In this large game, you play as Gary Randall, a man who had a heart attack in 2026, was frozen in a cryogenic tube, then revived in 2189 by green aliens from Oo. Humanity bombed itself back to the Iron Age in 2068 and aliens rule the planet now. And these aliens insist that you will play their new interactive fiction game, Nothing But Mazes, which is filled with mazes and death traps. Oh, and you'll die in real life if you die in the game. Doesn't that sound like fun?
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Version 2.0: Full version (20190812) of the game.
SPOILERS AHEAD. Reading a walkthrough prematurely can sometimes diminish one's enjoyment of an interactive fiction game. Please make an honest effort to play the game before reading this walkthrough.
Note the initial letters of the animals' names. You need to visit, in alphabetical order, twenty-six animals from A to Z, one for each letter in the English alphabet.
If you didn't include the butterfly module when you compiled the game, the Xerces Blue Butterfly is instead called the X-Shaped Butterfly. Whew.
Map 2b: [N]OISE to EGRE[S][S] maze
Map 2c: [N]OUN to A[W]AY maze
Map 2d: West pyramid maze
If you don't visit every location in the pyramid, the chest won't appear in the apex. Instead, there will be a sign telling you you're about to die.
Map 2e: East pyramid maze
If you don't visit every location in the pyramid, the chest won't appear in the apex. Instead, there will be a sign telling you you're about to die.
Map 2f: Africa maze
CAUTION: This topological map does not use compass directions.
Do not use compass directions when traversing the Africa map. Instead, either click the hyperlink for the country you wish to go to next or enter the country's two-letter abbreviation.
The green numbers are my suggested visiting order, but my solution to this maze is not unique. Other valid traversals are possible.
Map 2g: Mexico maze
CAUTION: This topological map does not use compass directions.
Do not use compass directions when traversing the Mexico map. Instead, either click the hyperlink for the district you wish to go to next or enter the district's two-letter abbreviation.
The green numbers are my suggested visiting order, but my solution to this maze is not unique. Other valid traversals are possible.
Map 2h1: Book maze 1
You start in the "W" room by going down from Crystal Chamber.
Spell out "WARANDPEACE" to continue to Book maze 2.
Map 2h2: Book maze 2
You start in the northeastern "T" room by solving Book maze 1.
Spell out "THESCARLETLETTER" to continue to Book maze 3.
Your container is opened by a green creature and you remember signing up for cryogenic storage. Your recuperation takes a week. Then more aliens take you via aircar to another building where your brain is scanned and forcefed knowledge. You can now understand and speak their language.
Conference Room (sitting in the first chair)
You can't talk to the guards, so examine things for three turns until more aliens arrive.
> x me. x table. x guards.
Two new aliens arrive and they put books, papers, and devices on the table before sitting down.
> x green jacket.
A conversation begins. The alien in the green jacket asks if you understand them. CAUTION: If you stay silent, they will kill you.
>> 1
Yellow asks if you're Gary Randall. CAUTION: If you stay silent or insist you're not Gary, they will kill you.
>> 1
Green identifies himself as Neton, the director of the Institute of Humanities at the Center for Earthological Studies, Australian Campus.
Yellow is Ovan, an assistant professor of interactive fiction, also at CESAC Humanities.
They tell you that you had a heart attack in 2026 and that it's now 2189 by your calendar.
During the rest of this conversion, feel free to talk at any time and choose any menu option you like. This section is to help orient you to your situation and get whatever background info you need.
> t. >> NUMBER
They tell you there was a nuclear war in 2068; humanity is back to the Iron Age.
> t. >> NUMBER
They tell you their race is the Oo. They've been here about 100 years.
> t. >> NUMBER
They tell you they study interactive fiction, which they regard as the highest art form.
> t. >> NUMBER
They tell how they found you in a cryogenic facility. If necessary, they will ask you to confirm your prior experience with IF at this point.
CAUTION: You must confirm that you've played interactive fiction when they ask you about it. They will kill you if you claim you've never played interactive fiction before.
> t. >> NUMBER
They tell you they've written a game! Set on Earth! And they want you to playtest it!
> t. >> NUMBER
They say that the best IF has puzzles, and the best puzzles are mazes.
> t. >> NUMBER
The title of their game is Totoona Eeret which means The Mazes of Earth but also means Only Mazes or...
