In this sprawling fantasy game, you play as Christine Doyle, a young teacher. You come home from work to discover your husband and son are missing. If you search your home, you'll find a spellbook, some scrolls, and eventually learn your son was stolen by David Bowie?! Wasn't that just in a movie?
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on "Version 5" (Release 1 / Serial number 100425) of the game. Please make sure you play version 5 of the game; earlier versions have a bug preventing you from using the Swallow spell.
SPOILERS AHEAD. Reading a walkthrough prematurely can sometimes diminish one's enjoyment of an interactive fiction game. Please make an honest effort to play the game before reading this walkthrough.
Note that the doors for the walkways between the towers are locked, and you never find a key that opens them.
Conversation uses the ASK/TELL/GIVE/ASK FOR model.
IMPORTANT: You must find a jar of pennies and be outside with it by turn 50, or you won't be able to win the game. So ignore the living room for now; there'll be plenty of time to fully explore later.
> verbose. notify on.
> x me. i. x clothes.
There's two dogs and a cat wandering around. Feel free to examine and pet them when you encounter them. They won't be important until much later in the game.
> x thermostat.(Set to 65, the highest Dan likes it.)
> x dresser. open dresser.(Several outfits!)
None of your outfits in your dresser have any useful descriptions, so don't waste your time examining them.
> x computer.("Consult wikipedia about ...")
> consult Wikipedia about Dan.(You get the author's email address.)
> consult Wikipedia about universe.
> consult Wikipedia about earth.
> consult Wikipedia about xyzzy.
> take computer. g.
> x bed. look under bed. x rifle.(unloaded)
> x footlocker.(Dial goes from 0 to 40)
> move footlocker.(Crawlspace door revealed.)
> x small door. open it. in.
> take jar and bullets.
> x jar. count pennies.(69,105, of course.)
> x bullets. load rifle.(You put a bullet in.)
> out. d. sw. w.
West of House
> x mailbox. open mailbox. take leaflet. read it.
> z.(Repeat waiting until salesman arrives.)
At turn 50, a salesman approaches you, offering a Super Snuggy for $691.05. If you don't buy it in the next four turns, he leaves and you've lost your chance.
> x salesman. buy snuggy.(+10, using the jar of pennies)
> x snuggy.
Now that you have the Snuggy, relax and search your home, taking your time, and picking up things that may help you later.
You don't need the sword or lantern.
> x toys. x sword. x lantern.
> x carpet. x door.
> x couch. look under couch. x remote.
> x center. x TV. turn on TV. watch TV.
> x case.(You have no treasures.)
> x chair. x stains. x window.
> x closet. open closet. x cleaner.
> ne. w.
> x bed. x cage. x guinea pig.
> x machine. turn on machine.(A fabric scroll is printed.)
> take fabric. read it.
> x desk. x craft desk. open it.
> x Bible. read Bible.(Noah's Ark is the "combination".)
> x tape. take tape.
> x other desk.
> open closet. x crate. open crate.(Can't without tools.)
> e. u.
> consult Wikipedia about Noah's Ark.(Genesis 6-8:22)
> turn dial to 6. turn dial to 8. turn dial to 22.
> open footlocker. take spellbook.
> x it. read it. filfre.
> consult Wikipedia about spells.("COPY scroll")
> copy fabric scroll.(+5)
There are six future visions you can get. Many are useful hints, but the one vision you must see is the one about the shed door combination: 0-4-2.
> gopscot. g. g. g. g. g.(Repeat until you've seen the combo.)
> d. e.
> x toilet. x closet. x shower.
> read shower.("Ma Loves DA")
> x mirror. read mirror.(notes of love)
> use toilet.(Oo, rant.)
> turn on shower. w.
One of the visions hinted about mist in the bathroom.
> set thermostat to 59.(At 59, the house is "annoyingly cold".)
When the house is cold, the shower produces mist. If neceassry, WAIT until a word forms in the mist on the mirror.
> z. z.
> read mirror.("Celuxed: open hidden magical portals")
> copy mirror.(+5; the mirror disappears!)
> read spellbook.(The Celuxed spell is now there.)
> turn off shower. w.
> set thermostat to 65.(The cold messages stop.)
None of the food in the fridge or freezer have any descriptions, so don't bother examining them all. But take the cottage cheese.
> x fridge. open it. take cheese. close fridge.
> x freezer. open it. close freezer.
> x sink. x dishes.
> n. e.
Did you cast Gopscot and see a vision about the shed's combination? By the way, if you cast Postcog here, you can learn the combo that way too.
> x grass. x shed.(Has a 3-digit lock; dial one at a time.)
> set dial to 0. set dial to 4. set dial to 2.
> open door. in.
> x grill. x mower. x table. x junk.
> x box. open box. x marijuana. x lighter.
> x hammer.
> take box and hammer.
> consult Wikipedia on marijuana.(Trolls prefer it.)
> consult Wikipedia on trolls.(They are friendlier when stoned and can be destroyed with milk.)
> out. w. s. sw. w.
