You play as an Oxbridge student who, during a particularly boring lecture, falls through a green portal under their desk into the cluttered library of the wizard Ninario. Ninny was trying to summon a wizardly apprentice from the Oxbridge University in his reality but got you by mistake. Mm-yes. So it you're going to be a wizard's apprentice until he can figure out how to send you back.
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 4 of the game.
SPOILERS AHEAD. Reading a walkthrough prematurely can sometimes diminish one's enjoyment of a text adventure game. Please make an honest effort to play the game before reading this walkthrough.
Ninario, a wizard, summoned you here to be his apprentice. He meant to get a wizarding student from his own reality, but got you instead. If he's to send you home or repair the rift, he needs his spectacles and asks you to find them.
> x Ninario. x parchment. read it. x desk. x papers.
> x settee. x rug. x eastern window. x southern window.
You may wish to talk to Ninario (Ninny) about a few topics before exploring his home.
> ask Ninny about himself. ask Ninny about me.
> ask Ninny about magic. ask Ninny about guild.
> ask Ninny about Wizarding Weekly. ask Ninny about spectacles.
> ask Ninny about drain. ask Ninny about basement.
> ask Ninny about light. ask Ninny about laboratory.
> ask Ninny about library. ask Ninny about desk.
> ask Ninny about rug.
> w. n. n. w.
Bedroom
> x pillow. take it.
> x bed. look under bed.(You take a chamberpot.)
> x pot.
> e. e.
Garderobe
> x bench. x rack. x Weekly.
> read it. g. g. g. g. g. g. g.
> w. s. d.
Main Hall
> s.(unlocking the the steel door with the steel key)
Laboratory
It's never said explicitly, but the numbers on these items are atomic weights.
> take all from table. take all from shelf.
> x cylinder.("#12 Illuminator")
> x purse.("#16")
> open it. x yellow.
> x tube.("wood hastener")
> x pouch.("#6")
> open it. x black.(charcoal)
> x bottle.("WizStrip Paint Thinner"; "Do not mix with methane")
> x flask.("#19 #7 #8(3)")
> x vial.("#1 #17")
> x dish.("#29 #16 #8(4)")
> x bowl.("(#7 #1(4))2 #16 #8(4)")
> n. ne.
Kitchen
> take butter. x it.
Head back to the study and ask Ninny about all this new stuff.
> sw. u. s. e.
Study
> show cylinder.("magnesium flare")
> show blue crystals.("copper sulphate")
> ask Ninny about copper sulphate.(kills fungus)
> ask Ninny about mushrooms.
> show vial.("muriatic acid")
> ask Ninny about acid.(eats through metal)
> show bowl.("ammonium sulphate crystals")
> ask Ninny about ammonium.(fertilizer)
> show purse.("sulphur")
> ask Ninny about sulphur.(ingredient in black powder)
> show pouch.("charcoal")
> ask Ninny about charcoal.(ingredient in black powder)
> show flask.("saltpetre")
> ask Ninny about saltpetre.(ingredient in black powder)
> ask Ninny about black powder.(For the cannon. Grind saltpetre, charcoal, and sulphur in a ball mill. Put it in a powder bag.)
> ask Ninny about cannon. ask Ninny about mill.(in workshop)
> ask Ninny about cannonball.(in workshop)
> show bottle.(don't open in basement!)
> ask Ninny about pillow. ask Ninny about feathers.
> show pot. show butter. show tube.(hastens wood growth)
> ask Ninny about Vechlee. ask Ninny about Turthalion.
> ask Ninny about Elvish. ask Ninny about cheese.
> ask Ninny about Renaldo. ask Ninny about Eliza.
> w. n. d. w.
Courtyard
> x fountain. x figurines. x portcullis. x chains.
> u. w.
Gatehouse
> x holes. x machine. read plate.(requires specific quantity of fluid; see manual)
> e. d. ne. se.
Garden Plot
> x plot. sw.
South of Tower
> x shed. x lock. pour acid on lock.
> s.
Inside the Shed
> take can. x it. x trap door.
> d.
Slimy Passage
> turn cylinder.(+1; you have light)
> n.
Slimy Ledge
Going down is a one-way trip.
> d.
Rubbish Heap
> x heap.(You acquire a helmet.)
> x helmet.
> n. n.
Sewer
> x gas. x vat. x ladder. x channel. x pipe.
> s. u. u. n. e.
Garderobe
> take WizStrip. open it. put it in hole. z.(+4; explosion in vat)
> w. s. d. d. n.
Sewer
> look in vat. enter vat. take specs. out.