The game's cover art is displayed: NOTHING BUT MAZES.
> about.(This opens up a menu.)
> t. >> 1("No-o-o!")
They ask if you have any questions. NOTE: You only get one question.
>> NUMBER
You are escorted to a cell and locked in for the night.
Cell
You meet Vicki and Diane. You probably want to lawnmow through these conversation menus and learn everything you can.
> t. >> 1(The aliens' IF is actually virtual reality.)
> t. >> 1(Their games are full of insta-death rooms.)
> t. >> 1(If you die in the game, they kill you.)
> t. >> 1(Use the food dispenser to hack into their computer.)
> t. >> 1(They show you how to hack into the system.)
> t. >> 2(This is your risk to take, not theirs.)
> t. >> 3(The women claimed to still be fertile.)
> t. >> 3(They tell you about Stephen and Doug.)
> t. >> 3(Vicki admits she played Wishbringer.)
> t. >> 3 >> 1(You ask Vicki about herself.)
> t. >> 3 >> 2(You ask Diane about herself.)
> t. >> 3 >> 5(You ask them about yourself.)
> t. >> 3 >> 6(You ask them about Neton.)
> t. >> 3 >> 7(You ask them about Ovan.)
> t. >> 3 >> 8(You ask them about the assistant.)
> t. >> 3 >> 9(You ask them about the guards.)
> t >> 4 >> 1(You ask about the nuclear war.)
> t >> 4 >> 2(You ask about the surviving humans.)
> t >> 4 >> 3(You ask about the remaining frozen people.)
> t >> 4 >> 4(You ask where we are.)
Look around and use the dispenser.
> x Vicki. x Diane. x pants. x bed. x door.
> x dispenser.("Food Dispenser 53A")
> use dispenser.(A menu opens)
>> 1(A food cube is dispensed)
>> 0
> take cube. x cube. eat cube.(It's awful.)
> t. >> 3(You ask them about the food.)
> use dispenser.
>> 2(Log in as administrator.)
By the way, I suggest NOT releasing deadly gas at the salt mines. You'll just kill lots of humans that way.
>> 1(You can't play Cave Maze VII.)
>> 2(Get status report on staff and crew.)
>> 3(Get status report on prisoners.)
>> 5(Program Nothing but Mazes)
You enter a virtual world...
Place
CAUTION: Don't run mazes while you're in here. The aliens will notice and kill you.
> x box. x mazes.m. x mazes.exe
> run winnability.(Game is viable. Odds of winning: 0.01%-0.03%.)
Just put all the .m items into the box and recompile the game.
> put all in box.(The .exe items aren't portable.)
> run m9compiler.
> run winnability.(Viable. Odds: 30%-50%.)
Just in case, I'm going to put everything back where I found it:
> take all from box. drop all. put mazes.m in box.
> exit.
Cell
> t >> 1(You explain how you've raised the odds.)
> t >> 2(You ask what to do next.)
> t >> 3(You ask how they know so much about the game.)
In this maze, you need to say English words of at least four letters in length beginning with the letter of the room you're currently in, and ending with the letter you want to go to. And if a word you think should be valid but is not recognized, you'll just have to think of another one.
In this maze, the only valid directions are those whose abbreviations, when inserted into the blank of the current incomplete word, forms a valid English word.
When there are two blanks, a single-letter direction is inserted twice, and a two-letter direction in inserted once (one letter per blank).
Noise. cleanSE. iNNards. loNE. Naves.
> n. se. n. ne. n.
NudE. Waddling. Watery. SEver. stoW.
> ne. w. w. se. w.
poNd. caSheW. humaN. Wings. fleW.
> n. sw. n. w. w.
diN. conteNt. thiN. paNNed. Wish.
> n. n. n. n. w.
saNE. SEat. uSed. gleE. loNEly.
> ne. se. s. e. ne.
reNoWn. heaveN.
> nw. n. d.(+90)
Lion's Teeth
> w.
At Maze's End
If you want to get this part of the game over with, jump to here where you will go down this hole to the Net-Hac-Man! mini-game.
However, completionists, masochists, and the just-plain-curious will turn away from this hole and go solve all the other mini-games we passed by earlier. Let's go roughly clockwise from here around the main maze.