You don't need the manifesto or any grue stuff. The other stuff is useful.
> open crate(with the hammer). look in crate.
> x grue suit. x repellent. x treats.
> x manifesto. read it. x fish. take it.
> x red scroll. read it. take it. copy it.(+5)
> read spellbook.(The Drunak spell is now there.)
> consult Wikipedia on communism.
> consult Wikipedia on grue.
> e. ne. d.
> x junk. x washing.(See loose block in west wall.)
> x block. push block.(Secret doorway west!)
Hidden Basement Room
> x pencil.(You don't need a worn-out pencil.)
> x stairs. look under stairs.(Acquire the black scroll!)
> read black scroll. copy it.(+5; "Managra")
> x dryer. open it.
There's a way to learn what to cast Celuxed at by looking into a crystal ball, but you haven't found that yet, and it's a bit faster to just use info from previous play-sessions or from a walkthrough. The dryer needs to be open for its portal.
> celuxed dryer.(A portal appears!)
> enter tunnel.
Land of Socks
> x socks. take sock. x it.(Spell on it, but backwards.)
> enter tunnel. u. sw. se.
Note that you can put things in front of the mirror.
> x crib. open closet. x mirror. x toys. x toy box.
> celuxed mirror.
> put sock in front of mirror. enter tunnel.
You can read the reversed sock.
> take sock. read sock.("Wallows")
> copy sock. read spellbook.(The Wallows spell is now there.)
> enter tunnel. nw. ne.
> open freezer. celuxed freezer. enter tunnel.
Yikes, it's freezing! Go back and change into something warmer:
> enter tunnel. sw. u.
> wear winter.
> d. ne. enter tunnel.
Winter clothes help, but you can't stay here forever.
> x eskimo. shoot wolf.(Don't bother; only shoot living things.)
The eskimo sees the wolf and rubs orange powder on a fish.
> ask eskimo about powder.("Poison. Makes wolf sick.")
> ask eskimo about fish.("Kipper. Type of herring.")
> x hole. x shack. x rack. x igloo.
> ask eskimo about cold.(He needs warmer clothes.)
> give snuggy to eskimo.(+10. He gives you a vial.)
> enter tunnel. sw. u. in.
> x vial.
> celuxed attic. enter tunnel.
> x dragon. x golden box. x treasure. x torches.
> consult Wikipedia about dragon.(They love snacks and are immune to poison.)
> ask dragon about box.
The dragon won't talk to you unless you look like a medieval warrior princess?!
> enter tunnel. out.
> wear bikini.
> in. enter tunnel.
If you're wearing the chainmail bikini, the dragon will talk to you.
> ask dragon about dragon.(His name is Murray.)
> ask dragon about treasure. ask dragon about box.
> ask dragon about heart.
Worry about the dragon later.
> enter tunnel. out.
> wear teaching.
> d. sw.
At this point, I want you to use the Postcog spell in several locations to see visions of the past. What? Oh right, I haven't told you about Postcog yet.
If you cast Managra on your spellbook, all of your spells are anagrammed into a second set of spells. Cast Anagram on your spellbook to revert them back.
> managra spellbook. read spellbook.
> postcog.(You see Dan getting frustrated with Danny.)
> postcog.(You see Dan take Danny into his room, then David Bowie carrying Danny, persued by Dan.)
> postcog.(You see Dan accidentally summoning David Bowie, who steals Danny.)
> consult Wikipedia about goblin king.
> nw. ne.
> postcog.(You see Dan attacking David. They tumble down the stairs; another goblin carries Danny after them.)
> postcog.(You see David create a portal with a crystal. Then Dan uses a magic wand to cast FROBOZZLE at the portal before everyone disappears inside it. The crystal falls behind the stairs.)
> look. take crystal. x it. look in it.
Hm. Looking in the crystal reveals all possible portals in the current room.
> x light.
Hidden Basement Room
> postcog.(You see yourself enter via a portal, take a pencil, erase the spellbook, then drop both with a magic wand, then leave. Then a young Dan enters and takes the spellbook and wand.)
> e. u. sw. sw.
If the TV is off, turn it on with the tunnel.
> look in crystal. anagram spellbook. celuxed TV.
Before entering, drop off a few things you don't need any more.
> drop leaflet, remote, hammer, ball.
> enter tunnel.
The north path is dangerous; avoid that way for now.
> read sign.
> consult Wikipedia about fairy tales.
> consult Wikipedia about boy who cried wolf.
> consult Wikipedia about three little pigs.
> consult Wikipedia about Little Red Riding Hood.
> consult Wikipedia about Little Miss Muffet.
> consult Wikipedia about giant.(Take their heart and break it.)
> consult Wikipedia about Jack and Jill.
> consult Wikipedia about Hansel and Gretel.
> consult Wikipedia about witch.
> consult Wikipedia about woman who swallowed a fly.
IMPORTANT: While you're in the land of fairy tales, you may at random times hear someone cry "Wolf!". When that happens, head to the Meadow southeast from here as soon as possible.