> x specs. clean them(+1)
> s. u. u. s. e.
Study
> turn flare. give specs to Ninny.(+1)
This is your last chance to ask Ninny about topics other than the rift.
> ask Ninny about tower. ask Ninny about plot.
> ask Ninny about shed. ask Ninny about fountain.
> ask Ninny about machine. ask Ninny about portcullis.
> ask Ninny about heap.
Okay, time to advance the plot.
> ask Ninny about rift.(+4)
A rift opens, but Renaldo and Virgil emerge, arrest Ninny, and pull him inside. As the rift closes, Ninny begs you to rescue him from the Guild HQ and drops an iron key,
> take iron key. take rug.
The iron key is for the workshop:
> w. n. d. nw.
Workshop
> x machines. x drill. take it.
> x goggles. take them.(nearly opaque)
> x machine.(ball mill)
> x furnace. open it. x cannonball.
> open mill. x lead balls.
I'm assuming the pouch and purse are still open.
> take pouch. put charcoal in mill.
> take purse. put sulphur in mill.
> take flask. put saltpetre in mill. close mill.
> turn crank.(+4)
> open mill. x black powder. put it in pouch. close pouch.
You need both hands free to pick up the cannonball. The satchel can magically negate the weight of anything in it.
> put all in satchel. take ball. put it in satchel.
> se. w.
Courtyard
As you'll see, the watering can holds up to 5 pints, the chamberpot holds up to 3 pints, and the machine in the gatehouse wants exactly 4 pints. This is a measuring liquids puzzle.
> take can and pot.
> fill can. pour can into pot. empty pot.
> pour can into pot. fill can.
> pour can into pot. x can.(4/5ths full)
> empty pot. u. w.
Gatehouse
> pour can into machine.(+2; the portcullis opens)
> x hose. take it.
> e. d. w.
Bailey
> x doors. open doors.(very locked)
> e. e. u. u.
Tower
While you can fire the cannonball from the cannon, you get more points if you use yourself as the projectile instead. Wearing the butter makes you slippery enough to enter the cannon. You can't reach the pull cord from inside the cannon, but you can hold onto the cord when entering the cannon.
> x cannon. read plaque. x cord.
> put pouch in cannon. aim cannon at doors.
> wear butter. wear helmet. put all in satchel.
> take cord. enter cannon. pull cord.(+4. You headbutt the caer doors open.)
Dusty Road
> x sun. x fence. ne.
Farm Gate
> read sign.(The farm is sealed.)
> open gate.(can't)
> e.
End of the Lane
> x fence. climb fence.(can't)
> x elm. x bird.
To get over the fence, the first step is to make the tree stronger.
> take tube. open it. put hastener on tree.(+1)
> close tube. put it in satchel.
Next, protect yourself from the hawk (and from the dogs that you will soon meet) and have your hands free for climbing. If you're not already wearing the satchel and helmet, put them on too.
I know some of this seems illogical, but much of this is clued by visions you haven't had yet, and walkthroughs are allowed to use foresight from previous play-sessions, okay?
> wear goggles. wear rug.
> u. u.(+1; the bird flies away)
The Very Top of the Tree
> take cannonball.(+2. You're thrown into the...)
Garden
The dogs run away from the "bear" you appear to be.
> take ball. put it in satchel.
> remove rug. put it in satchel.
> remove goggles. put goggles in satchel.
> w.
Farmyard
> x barn. w.
Barn
> x straw. x timbers. x cabinet. open it.
> x jar. take it.(+1; it's essence of arktos)
> e. n.
Pile of Rubble
> take scrap. read it.(re: arktos essence)
> s.
Farmyard
> open gate.(+1; the field spell breaks, and you tumble through)
Farm Gate
> sw. sw.
Vechlee Gate
> x people. x cobblestones. x gate.
> x shop. read sign.(Elixa's Cheese Emporium was closed by Wizards Guild.)
> ask people about Guild.(at west edge of town)
> ask people about farm.(shut down for using chemicals)
> ask people about cheese.(Eliza used non-magical methods)
> s.
Eliza's Cheese Emporium
> take all. x asiago. x bel paese. x caerphilly.
> x wensleydale. x camembert. x gouda.
> x emmental. x stilton. x miranda.
> x cheshire. x roquefort.
> n. n.
North Vechlee
> read notice.(forced to close by other shop)
> w.
William's Woodcraft
> x shavings.
> take bottle. x it.(WizStrip; hermetic seal)
> e. e.
Wizardry Wooding
You don't need any wood, but it doesn't hurt to visit.