You need to visit every location in the pyramid without retracing your path, and finish at the apex. As you travel, the way behind you will be blocked.
> x sign.
> e. e. n. w. u. w. d.
> n. w. w. s. s. e. n. u.
> n. n. d.
> w. n. e. e. e. e. s. s. w. u.
> n. d. w. u. s. u.
Pyramid Apex
The chest won't be here unless you traversed the pyramid completely.
This is a follow-the-alphabet maze, going from A to Z. If you're in a hurry, you can skip examining the animals, but you'll be missing out on all their lovely descriptions.
> x alligator. e.
> x bee. sw.
> x crab. se.
> x dolphin. se.
> x elephant. w.
> x frog. ne.
> x giraffe. nw.
> x hummingbird. ne.
> x iguana. se.
> x jellyfish. ne.
> x kangaroo. s.
> x ladybug. se.
> x monkey. s.
> x newt. nw.
> x octopus. sw.
> x penguin. e.
> x quail. s.
> x ray. w.
> x seahorse. sw.
> x turtle. s.
> x urchin. nw.
> x vulture. ne.
> x walrus. se.
By the way, the Xerces blue butterfly is called an X-shaped butterfly if you didn't include the butterfly identifier module earlier.
In this maze, the only valid directions are those whose abbreviations, when inserted into the blank of the current incomplete word, forms a valid English word.
When there are two blanks, a single-letter direction is inserted twice, and a two-letter direction in inserted once (one letter per blank).
In this maze, you need to say English words of at least four letters in length beginning with the letter of the room you're currently in, and ending with the letter you want to go to. And if a word you think should be valid but is not recognized, you'll just have to think of another one.
You need to visit every location in the pyramid without retracing your path, and finish at the apex. As you travel, the way behind you will be blocked.
> x sign.
> w. w. n. e. u. n. n. d.
> n. w. s. s. e. e. s. u. e. d.
> s. e. n. n. w. u. n. d.
> e. n. w. w. s. u. s. u.
Pyramid Apex
The chest won't be here unless you traversed the pyramid completely.
The 13th movie is "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon":
> nw. s. se. e. xyzzy. sw. nw.("CROUCHING")
> s. w. ne. nw. e.("TIGER")
> xyzzy. e. n. w. s.("HIDDEN")
> e. w. sw. s. ne. s.("DRAGON"; +90; Sheila falls to...)
Massive Rockslide
> e.
At Maze's End
Take a deep breath...
> save. d.
Net-Hac-Man! (Junctions, Hallways, and Bends)
This is an amazing fusion of Net-Hack and Pac-Man. Your goal here is to eat all the dots and potions of polymorph monster in the maze without being killed by any of the red-character monsters.
The potions are represented by exclamation marks. Eating one turns the dangerous red monsters into much weaker blue creatures for several turns.
If you included the Adam Thornton module, he's also here, represented as a green capital A. You can't eat him, but you may talk to him. To get his aid, you want to manuever so Adam is between you and any approaching monster. He'll chase it away.
Of course, I'm assuming Adam is included.
Unfortunately, this section is too randomized for me to give explicit instructions. Talk to Adam when you're near him, avoid the monster, and gobble up all the dots. Do your best. If you fail, you can RESET this maze and try again.
> PLAY-AS-APPROPRIATE-UNTIL-YOU-WIN(+150 total)
... possessions identified? y
... bot's attributes? y
... bot's conduct? y
*** Thank you for playing Nothing but Mazes ***
> SPACE
Dream Room (lying on the couch)
Talking to Neton and Ovan (first menu):
>> 0(You can't leave the menu.)
>> 1(You talk about agitated)
>> 1(You talk about Soylent Green)
>> 1(You talk about last man)
>> 1(You talk about ultraviolence)
>> 1(You talk about rights; you advance to...)
Second menu:
>> 1 –to– 5(You can't speak!)
Third menu:
>> 1 –to– 5(You can try talking again.)
Fourth menu:
>> 1 –to– 4
>> 4(You talk about lack of control)
Fifth menu. You're trapped in a maze of conversation options!
>> 1(You ask if they're stuck too.)
>> 1(You ask Ovan about writing the program.)
>> 1(You ask about the real Neton and Ovan.)
>> 1(You ask about doubt.)