If there's no wolf there, return back to whatever you were doing.
But if there is a wolf there, you must quickly do the following before any cows are eaten:
> put powder on fish. give fish to wolf.(+15. Boy gives you a cow!)
Start with Grandma's House:
Outside Grandma's House
> x bucket. take it. in.
Inside Grandma's House
> shoot wolf.(+15. Little Red gives you a cake.)
> x Hood. ask Hood about wolf.
> x wolf's corpse. x cake. ask Hood about cake.
> load rifle.
> out. se. w.
> x troll. w.(She won't let you pass.)
> give marijuana to troll.(Now she wants a light.)
> give lighter to troll.(She lets you cross.)
> drop pencil box.
> x goat. x hole. take dirty scroll.
> read it. copy it.(+5; "Digest")
> e. e. sw.
Bottom of Hill
Note: How you're dressed affects how Jack and Jill react to you. If you look attractive, Jill blocks Jack from talking to you, and she won't answer any questions either.
> x Jack. x Jill.
> ask Jack about Jill. ask Jack about hill.
> ask Jack about crown.(Protects against hostile magic.)
> ask Jack about leg.(It's hurt, so he can't go back up.)
> ask Jill about Jack. ask Jill about hill.
> ask Jill about crown.
> u.(It's too steep.)
> consult Wikipedia about climbing hills.
> ne. s.
> x tuffet. x miss.
> ask miss about tuffet. ask miss about lunch.
> ask miss about spider.
> give cheese to miss.(A spider yells. Muffet drops the cheese and runs around a bit before sitting down again. The spider leaves.)
> take cheese.
> n. se.
> x boy. x cows. x wall.
I couldn't find a topic that the boy responds to. Deal with him later.
> nw. e.
> x straw house. x stick house. x brick house.
> x straw pig. ask straw pig for scroll.(Has top of a scroll.)
> x stick pig. ask stick pig for scroll.(Has middle of scroll.)
> x brick pig. ask brick pig for scroll.(Has bottom of scroll.)
> enter straw house. open it.(It's locked; they're all locked.)
> w. u. e.
Inside Giant's Castle
> x giant. x egg. x machine.
> x paintings. g. g.
> x harp. x goose. x eggs.
> take egg.
> enter machine.(Giant stops you: "Stay off of my weather machine!")
> ask giant about machine.
The giant won't answer any questions unless you're attractively dressed.
> w. d. enter tunnel. ne. u.
> wear gown.
> d. sw. enter tunnel. u. e.
Inside Giant's Castle
> ask giant about machine. ask giant about himself.
> ask giant about harp. ask giant about goose.
> ask giant about egg.(You can have it.)
> ask giant about horn. ask giant about heart.
> w. d. n.
Path of Crumbs
> x birds. s.
By this time, the boy should have cried wolf and you've fed the wolf a poisoned fish and received a cow as a reward. If that hasn't happened yet, waste time waiting here until you hear him call, and respond as appropriate in the Meadow. If there's no wolf, return here and wait some more. Otherwise:
> put powder on fish. give fish to wolf.(+15)
I will now assume that you have the cow.
Now about that cake you got from Little Red Riding Hood. If you ever tried eating the cake, or giving the cake to the dragon, you learned that whoever eats the cake turns into a fly. There's really no way to learn that fact except by doing it and then using UNDO or restoring your game from a save file to get the cake back.
To deal with the dragon, you will need to act out the woman who swallowed a fly story.
Yes, you will need to swallow a fly, a spider, a bird, a cat, a dog, a goat, a cow, and a horse. You need the Swallow spell from your spellbook to do this. Whenever you swallow a creature, your health will decrease by 1 every turn from 20 until you swallow the next creature or die, so you can't dilly-dally too much.
Head for the dragon; the cow will stay in fairy tale land:
> enter tunnel. ne. u. in. enter tunnel.
> managra spellbook. read spellbook.(You should see Swallow listed.)
> give cake to dragon.(He eats it and becomes a fly!)
> swallow fly.
Head for the Lunch Spot:
> enter tunnel. out. d. sw. enter tunnel. s.
> sit on tuffet. eat cheese. swallow spider.(+2)
> stand. n. n.
Path of Crumbs
> throw egg at birds. swallow bird.(+2)
> s. enter tunnel. ne. ne.
While carrying any food (such as the cottage cheese), your pets will usually follow you, but not always. I'm assuming they're all here; if they're not, look for them.
> swallow Jeeba.(+2)
> swallow Luna —or— swallow Ravi.(+2)
> sw. sw. enter tunnel. w. w.
> swallow goat.(+2)
> swallow cow.(+2)
> e. e. enter tunnel. ne. e.
> open toilet. g. g.
> stiged poop.(The horse goes to the hallway!)
> swallow horse.
> anagram spellbook.
> digest me.(+10. You run back to the bathroom.)
> save.(That ordeal is over.)
> w. u. in. enter tunnel.
> open golden box. x heart. take it.
> enter tunnel. out. d. sw. enter tunnel. u. e.