> x shopkeeper. x counter. x curtain.
> ask her about herself.(Betty)
> ask her about wood.(she lists several)
> ask her about hastener. ask her about curtain.
> ask her about mum. ask her about WizStrip.
> ask her about paper. ask her about Ninny.
> ask her about customer. ask her about Renaldo.
> ask her about cheese. ask her about Eliza.
> ask her about wizards. ask her about Vechlee.
> ask her about Blumph. ask her about William.
> w. s. sw.
Market Square
> x stall. read yellowed paper.(owner Robert became a mountain hermit)
> x bank. x shop. x building.
> s.(Guard stops you; only wizards can enter now.)
> ask people about bank.
> n.
Vechlee Townspeople Building Society
> read sign. take coin(+1)
> x coin.(10 plotkins)
> s. nw.
Sorcery Supply
> x crone. x chair. x silver bowl.
> x case. x rope. x knife. x lantern. x sword. x egg.
> ask her about Vechlee. ask her about wizards.
> ask her about Ninny. ask her about Magic Bunny.
> ask her about bowl.(divination bowl for 5p)
> ask her about case. ask her about rope.(13p)
> ask her about knife.(27p)
> ask her about lantern.(47p)
> ask her about sword.(73p)
> ask her about cheese.(secret to divination)
> ask her about case. ask her about Thalion.
> ask her about Zork.(or implementor)
> ask her about plumbers.
> ask her about arktos essence. ask her about bear.
> buy silver bowl.(You now have the silver bowl and a silver coin.)
> x silver coin.
Return to the Society building for some privacy. The crone gets cranky if you stand around too long without buying anything.
> se. n.
Vechlee Townspeople Building Society
Put cheeses into the silver bowl to get random visions; these are mostly hints and glimpses of your future, plus a few past visions for context. Pay close attention to them. The cheeses get used up in the process.
> take asiago. put it in silver bowl.(+1)
> take bel paese. put it in silver bowl.
> take camembert. put it in silver bowl.
> take cheshire. put it in silver bowl.
> take emmental. put it in silver bowl.
> take gouda. put it in silver bowl.
> take miranda. put it in silver bowl.
> take roquefort. put it in silver bowl.
> take stilton. put it in silver bowl.
> take wensleydale. put it in silver bowl.
Caerphilly only gives indistinct visions, so you might as well eat it instead, but it's up to you.
> take caerphilly. eat it.
> s. sw.
Outskirts
The guard, Ned, has a very strong accent.
> x gate. x guard. x hall.("Admittance by Invitation Only")
> ask guard about himself. ask him about job.
> ask him about guild. ask him about money.
> ask him about wife. ask him about bairns.
> ask him about Ninny. ask him about plumbers.
> s.(Ned won't let you enter.)
> w.
Outside Vechlee
> read sign(Blumph: 40 miles).
> x pipe.
> n.
Ledge
> x bear. x carcase. s.
Outside Vechlee
Make sure you're still wearing the helmet as well.
> wear rug. wear essence. n.
Ledge
> n.(+4)
The amorous bear knocks you off the ledge, but you fall on a flying carpet convoy. Your story earns you a carpet and a trip past the bear.
Plateau
> x carpet. take it.
> remove rug. put rug in satchel.
> e.
On the Mountaintop
To get the hermit's favour, give him the goggles or stuffed pillow. Since you don't need either any more, you may be generous and give both.
> x hermit. x lean-to. x stone.
> take goggles. give goggles.(+1)
> take pillow. give pillow.
> ask hermit about guild. ask hermit about Ninny.
> ask hermit about bear. ask hermit about sun.
> ask hermit about Vechlee. ask hermit about Renaldo.
If you read your own class notes, you get a hint that hermetic seals can be opened by hermits.
> read book. show bottle.(+2. He opens it.)
> wear rug. w. s. s.
Outside Vechlee
> remove rug. put it in satchel. e.
Outskirts
Optionally, you can give a coin to Ned instead, but the drill is the better choice.
> give drill to Ned.(+4; he leaves)
> s.
Guild Hall Foyer
> w.(guard stops you)
> e.
Closet
> x grille.(duct goes up)
> x pipe.(valve with nozzle)
> x valve.(pressure release)
> w. s.
Kitchen (of guild)
> x pots. x table. x margarine. take it.
> x waiter. x tray. x chicken. x beer.
> take beer. take WizStrip.
> remove label. put WizStrip on tray.
> n. e.
Closet
> take hose. put hoze on nozzle. put hose in grille.
> turn valve. w. s.
