In this bizarre game, you play as Fuzzles, a stupid kitten. In life, you will be tormented and killed by your owner, a girl named Karen, for the amusement of the internet. In the afterlife, you will be tossed about by offended deities until you're reincarnated in Jennifer Love Hewitt's house with a mission. It won't end well. (Caution: This game contains poop jokes.)
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 1 of the game.
I don't normally start a walkthrough with commands like these, but trust me, they're appropriate.
> poop on basket. lick butt. x Karen.
Karen puts a live grenade in your basket.
> out. smell arse. x grenade.
Karen takes you to...
Veterinarian's Office (on the examination table)
> x vet. meow. x webcam.
> get off table. w.
> x can. x dish. x oven.
> x sign.(Kittens can't read!)
> chase tail.
Karen grabs you and takes you to...
Kitty Jail (on the kitty electric chair)
> x chair. get off chair.(You can't.)
*** You have died ***
> x litter. dig litter.
> poop on litter —or— pee.(+100)
*** You have won ***
God asks you to pick one tasty treat.
> x God. x tail. x sock. x head.
> take fish head.(This is a winning ending.)
*** Hooray! ***
> take sock.
God tosses you to...
> x Buddha.(He wants you to find your soul.)
> look in me.(Must look in specific orifice.)
> look in ass. take soul. wash soul.
> x drapes. claw drapes.
The Buddha sends you to a koan:
> x kwanzeon.(Can't see it.)
> x totally. take totally. drop everything.
> e.(This works.)
> x Krishna. x men. x Einstein. x couch. x dice.
> claw couch.
> take dice.(Einstein throws you to...)
> x angel. x flowers.
> smell flowers.
You're returned to life with a mission: capture Jennifer Love Hewitt.
You'll be doing a whole lot of nothing in this house. You know that, right?
> x script. take it. s.
> x block. put script on block.(Can't.)
> drop script. w.
Closet, West End
> x shoebox. open it. x art.
> take matchstick. e.
> light matchstick.(You're a cat. You can't plan like that.)
> burn script. drop matchstick. n. d. e.
> take pipe. smoke pipe. drop pipe.
> x bookshelf. x story.(It's "The Black Cat".)
> s. n. s. n.
> x bookcart. x thing.(It's a cheese sculpture.)
> eat thing.
> push cart west.
> u. s.
Reality ends to the south?
Zero one zero zero one
Hidden in the zeroes and ones is: "all of reality is a computer program THe CLeaR LiGHT oF THe VoiD iS aN eXIT To THe SOUTH Go iNTo THe LiGHT FuZZLeS".
In Karen's Room (in the basket)
Karen says she's deleting you.
** Library error 10 (0,0) **
The game is now broken. On purpose. This is the true end of the game.
Karen is your sadistic owner.
A veterinarian examines you briefly in his office.
A guard (in another room) pulls the switch for the electric chair.
God offers you a tasty treat in the afterlife.
Buddha wants you to find your soul and then clean it.
kwanzeon bosatu, in a koan, demands that you drop everything.
Krishna, Albert Einstein, and some other men are playing dice in a lounge.
An angel meets you in Next Tuesday and gives you a mission.
Other angels carry you to Jennifer Love Hewitt's house.
Jennifer Love Hewitt is a famous and beautiful actress who is also a literal angel you need to rescue. Unfortunately, she's inexplicably trapped in a block of frozen carbonite in her own bedroom closet.
Edgar Allen Poe wrote "The Black Cat". A copy of this story is in the basement.
Thousands of viewers are watching you and Karen on her webcam show.
You have won is a fake ending that happens when you use the litter in Kitty Heaven. The game continues.
Hooray! if you take the fish head in God's Basket.
** Library error 10 (0,0) ** if Karen deletes you from existence. Yes, the game's true ending is a deliberate programming error. Your error message may differ depending on which interpreter you're using to play this game with.
Note that since you're a kitten, you can only carry one thing at a time.
a stuffed toy mouse. It's in the basket in Karen's Room. You can't do anything useful with it.
a food dish. It's in the vet's waiting room. You can't do anything useful with it.
a tin can. It's in the vet's waiting room. You can't open it or do anything else useful with it.
your soul. When in Buddha's Playhouse, find it by looking in your ass. Take it, then wash it. Sorry, you cannot put it back into your ass.
totally everything. It's at koan. Although you're told to drop everything, literally dropping everything doesn't help you in any way.
a crack pipe. It's in Jennifer's kitchen. You can't do anything useful with it.
a story by Edgar Allen Poe. It's on a bookshelf in Jennifer's basement. Read it to read the beginning of Poe's story "The Black Cat". (The author has somehow forgotten that kittens can't read! Oopsie doopsie!)
a weird stinky thing. It's on a bookcart in Jennifer's basement's alcove. It's a sculpture made of cheese. You may eat it.
a script. It's in Jennifer's bedroom. You can't read it or do anything else useful with it.
a shoebox. It's in the west end of Jennifer's closet. Open it.
a ten-thousand dollar piece of art entitled Matchstick. It's in the shoebox. Although you can try to light it, this is something kittens can't do. Nice try, though.
a fish head. It's in God's Basket. If you take it, the game ends well but early.
Karen's favorite sock. It's in God's Basket. If you take it, God will be displeased, but you'll see more of the game.
some dice. They're in the lounge. When you try to take them, you're instead punted into next Tuesday.
You have so far scored your-score out of a possible 100, in several turns.