You can waste time asking about Earth ...
>> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1
>> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1
... and about Oo history ...
>> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1
... and about Oo art and culture ...
>> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1
... and their maze game. I prefer to say I liked the game and to not mention Shiela.
>> 1 >> 1 >> 2 >> 1 >> 2 >> 2
But you really need to ask about a different game.
>> 2
Such a long list. Whichever one you ask about, they will mention a flaw with it and remove all games with that flaw from the list.
However, Cave Maze VII is added to the list, because they'll always mention how superior it is.
Repeatedly asking about Cave Maze VII is the key to crashing the program. But it doesn't hurt to see what they have to say about the other games first:
>> 1(Adventure has cheese.)
>> 1(Border Zone has no caves.)
>> 2(Hunter, in Darkness is too engaging.)
>> 2(Knight Orc only has one cave room.)
>> 2(Once and Future is set in the past.)
>> 2(Zork is no Cave Maze VII.)
Ask about Cave Maze VII repeatedly:
>> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1 >> 1
> SPACE(The game crashes.)
Beach
> SPACE
Dream Room (lying on the couch)
You wake up for real. Achievement unlocked: Earth Maze Master.
You're strongly suggested to SAVE the game here.
> save.
> achievements.
Neton and Ovan have the most delightful petty argument right in front of you for many turns. You may want to just wait here and listen to them bicker until it's too late, then restore to that save-point you just made.
Otherwise, run!
> s.
Hallway (south of Dream Room)
Don't stop to admire the helpful sign pointing east.
> e.
Hallway (south of stairs)
There's a sign and a button here. If you stop and read the sign and push the button, you activate a slowing field that helps a lot, except there's another Achievement to earn by not using it, so don't even stop.
> n.
Stairs
Neton and Ovan re-appear on the map.
> n.
Hallway (north of stairs)
> n.
Skyway
A guard appears on the map.
> n.
Museum
Neton and Ovan come into view.
There's sixteen pedestals with artifacts and most of them are guns of some sort. Since time is of the essence, let's assume you examined them all in an earlier play session and you know what's what.
> light explosive. throw explosive at Neton.
By now, the other guard and the assistant have joined the first guard.
> shoot Neton with silenced.(Suddenly, only Ovan is left.)
> shoot Ovan.(Achievement: "It's Not Impossible, Just Really Hard"!)
> save.
If you're in a big rush to end the game, go to the office, find the keycard, free the women, and escape the building.
However, there's a huge amount of content left. Start by examining everything here:
> x black pedestal. x SHOTGUN.
> x navy pedestal. x phaser.
> x green pedestal.(The explosive was here.)
> x maroon pedestal. x handgun.
> x teal pedestal. x laser.
> x purple pedestal. x dispensing machine.
> x olive pedestal. x crystal.
> x silver pedestal. x particle gun.
> x gray pedestal. x xenite.
> x blue pedestal. x ary ung.
> x lime pedestal. x pulse gun.
> x red pedestal. x electric pistol.
> x aqua pedestal. x silenced pistol.
> x fuchsia pedestal. x disrupter.
> x yellow pedestal. x launcher. read graffiti.("31569")
> x white pedestal. x T-removing gun.
Most of these weapons are now useless to you except two with which you can earn achievements:
> take ary ung. take T-removing gun.
For earning the transformation achievements, the game is only interested in real words, including alien words that the author has given meaning to in this game. Things like "xenie" (whatever it is) don't count towards achievements.
However, note that transformations that kill you or otherwise end the game still count! Use UNDO afterwards (multiple times, if necessary) and keep playing; the game remembers what transformations you achieved even when you UNDO them. Likewise when you RESTORE your game!
Now let's shoot things in the Museum:
> shoot SHOTGUN with ary.(gunshot! A-score: 1)
> undo. shoot SHOTGUN with T.(Shogun! T-score: 1)
> x Shogun.
> shoot black pedestal with T.(pedesal! T-score: 2)
Note: You'll only get credit for one pedesal. You can't rack up 16 points that easily.
*** You have died ***
> undo.
> shoot Phaser with ary.(seraph! A-score: 2)
> shoot laser with ary.(earls! A-score: 3)
> x machine.(Back to the fish dispenser.)
> push button. x minnow. x drain.