Inside Giant's Castle
> show heart to giant. break heart.(+10)
> ask harp about giant. ask harp about machine.
> enter machine —or— get on machine.
> x machine.(Monitor and 12 buttons.)
> x monitor.
> x blue spiral.(suggests a tornado)
> x blue circle.(cloud with stars)
> x orange circle.(sun)
> x orange semi-circle.(sun behind clouds)
> x gray square.(rain)
> x red circle.(hot and sunny, I think)
> x gray cloud-shaped.(cloudy)
> x white star.(hail)
> x white square.(no markings; it's for white fog)
> x black square.(no markings; it's for darkness)
> x yellow.(lightning)
Give the pigs some bad weather:
> push gray square. x monitor.(Rain knocks over the straw house.)
> push yellow. x monitor.(Lightning burns the sticks house.)
> push blue circle. x monitor.(Cold and snowing.)
Detour to master bedroom to wear the winter clothing:
> stand. w. d. enter tunnel. ne. u.
> wear winter.
> d. sw. enter tunnel. e.
> z.(+10. Repeat waiting, as long as necessary, until a big bad wolf arrives, fails to blow down the brick house, and then climbs into the chimney and dies. The pigs leave. Their front door is now open.)
> enter house.
> take all scroll.
> repair top.(+5; using the tape)
> read fixed scroll. copy it.(+5; "Stairs")
Let's wear your original clothes for the rest of the game:
> out. w. enter tunnel. ne. u.
> wear teaching.
> d. sw. enter tunnel. sw.
Bottom of Hill
> stairs. u.
Top of Hill
You can also get water from the Troll Bridge, Bathroom, and Kitchen.
> x well. get water.(using bucket)
> x crown. take it.(+5)
> wear crown. d. ne. n. n.
Outside Gingerbread House
CAUTION: The witch inside the house casts a deadly spell at you as soon as you enter. You must be wearing the crown to survive her attack!
> eat house. n.
Inside Gingerbread House
The witch casts a spell at you with her wand, but the crown protects you.
> shoot witch —or— throw water at witch.(+15)
> load rifle.(if you shot her)
> take wand.
> read arcane book. read nature of magic.
> read source of magic. read types of magic.
> read powers of wand.(CHANT a magic word beginning with F. The word "Frobozzle" opens closed portals.)
> x oven. open it. x pies.("Hansel" and "Gretel")
> x potion box. take it.
> x purple potion.("Potion of Limited Flight")
> x green potion.("Prevents Shapechanging")
> x blue potion.("Transforms a goblin to human and vice versa")
> x yellow potion.("Strong Laxative")
> x orange potion.("Temporary Invisibility")
> x red potion.("Causes creatures to attack you singlemindedly")
> s. s. s. enter tunnel.
Before heading for the goblin realm, you probably should close up all the other portals. I assume you don't want them open forever, yes?
> managra spellbook. exclude tunnel.
> ne. u. in.
> exclude tunnel.
> out. d. ne.
> exclude tunnel. close freezer.
> exclude tunnel.
> point wand at light. chant frobozzle.(+10)
> enter portal.
CAUTION: Going into the future immediately is fatal. You must first establish the past.
Hidden Basement Room
Unhappily, you now need to do what you saw yourself do in this room's postcog vision. The wand you got from the witch must become the wand that Dan used to cast Frobozzle.
> take new pencil. x it.
> erase spellbook.
> drop pencil. drop spellbook. drop wand.
> enter portal.(+5)
The past portal is now closed.
That portal closes too.
> x clock. e.
> drink purple potion.(+10. You fly all the way to...)
CAUTION: The soldiers will kill you if they see you.
> x bridge. x soldiers. x moat.
> drink orange potion. ne.
The north door is locked; the other doors are just closed.
> open east door. e.
CAUTION: The big goblin will kill you if you don't throw the yellow potion at him immediately. Don't hesitate!
> throw yellow potion at goblin.(The goblin flees.)
> take iron key.
> x window.(You see magical energy in North Tower; mirrors in South Tower.)
> d. ne.
> x throne. move throne.
I assume if you got this far, you don't want to miss this joke:
> dance. what babe. what power.
> hooodoo. do what.
> you remind me of the babe.
> the babe with the power.
> the power of voodoo. you do.
Getting on with it.
> open trap door. d.
Weirdly, you can't talk to Dan when the cell isn't open.
> x Dan. unlock cell with iron key.(+5)
> give rifle to Dan.(+3)
> give bullets to Dan.(+2)
> ask Dan about wand.
> ask Dan about David Bowie.
> u. sw.
CAUTION: There's a bug if you drink the red potion here and go south. The magical goblins will attack forever.
> open south door. s.
This is a very dangerous location. The only way to prevail here is with both the red potion and Dan.
> drink red potion.(+20)
The goblins go mad, attacking all your reflections. Dan shoots them all. Dan grabs the wand.
> d. open west door. w.
> x goblin. x symbols. x gold key.
> Dan, point wand at goblin.(+20. "Fire!")
