying them, there's a chance some of your crew and colonists will die of radiation poisoning. Even the spiky life form can be killed this way.
If you take the crystals to Earth, the response team will receive a lethal dose of radiation, but they won't die immediately.
drifting yellow mist. It's on the surface of YZ Ceti B. It's highly corrosive gaseous F2 (mostly). The spiky silicate life form can't live long without it.
If your cargo bays are breached either by the spiky life form or by the high pressure on the surface of Van de Kamp's Folly, then the mist will seep into the corridors and some of your human passengers will die.
If the response team finds the yellow mist in your cargo bays, they'll die immediately and you'll be blasted into smithereens soon afterwards.
spiky silicate life form. It can appear on the surface of YZ Ceti B, but you may need to wait several turns for it to arrive.
When in the cargo bays, the life form has a small random chance of seriously damaging the cargo bays so they depressurize.
If the cargo bays are depressurized, the life form dies within a few turns. If you jettison the yellow mist after taking the life form, the life form will die a few turns later. The life form can also die several turns after exposure to the pink crystals.
If the life form dies, it's restyled as the spiky silicate dead form.
If the life form arrives on Earth alive, it attacks the response team and you'll be blasted into smithereens soon afterwards.
Oddly, the response team has no reaction to the spiky silicate dead form, as if it wasn't even there.