Kitchen
> close waiter. n.(+2; there's an explosion upstairs)
Guild Hall Foyer
> w.
Hall
> knock on door.(Ninario is on the other side.)
> put hastener on door.(+1)
The door warps violently and Ninny joins you. Meanwhile, you hear a battle below. You now have a dozen turns to escape with Ninny before the guild's soldiers capture you both.
> n.
Tower
> drop carpet. get on carpet.(+5)
You and Ninario fly to...
Outside Vechlee
The Plumbers Union (including Ned) and some other wizards are using this chance to rebel against the guild, but the guild is winning the battle. Then a loud thunderclap heralds the closing of the original rift. Ninario recommends going to Blumph for safety, and everyone sets off immediately.
*** You have won ***
> amusing
Extras
Amusing
This is the response to AMUSING, after you win the game:
Have you tried...
singing?
singing in the presence of the various characters in the game? Of the crone, both dead and alive?
burning things?
climbing things that can't be climbed?
saying xyzzy, plugh or plover? Doing so in front of various NPCs?
trying to eat inedible things?
typing JUMP? HOP? SKIP? JAUNT?
kissing NPCs? Touching NPCs? Licking NPCs? Doing all the same to yourself?
listening to yourself?
smelling yourself after reaching into the sewer vat or while you're wearing the arktos essence?
swimming in the fountain, watering can or chamberpot?
tasting yourself both before and after wearing butter or arktos essence?
waving things in the presence of various characters?
examining yourself before and after entering the portal?
wandering around in the dark for a few turns?
trying to empty water over the floor in Ninario's study, while he's in there?
entering areas with NPCs while wearing the chamberpot, helmet, bearskin rug, or goggles?
donning and doffing the chamberpot, helmet, bearskin rug and goggles in the presence of NPCs?
yawning in the presence of NPCs?
examining the professor after each time you try the doors in the lecture hall?
greeting all the NPCs in the game (using NPC, HELLO or SAY HELLO TO NPC) ?
waking your fellow students?
smashing all the windows in the game?
smashing the library windows before and after Ninario is taken away?
opening or closing windows after they've been smashed?
leaving the study or bedroom via the windows?
looking under the cushions on the couch while Ninario is in the room?
dropping the carpet or rug in the presence of NPCs and then looking under it?
placing the rug or carpet over the trap door in the shed?
discovering all the words that can be used to refer to the toilet? There are 25 or so.
asking Ninario repeatedly about his robes?
asking Ninario about his entrance examination at the Wizards Guild?
asking Ninario about theft? Magic? Thalion?
asking Ninario about the copper sulphate, then about the mushrooms he mentions?
showing the bearskin rug to Ninario once you find him again?
showing your robes to Ninario?
showing the black powder to Ninario?
showing the vial of muriatic acid to Ninario?
showing the chamberpot to Ninario twice?
asking Ninario to open and close the study door?
using the chamberpot?
firing yourself into the portcullis?
climbing on the laboratory's rickety metal table, or placing the heavy cannonball on it?
smashing the figurines on the fountain both before and after Ninario leaves the caer?
taking or riding the dogs in the farmyard?
attacking, kissing, touching or taking the townsfolk in Vechlee?
entering Wizardry Wooding many times to see all the messages? There are a few that only occur 1.5% of the time, and one that only occurs 0.5% of the time.
hanging around in Wizardry Wooding to watch all the things Betty the shopkeeper does? There are a couple that only occur 0.67% of the time.
greeting Betty more than once?
putting things on Betty's countertop?
cleaning the countertop in Wizardry Wooding?
attacking the old crone and then playing the game through to completion?
touching or kissing the old crone before and after attacking her?
asking the old crone about Ninario?
asking the old crone about Renaldo?
asking the old crone about zorkmids?
asking the old crone about the trophy case?
taking the marble columns from the guild hall?
showing the flying carpet to the hermit?
ordering the hermit around before and after getting him to unseal the bottle?
asking the hermit about Renaldo?
asking the hermit about the union, and then the three league radius and gang wars he subsequently mentions?
working your way through all the cheese visions? There are fifteen of them, but only ten cheeses that provide visions. There are eleven cheeses in the game, but the Caerphilly never provides a vision, due to its poor tyromantic capabilities.
looking under things? Looking under yourself?
selling things to yourself or other NPCs?
There are a few others not mentioned in this list. Have fun finding them!
Characters
A professor is lecturing to you and other students about Celtic Elements in Early Teutonic Settlements in the lecture hall.