> take gold key. d.
> unlock north door with gold key.
> open north door. n.
David Bowie threatens to turn Danny into a goblin.
> x David —or— x Danny.
David does turn Danny into a goblin! Dan blasts David with the wand. David turns into an owl, evading the blast.
> throw green potion at David.(+30)
Dan destroys the owl. You use your last blue potion to restore Danny, and Dan uses the last of the wand's power to open a portal home.
*** You have won ***
My top score is 264 out of 300, but I can only assume that a section of the game involving grues was omitted, and the missing points are associated with that region.
Dan is your husband. Danny is your young son. They're both missing. David Bowie kidnapped Danny. Dan, using a magic wand, persued them into the goblin realm. You need to rescue both Dan and Danny. During your battle with Bowie, he turns Danny into a goblin as he threatened to do.
A salesman appears at turn 50 to offer you a Super Snuggy.
Little Miss Muffet is at the Lunch Spot. She wants something to eat.
A boy in the Meadow is depressed. He's watching over some cows, and he eventually calls "wolf!" to see people's reaction.
Jack and Jill are a boyfriend/girlfriend pair at the bottom of a very steep hill. Jack lost his crown. Jill is somewhat unpleasant and she's extremely possessive of Jack.
An eskimo catches fish at the glacier. He needs something warmer to wear.
A witch lives in the gingerbread house. She will immediately attack you, casting a spell like FREEZE or FIRE at you, using her magic wand.
Little Red Riding Hood is a girl in a cape inside Grandma's house. She's also being threatened by a disguised wolf.
David Bowie, quite to your surprise, is really The Goblin King. It wasn't just a role for the movie Labyrinth. Bowie kidnapped Danny and imprisoned Dan. During your battle with Bowie, he turns into an owl.
A female troll guards the troll bridge that leads to the grazing lands.
A giant is inside the giant's castle. He's made himself difficult to kill by hiding his heart. He will only talk to you if you're attractively dressed.
Several goblins are in the goblin realm.
Goblin soldiers can be seen from the drawbridge.
A large six-armed goblin guards a golden key in the west tower.
A big goblin guards an iron key in the east tower.
Three magic-using goblins guard the magic wand in the south tower. One goblin is fat, one is thin and tall, and one is very short.
Animals (and anthro-animals)
Jeeba is a cat that wanders in your house.
Luna is a giant black dog that wanders in your house.
Ravi is a mid-sized brown dog that wanders in your house.
A guinea pig is in its cage in the Computer Room.
A spider likes to scare Miss Muffet whenever she tries to eat anything.
A stick pig, a straw pig, and a brick pig have built houses at the building site. Each of them has a third of a scroll.
A gold dragon rests on his hoard of treasure in his cave. His name is Murray.
A billy goat gruff is eating grass in the grazing lands.
A goose that lays golden eggs is inside the giant's castle.
A disguised wolf threatens Little Red Riding Hood inside Grandma's house. You should shoot him with the rifle.
A timber wolf is poisoned by the eskimo on the glacier.
A hungry wolf threatens the boy's cows in the meadow. You need to poison this wolf the same way that the eskimo poisoned the timber wolf.
A milk cow is given to you by the boy if you kill the hungry wolf quickly enough. (The boy can't give you a cow if the wolf ate them all!) If you have an empty bucket, you can milk the cow.
Birds fly about at the path of crumbs. One can be persuaded to land if you throw the jewelled egg at the birds.
A fly is the new form of anyone who eats the cake.
A horse can be, uh, created by casting STIGED at some poop.
A harp with an animated woman carved into it sits inside the giant's castle. She won't talk to you until after the giant is dead.
Grandma was probably already eaten by the disguised wolf before you arrived at her house.
When you have the spellbook, you can CAST FILFRE to display the game credits:
The Tiny House. Made by Dan Doyle III.
An homage to classic Infocom Interactive fiction games of the past, particularly the Zork and Enchanter series.
Made especially for Christine, a loving wife and mother who would never give up if Dan or her baby were missing.
Version 5 (Release 1 / Serial number 100425) adds playtesting credits:
Playtested by: Katzy Pzwilson SimplePeanut
Note: It's possible there's more ways to die than I found.
You have died
if you spend too many turns at the Glacier without wearing warm clothes. You freeze to death.
if you spend an even longer time at the Glacier, even in warm clothes.
if you don't immediately kill the wolf after entering Grandma's house.
if you spend too many turns at the Building Site when it's snowing heavily and you aren't dressed warmly.
if you try to shoot or Swallow any of the pigs. They beat you to death.
if you try to kill the dragon at least three times (he fries you).
if you give poisoned food to the dragon.
if you spend too many turns in the dragon's presence.
if you enter the gingerbread house unprepared to deal with the witch.
if you Swallow the fly but don't Swallow the spider within less than 20 turns later.
if you Swallow the spider but don't Swallow the bird within less than 20 turns later.
if you Swallow the bird but don't Swallow the cat within less than 20 turns later.