> push button. shoot trout with ary.(tutor! A-score: 4)
> push button. shoot tetra with T.(era! T-score: 3)
> undo. shoot tetra with ary.(treat! A-score: 5)
> push button. shoot seahorse with ary.(seashore! A-score: 6)
*** You have died ***
> undo. x seahorse.
> push button. shoot char with ary.(arch! A-score: 7)
> push button. shoot perch with ary.(nacho crêpe! A-score: 8)
> push button. shoot sturgeon with T.(surgeon! T-score: 4)
> push button. shoot chub with ary.(huge bronco! A-score: 9)
> push button. shoot bream with ary.(amber! A-score: 10)
> push button. shoot lungfish with ary.(Hungarian cliffs! A-score: 11)
*** You have died ***
> undo. x lungfish.
> push button. shoot tuna with ary.(aunt! A-score: 12)
> push button. shoot gar with ary.(rag! A-score: 13)
> push button. shoot eel with ary.(alien bible poets! A-score: 14)
> push button. shoot tarpon with ary.(patron! A-score: 15)
> push button. shoot oto with T.(Oo! T-score: 5)
> push button.("Click.")
> shoot particle gun with ary.(ecru plating! A-score: 16)
*** You have been encased in ecru plating ***
> undo. shoot particle with T.
> x paricle gun.
> shoot paricle with ary.(nuclear pig! A-score: 17)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot electric with ary.(electric pilots! A-score: 18)
> put silenced on aqua.
> shoot silenced with ary.(licensed pilots! A-score: 19)
> shoot disrupter with ary.(opportunistic herd! A-score: 20)
*** You have died ***
> undo. x launcher. type on keypad.
>> 31569
>> 123456789
*** You have died ***
> undo.
> shoot west platform with ary.(pet flatworms! A-score: 21)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot east platform with ary.(foam splatter! A-score: 22)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot west platform with T.(Wesp laform! T-score: 6)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot east platform with T.(Easp laform! T-score: 7)
*** You have died ***
> undo. s.
Skyway
> x Ovan. x yellow jacket. x Ovan's icepick.
> shoot Ovan with ary.(nova! A-score: 23)
*** You have died ***
> undo. s.
Hallway (north of stairs)
> x Neton. x green jacket. x Neton's icepick.
> shoot Neton with T.(neon! T-score: 8. Achievement unlocked!)
> s.
Stairs
> x young guard. x young uniform. x young cannon.
> x old guard. x old uniform. x old cannon.
> x assistant. x beige jacket. x dagger.
> x stairs. shoot stairs with ary.(sitars! A-score: 24)
*** You have died ***
> undo. s.
Hallway (south of stairs)
> x sign. x apparatus. x small button.
> x drain. shoot drain with ary.(nadir! A-score: 25)
> x nadir. shoot nadir with ary.(drain! A-score: 26)
> s.
Confernce Room
> x table. x door. x chair. x first chair.
> shoot table with t.(ABLE! T-score: 9)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot door with ary.(odor! A-score: 27)
*** You have died ***
> undo. n. w.
Hallway (south of Dream Room)
> x sign. n.
Dream Room
> x couch. x arm. x window.
> shoot arm with ary.(metal ram! A-score: 28)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot arm with T.(Me-Alarm! T-score: 10)
*** You have been recaptured ***
> undo. s. s.
Bathroom
> x mirror. x toilet.
> shoot toilet with T. shoot oile with ary.(Leo I! A-score: 29)
> shoot mirror with ary.(ray gun! A-score: 30)
> undo. n. w. s.
Break Room
> x table. x chair. x fridge. x freezer. x cupboard.
Start with the cupboard. Let's try to preserve as much of the food as we can so we can bring it all to the women later.
> open cupboard.
> x beets. shoot beets with T.(bees! T-score: 11)
*** You have died ***
> undo. x Aeros. taste Aeros. close Aeros.
> x syrup. shoot syrup with ary.(purple yams! A-score: 31)
> x yams. shoot yams with ary.(maple syrup! A-score: 32. Achievement unlocked!)
> x oil. taste oil. close oil. put oil in cupboard.