Ninario (also known as "Ninny") is a rogue wizard who is researching scientific principles. He used a stolen scroll to summon you to his caer to be his new appreentice. He uses the alias Magic Bunny for his romantic endeavors.
The townspeople of Vechlee are going about their business between North Vechlee and the Market Square. Some people are willing to answer your questions, but it becomes clear few will say anything much about wizards.
Betty is the shopkeeper of Wizardry Wooding. You may also see customers in her shop.
An old crone is the proprietor of the Sorcery Supply shop.
Ned guards the entrance to the Guild Hall, but he's not really interested in his job.
The hermit, Robert, abandoned his stall in the market square and now lives in a lean-to on the mountaintop. The bright sun is really hurting his eyes, though.
An angry hawk jealously guards the upper branches of the elm tree.
Two dogs will tear you apart if you land in their garden unprotected.
Cameos and vision appearances only:
Renaldo is the head of the Wizards Guild, and no one but Virgil seems to like him very much.
Virgil is Renaldo's assistant and bootlicker. Presumably, he is also a wizard. Betty describes him as stern.
Eliza Stilton ran a cheese emporium until she was arrested for the crime of keeping her cheeses in a cool room.
An ugly guard stops you from entering the bank during wizarding banking hours.
Another guard stops you from entering the first floor of the Guild Hall.
A flying carpet convoy likes your story so much, they not only carry you past the bear, they also gift you with a threadbare red carpet.
Plumbers Union members and renegade wizards arrive to bolster your ranks in the game's successful finale.
The Egberts and their attractive eighteen-year-old child are met in one ending.
Mentioned:
Turthalion is the ruler of Thalion and lives in Blumph.
William was forced to close William's Woodcraft.
Betty's mum doesn't like people talking about her.
Ned's wife and bairns depend on Ned's income.
Also: The staff and students at (another) Oxbridge University, Wizards Guild members, a spokesperson from Mortar Remains, and Emily are referred to in the Wizarding Weekly newspaper.
Credits
The response to CREDITS is:
Thanks to Graham Nelson for creating Inform, not to mention the DM4.
Thanks to Roger Firth and Sonja Kesserich for creating the IBG, which got me started on this whole thing.
Thanks to Fredrik Ramsberg, whose A Beginner's Guide to Playing Interactive Fiction enabled me to easily add a How to Play section to my help menus.
Many thanks to those whose library extensions I've used, specifically:
Irene Callaci (AskTellOrder)
Neil Cerutti (pname)
Michael Coyne (howtoplay) - oh, wait a minute
Roger Firth (CCPL and Writelist)
Cedric Knight (seeno)
L. Ross Raszewski (Hints and yesno)
Also, many thanks to my various beta testers:
Matt Gardner
David Griffith
Jessica Knoch
Stark Springs
Everyone's input was a big help, but special mention simply must be made of the debt owed to Jessica, who did a really superb job of beta-testing, finding some really obscure problems, and providing an extensive list of additional topics for the NPCs. She's the main reason my $$MAX_DICT_ENTRIES is set to 2000 for compilation.
Oh, and one more thank you: thanks for playing!
Endings
The system has defeated you
if you stay in the lecture hall too long.
You have failed to return home
if you wander in the dark. You fall into another portal and end up marrying an attractive farmer's child, having a long and happy life far away.
You have died
if you're in the sewer with an open bottle of WizStrip.
if you shoot yourself from the cannon to the portcullis, fountain, or fields. The helmet can't save you.
if the dogs in the garden tear you apart.
if you succumb to gas poisoning in the guild hall.
You have failed
if you and Ninario don't escape from the guild hall. When you free Ninny from his cell and a bell starts ringing, you're on a timer. You have twelve turns to make your escape or else.
You have won
if you and Ninario escape from the guild hall.
Inventory
Chemicals
To identify chemicals, examine them, and if that doesn't work, show them to Ninario.
some powdered sulphur. It's the yellow powder in the sllk purse on the laboratory's table.
In the Ninny's tower, put the pouch or purse of black powder into the cannon.
a bottle of WizStrip. It's the small stone bottle on the laboratory's shelf.
Examine it. Note the warning label about exposing it to methane.
In the garderobe, open the bottle, put the bottle in the hole, then wait a turn. There's a violent explosion in the sewer vat, and it is now unblocked.
There's a second bottle of WizStrip in William's Woodcraft. Take it.
This second bottle is hermetically sealed. On the mountaintop, after giving the goggles or pillow to the hermit, show the bottle to the hermit, and he opens it for you. There's a clue for this in your exercise book.