if you Swallow the cat but don't Swallow a dog within less than 20 turns later.
if you Swallow a dog but don't Swallow the goat within less than 20 turns later.
if you Swallow the goat but don't Swallow the cow within less than 20 turns later.
if you Swallow the cow but don't Swallow the horse within less than 20 turns later.
if you Swallow the horse but don't Digest yourself of it within less than 20 turns later.
if you go northeast from Nexus before the past is established. The fabric of the universe tears itself apart!
if you go northeast from Castle Drawbridge when completely visible. The goblin soldiers see you and kill you.
if, at West Tower, you try to take the golden key while the six-armed goblin is alive.
if, at West Tower, you order Dan to shoot the goblin. The goblin telekinetically stops the bullet then he kills you both.
if, at East Tower, you spend more than one turn with the big goblin.
if, at South Tower, the goblins zap you with their wands under most circumstances.
if, at North Tower, you do nothing useful after David turns into an owl.
You have a goblin baby!
if you defeat David Bowie, but don't have the blue potion to restore Danny.
You have won
if you defeat David Bowie and your son Danny is restored to human form.
Note also that it's possible to crash the game if you put the orange powder on the cake, then give the cake to the dragon.
A typical response to DIAGNOSE looks like this:
Your health is 20 out of 20. You will die if this reaches 0.
teaching clothes is not very becoming.
And in earlier versions of the game, you can see a notation like "HP: 20" listed after the room's name in the status bar.
Usually, your health total doesn't matter. If the dragon, witch, or any goblins attack you, and if you have no protection against their attacks, you're dead. The only time your health matters is after you've Swallowed any animals.
After you Swallow the fly, you lose 1 HP every turn until you Swallow a spider. When you Swallow the spider to catch the fly, your HP is restored to 20, but now you'll lose 1 HP every turn until you Swallow a bird, and so on.
You have an carrying capacity limit of 15 items, not counting items you're wearing.
Note that whenever you take an item of clothing from your dresser, you automatically wear it, putting your previous outfit into the dresser.
Your choice of clothing can change who's willing to talk to you: • The dragon will only talk to you if you're wearing the chainmail bikini. • The giant will only talk to you if you're wearing something attractive and not socially awkward. • Jill will only talk to you if you're wearing something not very becoming. • Jack will only talk to you if you're wearing something not very becoming and not socially awkward.
teaching clothes. You're wearing them.
These clothes are not very becoming.
snuggy. At West of House, soon after turn 50, a salesman arrives. Buy the snuggy, using the jar of pennies as payment.
The snuggy is not very becoming, a bit socially awkward, but should keep you warm.
On the glacier, give the snuggy to the eskimo. He gives you a powder in exchange.
revealing corset. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The corset is attractive and a bit socially awkward.
catholic schoolgirl outfit. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
This outfit is attractive.
pajamas. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The pajamas are not very becoming.
wedding dress. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The wedding dress is not very becoming.
little black dress. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The black dress is attractive.
winter clothes. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The winter clothes are not very becoming but should keep you warm.
Wear the winter clothes when visiting the eskimo on the glacier. They'll protect you from the cold for several turns, but not forever.
ballroom gown. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The gown is attractive.
The giant will talk to you if you're wearing this gown.
swimsuit. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The swimsuit is attractive.
clown costume. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The clown costume is not very becoming and a bit socially awkward.
chainmail bikini. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The bikini is attractive and a bit socially awkward.
Wear the bikini if you want to talk to the dragon.
body paint. It's in the master bedroom's drawer.
The paint is attractive and a bit socially awkward.
a grue suit. It's inside the crate in the computer room. Its fur glows.
The suit is not very becoming and a bit socially awkward.
Food and drinks
When at the Lunch Spot, you must sit on the tuffet and try to eat something to summon the spider. What you try to eat doesn't really matter. You can also give any food you don't want to Little Miss Muffet and she'll try to eat it.
Note also that your pets follow you in the house whenever you have food. This stops them from wandering if you need to eat one or two of them.
a lowfat milk. It's in your kitchen fridge.
If you throw the milk at the troll, she melts away!
a cottage cheese. It's in your kitchen fridge.
This is the closest thing to "curds and whey" in the game.
a tossed salad. It's in your kitchen fridge.
a leftover steak. It's in your kitchen fridge.
a ham sandwich. It's in your kitchen fridge.
a hunk of salami. It's in your kitchen fridge.
a bag of mixed vegetables. It's in your kitchen fridge.
a popsicle. It's in your kitchen freezer.
a pint of ice cream. It's in your kitchen freezer.
a grue treats. It's inside the crate in the computer room.
a cake. Inside Grandma's house, Little Red Riding Hood gives a cake to you after you shoot the disguised wolf with the rifle.
CAUTION: If you eat the cake, you turn into a fly and die.
In the cave, give the cake to the dragon. It becomes a fly, but it can still breathe fire and kill you. You must immediately Swallow the fly before it kills you.
a powder. Acquire it at Glacier by giving the snuggy to the eskimo.