> shoot oil with ary.(violet beagle! A-score: 33)
> undo. shoot oil with T. shoot oil with ary.(olive beagle! A-score: 34)
> x bitters. shoot bitters with T.(biers! T-score: 12)
*** You have died ***
> undo. taste bitters. close bitters.
> x K. shoot K with ary.(silk cape! A-score: 35)
> x cape. shoot cape with ary.(Special K! A-score: 36)
> taste K. close K.
> x salt. shoot salt with ary.(tall beast! A-score: 37)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot salt with T.(Able Sal! T-score: 13)
*** You can no longer win this game, because Able Sal won it for you ***
> undo. taste salt.
Now for the freezer:
> open freezer.
> x bar. shoot bar with ary.(ceramic bear! A-score: 38)
> x bear. shoot bear with ary.(ice cream bar! A-score: 39)
> x tots. shoot tots with T.(Aeros! T-score: 14)
> undo.
And finally the fridge:
> open fridge.
> x upper shelf. shoot it with ary.(flesh! A-score: 40)
*** You have died ***
> undo. x upper drawer. shoot it with ary.(reward! A-score: 41)
*** You have won ***
Ignore that "win". You're not done.
> undo. x lemon. taste it.
> shoot lemon with ary.(melon! A-score: 42)
> x melon. taste it. shoot it with ary.(lemon! A-score: 43)
> x roast. shoot roast with ary.(Hebrew DOS fanatics! A-score: 44)
> undo. shoot roast with T.
> shoot roas with ary.(fresh Bone-Saw acid! A-score: 45)
*** You have died ***
> undo. undo.
> x milk. shoot milk with ary.(milk chocolate! A-score: 46)
> x milk. shoot milk with ary.(chocolate milk! A-score: 47)
> x Pepsi. shoot Pepsi with T.(Die, Pepsi! T-score: 15)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot Pepsi with ary.(tied pipes! A-score: 48)
> shoot pipes with T.(I'ed pipes! T-score: 16. Achievement unlocked!)
*** You have been transformed into a couple of pipes ***
> undo. shoot pipes with ary.(Diet Pepsi! A-score: 49)
> drink Pepsi. drop tall bottle.
> shoot tall bottle with ary.(toll battle! A-score: 50)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot tall bottle with T.(Allbole! T-score: 17)
> undo.
> x taco. shoot taco with ary.(coat! A-score: 51)
> x coat. shoot coat with ary.(taco! A-score: 52)
> x chowder. shoot it with ary.(calm cowherd! A-score: 53)
*** You have died ***
> undo. x noodle soup. shoot it with ary.(Shunned Cook Police! A-score: 54)
*** You have died ***
> undo. x minestrone. shoot it with ary.(ominous serpent! A-score: 55)
*** You have died ***
> undo. shoot minestrone with T.
> shoot minesrone with ary.(supreme onions! A-score: 56)
*** You have died ***
> undo. undo.
> x steak. shoot steak with ary.(stake! A-score: 57)
> x stake. shoot stake with T.(sake! T-score: 18)
> undo. undo. undo. shoot steak with T.
> shoot seak with ary.(sake! A-score: 58)
> x sake. drink sake. x round flask. drop it.
> shoot round flask with ary.(flak rounds! A-score: 59)
*** You have died ***
> undo. x brats. shoot brats with T.(bras! T-score: 19)
> x bras. shoot bras with ary.(bars! A-score: 60)
*** You have died ***
> undo. x mutton. shoot mutton with T.(muon! T-score: 20)
> undo. x torte. shoot torte with ary.(otter! A-score: 61)
> undo. shoot torte with T.(ore! T-score: 21)
> x ore. shoot ore with ary.(roe! A-score: 62)
> x truffles. shoot truffles with T.(Ruffles! T-score: 22)
> x Ruffles.
> x carrot cake. shoot it with ary.(oat cracker! A-score: 63)
> x cracker. shoot it with ary.(carrot cake! A-score: 64. Achievement unlocked!)
Time to grab everything:
> take all.(Hm, shelves and drawers are removable?)
> take all from upper shelf. take it.
> take all from lower shelf. take it.
> take all from upper drawer. close it. take it.
> take all from lower drawer. close it. take it.
> look in fridge. take certificate. read it.(Achievement unlocked!)
> shoot fridge with ary.(fried egg! A-score: 65)
> x egg. shoot egg with ary.(Fieggerd! A-score: 66)
*** You have died ***
> undo. take egg.