In the guild's kitchen, remove the label from the WizStrip and switch it with the ginger beer on the tray.
some potassium nitrate (aka saltpetre). It's the white powdery substance in the flask on the laboratory's shelf.
a vial of muriatic acid. It's the vial of liquid on the laboratory's shelf.
At "South of Tower", pour acid on the lock. Now you can enter the shed.
some copper sulphate crystals. They're the small blue crystals in the earthenware dish on the laboratory's shelf.
Ninny says it kills fungus, but you don't need it.
some crystalline ammonium sulphate. This is the translucent crystalline substance in the ceramic bowl on the laboratory's shelf.
Ninny says it's used as fertilizer, but you don't need it.
some water. An endless supply of water is available from the courtyard's fountain.
Use the (3 pint) chamberpot and the (5 pint) watering can to measure out 4 pints of water: fill the can, pour the can in the pot, empty the pot, fill the can, pour the can in the pot. Now the can has 4 pints.
In the gatehouse, pour the can (containing 4 pints) into the machine. This raises the portcullis below.
a glass jar of arktos essence. It's in the cabinet in the barn.
In Sorcery Supply, ask the crone about arktos essence.
Open the jar and wear the essence. The jar vanishes, and you now have a malodorous coating of arktos essence (all over your clothes).
If you're wearing both the bearskin rug and the essence, the bear on the ledge is quite attracted to you, but make sure you're wearing the helmet as well to protect you from the bear's love pats. Now you can get past the bear and travel the rest of the way up the mountain.
Containers
a shiny red satchel. Find it in the library by moving the papers.
The satchel is your player's-carry all. Whenever you're carrying too much stuff, one of your held items is automatically transferred into the satchel.
The satchel is magical. Not only can it carry an unlimited amount of items, it also negates the weight of them. This is particularly important when you need to carry a cannonball to the top of an elm tree.
The satchel also has an anti-spill enchantment. For example, you can put a chamberpot full of water into the satchel and not worry about the water spilling and spoiling your other items.
You can even fit a three foot long tree branch into the satchel, showing yet another way the satchel is magical.
The satchel is actually your yogurt cup, transformed. This is made more explicit in the sequel game.
an empty chamberpot. Acquire it by looking under Ninario's bed.
The pot is mercifully clean and can hold up to 3 pints of water.
Use the chamberpot with the watering can to measure out exactly 4 pints of water; see water.
a watering can. It's inside the shed.
The can can hold up to 5 pints of water.
Use the watering can with the chamberpot to measure out exactly 4 pints of water; see water.
a silver bowl. It's for sale in Sorcery Supply for 5 plotkins. Buy it, using the gold coin.
Put any piece of cheese into the silver bowl for a random vision. The cheese is destroyed. There are more possible visions than there are cheeses, so if you want to see all the possible visions, you must replay this part of the game a few times.
The crone refers to this type of magic as divination. Your exercise book refers to this type of magic as tyromancy.
a silver tea tray. It's in the dumb waiter of the guild's kitchen.
some Asiago, some Bel Paese, some Caerphilly, some Wensleydale, some Camembert, some Gouda, some Emmental, some Stilton, some Miranda, some Cheshire, and some Roquefort. They're all on the counter in Eliza's Cheese Emporium.
Put the cheeses, one at a time, into the silver bowl for a random vision. However, Caerphilly never gives a clear vision, so you might as well just eat that one.
a small steel key. Find it in the library by moving the papers.
In the main hall, the steel key unlocks the steel door to the laboratory.
an old iron key. Ninny drops it in his study when he's arrested.
In the main hall, the iron key unlocks the rusty metal door to the workshop.
Money
While you can give either coin to Ned to get into the guild hall, it's better to give the drill to Ned instead.
a small gold coin. It's in the Vechlee Townspeople Building Society. It's worth 10 plotkins.
In Sorcery Supply, buy the silver bowl with the gold coin.
a 5 plotkin piece. In Sorcery Supply, when you buy the silver bowl with the gold coin, you get this silver coin as your change.
Keep it. You don't need to buy anything else.
Readables
an exercise book. You're carrying it.
Read it. Your notes tell you that tyromancy is the practice of using cheese for divination, and there's also a clue that associates hermits with hermetic seals; see bottle of WizStrip.
a copy of Wizarding Weekly. It's in the rack in the garderobe.
Read it repeatedly until you've seen all its articles. There's nothing you must learn from the newspaper, but the background information about Vechlee, Ninario, Renaldo, etc. helps to ground you into this new world you find yourself in.
a scrap of paper. It's at the pile of rubble, north of the farmyard.