The powder is poison. Don't eat it.
In the meadow, when the hungry wolf is there, put the powder on the fish, then give the fish to the wolf to kill it. If the wolf didn't kill any cows, the boy will give you a milk cow as a reward.
Iron Key. It's in the East Tower.
The iron key is guarded by a big goblin. Throw the yellow potion at the goblin and he runs away. You can now take the iron key.
The iron key unlocks Dan's cell in the dungeon.
Golden key. It's in the West Tower.
The golden key is guarded by a six-armed goblin. To defeat him, you need Dan and Dan needs his magic wand. Order Dan to point his wand at the goblin. Dan will cast Fire at him, and you can now take the key.
The golden key unlocks the north door in the courtyard.
Examine it. It causes creatures to attack you singlemindedly.
The red potion is used to deal with the South Tower goblins. You must first free Dan from the dungeon (see iron key) and give him the rifle and bullets. Then, in the courtyard, drink the red potion and go south into the South Tower. While the goblins are busy attacking your reflections in their mirrors, Dan shoots them all, then he takes his magic wand back.
a leaflet. It's inside the mailbox at West of House.
Read it. It merely welcomes you to the game, though. You don't need the leaflet for anything.
a bible. It's in the drawer of the craft desk in the computer room.
Read it for a clue for the footlocker combination.
a spellbook. It's in the footlocker in the master bedroom closet; the footlocker's combo (6-8-22) is clued by the bible.
The spellbook contains just the Filfre spell at first.
Copy any scroll you find to put its spell into your spellbook.
Cast Managra on your spellbook to change all your spells into their opposites. Cast Anagram on your spellbook to change them back.
a communist manifesto. It's inside the crate in the computer room.
a red scroll. It's inside the crate in the computer room.
Read it: it has the Drunak spell on it. Copy the scroll to put the Drunak spell into your spellbook.
a computer. It's in the master bedroom. You can only take it on the second attempt.
The computer lets you consult Wikipedia on several topics. Known topics include: Communism, Dan, Dragon, Grue, Marijuana, Muffet, Noah's Ark, Spells.
a black scroll. Acquire it by looking under the stairs in the basement.
Read it: it has the Managra spell on it. Copy the scroll to put the Managra spell into your spellbook.
a dirty scroll. It's in the rabbit hole in Grazing Lands.
Read it: it has the Digest spell on it. Copy the scroll to put the Digest spell into your spellbook.
a fabric scroll. Create it in the Computer Room by turning on the embroidery machinine.
Read it: it has the Gopscot spell on it. Copy the scroll to put the Gopscot spell into your spellbook.
a stained sock. It's in the Land of Socks.
Examine it to see that it has an unreadable spell transfered onto it.
Go to Danny's bedroom, open the closet door, put the sock in front of the mirror, cast Celuxed on the mirror, then enter the tunnel. In the Reversed World, the sock is now readable; it has the Wallows spell. Copy the spell into your spellbook; the sock vanishes. (Note that this won't work in earlier copies of the game.)
a bottom of scroll, a middle of scroll, and a top of scroll. They're held by the three little pigs until the big bad wolf is gone. Then they're in the brick house.
While carrying the scotch tape, repair one of the scroll pieces. You now have a fixed scroll.
Read the fixed scroll: it has the Stairs spell on it. Copy the scroll to put the Stairs spell into your spellbook.
Other useful items
a remote control. Acquire it by looking under the couch in the living room.
With the remote, you can turn on the TV in the living room.
a rifle. Acquire it by looking under the bed in the master bedroom.
Load the rifle with a bullet. It only holds one bullet at a time.
Inside Grandma's house, shoot the disguised wolf with the rifle. Little Red Riding Hood gives you a cake as a reward.
Inside the Gingerbread Houe, while wearing the crown, shoot the witch with the rifle.
It is possible to shoot characters like Little Miss Muffet, but rather pointless and counterproductive to do so.
Note that the rifle is not effective against the dragon (in the cave) or the hungry wolf (in the meadow).
In the dungeon, give the rifle to Dan.
a bullets. It's in the hidden crawlspace.
Load the rifle with a bullet. It only holds one bullet at a time.
In the dungeon, give the bullets to Dan.
a jar full of pennies. It's in the hidden crawlspace.
Count the pennies: there's 69,105 of them.
At West of House, after turn 50, a salesman arrives. Buy a snuggy, using the pennies as payment.
a scotch tape. It's in the drawer of the craft desk in the computer room.
If you cast Postcog inside the shed, you see a vision of Dan putting the marijuana and lighter into the pencil box.
a marijuana and a lighter. They're inside the pencil box.
At the troll bridge, if you give both the marijuana and the lighter to the troll, she will get you cross her bridge. You might know to do this if you used the computer to consult Wikipedia on marijuana.
a hammer. It's inside the shed.
Open the crate in the computer room with the hammer.
a fish. It's inside the crate in the computer room; open the crate with the hammer.
Put the powder (that you got from the eskimo) on the fish.
In the meadow, give the fish to the hungry wolf. If the wolf didn't eat any cows, the boy gives you a cow!
a jewelled egg. It's Inside Giant's Castle.
If you successfully ask the giant about the egg, he says you may take it. Of course, you can take it without asking.
After you've swallowed the spider, go to the path of crumbs, and throw the egg at the birds. One of the birds will land, attracted by the egg, and you can now swallow the bird.
a bucket. It's Outside Grandma's House.
You can fill the empty bucket with water at several places in the games, such as the troll bridge. the top of the hill, or (I assume) your bathroom. You may throw the water at the witch to dissolve her.
You can fill the empty bucket with milk by milking your cow. You may throw the milk at the troll to get rid of her.
a milk cow. It appears in the meadow after you kill the hungry wolf before it can attack a cow; see fish and powder.
If you have an empty bucket, you can milk the cow, filling the bucket with milk. You may throw the milk at the troll to get rid of her, if you wish to.
In the grazing lands, after swallowing the goat, swallow the cow.
a giant heart. It's in the golden box in the cave.
You'll first need to get rid of the dragon guarding it; see cake.
Inside the giant's castle, break the heart to kill the giant.
a new pencil. It's in the hidden basement room of the past.
Erase your spellbook with the new pencil. The pencil becomes the used-up pencil. Drop the pencil so it'll be there when you first find this room later.
You don't need to pick up any of the following items:
a sword and a lantern. Find them by examining the toys in the living room.
Surprisingly, you don't need either of these, but personally, I think they probably look best with the chainmail bikini.
a vacuum cleaner. It's in the living room closet.
Ignore the vacuum cleaner.
a grue repellent. It's inside the crate in the computer room; open the crate with the hammer.
You don't need the repellent. There's no grues in the game.
an used-up pencil. It's in the hidden basement room.
You have no need for this version of the pencil, but see new pencil to see where the used-up pencil came from.
a disguised wolf's corpse, a hungry wolf's corpse, etc. Whenever you kill someone or something, they tend to leave a corpse behind (but not always).
You don't need any corpses. I have no idea why the game allows you to pick them up.
Drunak is on the red scroll, found in the crate in the computer room's closet.
You have no use for Drunak. I can only assume that there were going to be grues, but that section of the game was cut.
Celuxed something: (Open hidden magical portals)
Celuxed is written on the bathroom mirror, but to see it, you need to set the hallway's thermostat to 59 or lower, so the house is "annoyingly cold", then turn on the shower and wait. The mist reveals the hidden writing on the mirror.
In every room of your house, look in the crystal ball to see if a hidden portal is there.
In Danny's Bedroom, celuxed the mirror (in the closet) to summon a tunnel to Reverse World.
In the Basement, celuxed the dryer to summon a tunnel to the Land of Socks.
In the Living Room, celuxed the TV when it's on to summon a tunnel to Forest Path.
In the Kitchen, Celuxed the freezer when it's open to summon a tunnel to the Glacier.
In the Hidden Crawlspace, Celuxed the attic to summon a tunnel to the Cave.
Managra something: (Re-arrange letters in text)
Managra is on the black scroll, found by looking under the basement stairs.
Cast Managra on the spellbook to transform all the spells into new ones. For example, Managra turns into Anagram.
You can also cast Managra on things like the manifesto, but this just makes them unreadable.
Wallows someone: (Allows a creature to swallow you whole)
Wallows is written backwards on the stained sock, found in the Land of Socks. Put the sock in front of Danny's mirror, then take the reversed sock in Reverse World. You can now read the sock.
You have no use for Wallows, but its reverse, Swallow, will be quite useful.
Digest horse: (Turn a horse into poop)
Digest is on the dirty scroll, found in the rabbit hole in Grazing Lands.
After you Swallow a horse, Digest yourself to turn that swallowed horse back into poop.
Gopscot: (View the future)
Gopscot is on the fabric scroll, created by turning on the embroidery machine in the Computer Room.
Cast Gopscot anywhere and get a random vision of the future.
One vision tells you the shed door combination is 0-4-2.
One vision shows you shivering in mist when about to take a shower.
One vision shows a horse crawling out of your toilet.
One vision shows you throwing a jewelled egg at a song bird.
One vision shows you pulling something out from under the living room couch.
You don't need to close any portals, but considering you need to erase the spellbook just after entering the sealed portal, you may want to close all the other portals first. Otherwise, you might have to live with all those portals open for years to come.
Swallow someone: (Allows you to swallow creature whole)
You have no use for this spell. Yes, you can get rid of the stairs in your house, but that hinders you, and you'll just have to put the stairs back anyway.
Frobozzle. Opens sealed portals.
You can learn this from reading the powers of wand book in the witch's gingerbread house. Learn about it by casting Postcog in your basement; you see Dan use Frobozzle.
Logically, you ought to be able to cast Fire, Freeze, and more with the wand as well, but regretably, you have little opportunity to experiment before you need to drop the wand in the past. And those other F-spells aren't implemented, so don't even bother trying. Fudge.