Read it. The text is fragmentary, but it seems to be from a letter that the farm owner wrote, explaining that they discovered that arktos essence attracted creatures instead of repelling them.
Tools
a pillow containing some stuffing. It's on the bed in Ninario's bedroom.
On the mountaintop, give the pillow or the goggles to the hermit to gain his favour.
If you remove the stuffing, there's feathers everywhere and you're left with a frilly lace pillow that's useless.
a magnesium flare. It's the silvery-white cylinder on the laboratory's table.
Turn the cylinder/flare to turn it on or off. Its light lets you see in the dark basement areas.
a hand drill. It's in the workshop.
While you can try to "use drill on something", you're usually told that would not be helpful. (If there's anything you are permitted to drill, I didn't find it.)
At outskirts, give the drill to Ned. He thanks you and leaves. Now you can enter the guild hall.
a black rubber hose. In the gatehouse, it falls off the rusty machine when you pour exactly four pints of water into the machine and the portcullis raises.
In the guild hall's closet, put the hose onto the nozzle and into the grille. Now when you turn the closet's valve on, the gas goes upstairs instead of filling the ground floor rooms.
a cannonball. It's in the workshop's furnace.
The cannonball is very heavy and you need both hands free to take it. You drop the ball a few turns later even if you don't want to.
If you put the cannonball into the satchel, the satchel's magic cancels out the cannonball's weight.
One way to open the caer doors is to shoot the cannonball at it. In Ninario's tower, put a pouch or purse of black powder and a cannonball into the cannon, aim the cannon at the doors, then pull the cord. (Note however, you get more points if you use yourself at a projectile instead; see helmet, butter, cord.)
At the end of the lane, put some wood hastener on the elm tree to grow it, then wear the bearskin rug, goggles, helmet, and satchel, with the cannonball and everything else in the satchel. Climb to the top of the elm, then take the cannonball out of the satchel. The sudden increase in weight flings you into the farm's garden. The rug, goggles, and helmet protect you from an angry hawk, angry dogs, and a head collision with the fence.
the end of the cord. The cord is part of the cannon on Ninario's tower.
If you're planning to shoot yourself out of the cannon, first prepare by putting the pouch or purse of black powder in the cannon, aim the cannon to your intended target (like the caer doors), and wear the butter. Now take the cord, then enter the cannon, then pull the cord. If you enter the cannon without first taking the cord, you can't reach the cord.
a firm strong branch. It snaps off the elm tree if you first apply some hastener to the tree, then go up a little then north along the branch.
You don't need the branch for anything.
a threadbare red carpet. The flying carpet convoy leaves it behind on the plateau after you get past the bear.
The carpet only has one flight left in it. Avoid using it until you and Ninny are in the guild's tower. Drop the carpet and get on it to escape the guild hall and win the game.
You can fly the carpet (only once) from any outdoor location, but you don't get to choose your destination. If flying from the guild's tower or the mountaintop, you fly to Outside Vechlee. If flying from elsewhere, you might fly to Dusty Road, Courtyard, or Market Square.
Wearables
your clothes. You're wearing them.
Your original clothes are an ordinary shirt and trousers, but when you enter the portal, your clothes are transformed into robes appropriate for a wizard's apprentice.
You are unwilling to remove your clothes in this game.
a stick of butter. It's in Ninny's kitchen.
You may eat one bite of the butter, if you wish, and it's delicious, but you're unwilling to eat more than that.
If you want to enter the cannon, wear the butter. You now have a generous smearing of butter (all over your clothes), and you are now slippery enough to enter the cannon.
If you and Ninny are in his Cell, give either the butter or margarine to Ninny. Now he's slippery enough to escape down the toilet. You don't need any lubricant for yourself to enter the toilet.
a rusty helmet. Acquire it by examining the rubbish heap.
If you shoot yourself out of the cannon at the caer gates, you should wear the helmet, but astonishingly, you can survive without it.
At the very top of the tree, you must be wearing the helmet when you take the cannonball in order to fall into the garden. Otherwise, you fall to the end of the lane instead.
You must wear the bearskin rug, helmet, and arktos essence to get past the bear on the ledge. All three are required.
a pair of spectacles. They're in the sewer vat after you unblock it; see bottle of WizStrip.
Clean the specs, then give them to Ninny in his study.
a bearskin rug. It's in Ninny's study. Take it after he's arrested.
At the end of the lane, wear the rug and goggles when climbing to the top of the elm tree. You need both of them to protect you from the hawk.
Wear the rug to scare away the dogs in the garden; see cannonball. If you're not already wearing the rug when you land, you have just enough time to take it from your satchel and wear it to save yourself. Otherwise, you die.
For what it's worth, people ignore the rug when you wear it around town. People don't even comment on it.
a pair of black goggles. They're in the workshop.
Wear the googles when climbing the elm tree, otherwise the hawk will attack your unprotected eyes and force you back down onto the ground.
On the mountaintop, give the goggles or the pillow to the hermit to gain his favour.
a stick of margarine. It's in the guild's kitchen.
If you and Ninny are in his Cell, give either the butter or margarine to Ninny. Now he's slippery enough to escape down the toilet. You don't need any lubricant for yourself to enter the toilet, and you prefer butter regardless.
Score
The response to SCORE is:
You have so far scored your-score out of a possible 50, in several turns, meaning your-status.
Points are awarded as follows:
1 point for entering the glowing portal.
1 point for cleaning the library.
1 point for turning on the magnesium flare.
4 points for unblocking the sewer vat.
1 point for getting the spectacles clean.
1 point for giving the spectacles to Ninario.
4 points for having Ninario attempt to close the rift.
2 points for raising the portcullis.
4 points for creating the black powder.
Either:
4 points for blasting yourself through the caer doors, or
2 points for blasting the cannonball through the caer doors.
1 point for spreading wood hastener on the elm tree.
1 point for getting past the hawk in the elm tree.
1 point for landing in the farm garden.
1 point for getting rid of the dogs in the garden.
1 point for finding the arktos essence in the barn.
1 point for exiting the farmyard through the gate.
1 point for finding the gold coin in the Building Society.
1 point for using the scrying bowl the first time.
One of:
4 points for giving the drill to the guard,
2 points for giving 10 plotkins to the guard, or
1 point for giving 5 plotkins to the guard.
4 points for getting past the bear on the ledge.
1 point for giving the goggles (or pillow) to the hermit.
2 points for getting the hermit to open the hermetically sealed bottle.
2 points for blowing up the first floor of the Wizards Guild Hall.
1 point for spreading wood hastener on the cell door.
5 points for escaping the Wizards Guild Hall with Ninario.
Points are deducted as follows:
−2 points for opting to brutally murder the old crone.
The known statuses are:
you failed the admission criteria.(0 points)
you spent a lot of time in the pub instead of the library.(1 point)
you wasted a lot of time on Usenet.(2 points)
you spent a lot of time playing interactive fiction in the computer lab.(3 points)
you would do so much better if you just applied yourself.(7 to 9 points)
you are a First year student.(13 points)
you are a Second year student.(17 to 19 points)
you are a Third year student.(21 to 24 points)
you are a Fourth year student.(25 to 29 points)
you were awarded a Bachelor's Degree.(33 to 34 points)
you were awarded a Bachelor's Degree (Honours).(35 points)
you were awarded a Master's Degree.(40 to 43 points)
you were awarded a Master's Degree (Honours).(48 points)
you were awarded a Doctor of Letters.(50 points)
Visions
To see a vision, put any cheese into the silver bowl. Other dairy products like butter don't work. The cheese is destroyed in the process.
There are fifteen possible visions chosen randomly, but there are only eleven cheeses in the game, so replaying is necessary if you really want to see every vision.
The possible visions, sorted by location name, are:
Cell. Ninario says "after you" in reference to the toilet.
Council Chamber. Renaldo orders Virgil to fix the hissing sewer pipes that are venting methane into the room.
Darkness. This is the description of any dark location in this game.
Eliza's Cheese Emporium. Renaldo arrests Eliza.
End of the Lane. You're putting wood hastener on the elm tree.
Endless Stair. You see the beginning of Zork III.
Garden. You watch helplessly as two ferocious dogs attack and kill you.
Hall. There are clouds of dust and shouts of panic from the south archway as Ninario tells you "Well done!"
Inside the Barrow. You see the beginning of Zork II.
On the Mountaintop. A hermit complains how the sunlight is hurting his eyes.
Outskirts. You give a hand drill to Ned and make him very happy.
Sorcery Supply. The crone exclaims that cheese is the true secret to divination.
Tower (the guild one). You're trying and failing to launch a red carpet. Ninario says maybe you shouldn't have taken that ride down the mountainside.
The Very Top of the Tree. While wearing a helmet, you fall out of an elm tree with a cannonball.
West of House. You see the beginning of Zork I.
Note: Caerphilly always gives a fuzzy, indistinct vision, as per Eliza's warning in the copy of Wizarding Weekly.