> n. n. n. e.
Office
> x Neton's desk. open Neton's drawer. x journals.
> read journals. g.
> x stapler. x Neton's computer.(locked)
> x Ovan's desk. x junk.
> open Ovan's drawer. x papers.(You take a keycard!)
> x keycard. read papers.
> x office shelves. x books.
> read books. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g. g.
> x files. x devices.
> close door. shoot files with ary.(flies! A-score: 67)
> shoot stapler with ary.(plaster! A-score: 68)
> x plaster. shoot plaster with T.
> shoot plaser with ary.(pearls! A-score: 69)
> x pearls. take pearls.
> drop keycard. shoot keycard with ary.(dry cake! A-score: 70)
> x dry. shoot dry with ary.(keycard! A-score: 71)
> take keycard. w. s. s. w.
Hallway (outside Cell)
> unlock south door with keycard. s.
Cell
The women react to you and what you're carrying. They grab two food items from you, if you have any.
> t. >> 1 >> 2
The women just want to escape. They have no interest in exploring the place.
> n. n. n. n.
*** You have won ***
> achievements
> credits
> making
> feelies
> trailer
Extras
Achievements
View your achievements with the ACHIEVEMENTS command, but only after you've escaped the aliens' maze game. There are eight achievements you can earn:
Earth Maze Master: Escape the aliens’ maze game.
At minimum, get to the Net-Hac-Man game and win that. Your in-game score doesn't matter.
Best Day in 163 Years: Win the game.
At minimum, get the keycard from Ovan's loose papers, free the women from the cell, and escape with them.
Cheese: The Final Verdict: Prove beyond a reasonable doubt whether or not this game contains cheese.
Empty the fridge completely and examine the certificate hidden under the lower drawer.
It’s Not Impossible, Just Really Hard: Defeat all five aliens without activating the slowing field.
I used the explosive to get rid of the guards and assistant, then the silenced pistol against Neton and Ovan. There are probably other ways to manage it.
T-Removing Trailblazer: Perform 8 transformations using the T-removing gun.
T-Removing Tour de Force: Perform 16 transformations using the T-removing gun.
Ary Ung Aficionado: Perform 32 transformations using the ary ung.
Ary Ung Ace Accomplishment: Perform 64 transformations using the ary ung.
Please see the transformations section for a table of what transforms into what.
The T-removing transformations that count are:
beets → bees
bitters → biers
brats → bras
Diet Pepsi → Die, Pepsi!
east platform → Easp laform
metal arm → Me-Alarm
mutton → muon
Neton → neon
oto → Oo
pedestal → pedesal
SHOTGUN → Shogun
stake → sake
sturgeon → surgeon
table → ABLE
table salt → Able Sal
tall bottle → Allbole
tater tots → Aeros
tetra → era
tied pipes → I'ed pipes
torte → ore
truffles → Ruffles
west platform → Wesp laform
Artwork
These are thumbnails of sampled artwork from the game. Please play the game to see these in their original full sizes.
First view of an alien
Gary in a wheelchair, eating while aliens watch
An aircar blasting through the sky
A metal couch and an articulated metal arm
The assistant, Gary, and the guards walking rightwards in a hallway
Conference room with guards at the door
Conference room with Neton and Ovan sitting at the table
"Nothing But Mazes" cover art featuring a maze-filled landscape
The professors, Gary, and the guards walking leftwards in a hallway
Vicki and Diane in the cell
The food dispenser
The dispenser with a food cube
A virtual box
The guards flanking Neton and Ovan, all looking towards you
Night sky with half moon
The professors, Gary, and the guards walking rightwards in a hallway
An empty virtual room
A virtual beach
Main maze map, initial view
Animals maze, initial view
Africa maze, initial view
Africa maze, finished
Mexico maze, initial view
Mexico maze, finished
West pyramid maze, initial view
East pyramid maze, initial view
Megamaze, initial view
[N]OISE to EGRE[S][S] map, completed
[N]OUN to A[W]AY map, completed
"Twisty Little Passages" map, completed
"Escape This Labyrinth" map, completed
First book title maze, initial view
First movie title maze, initial view
Main maze map, completed
Net-Hac-Man! game, initial view
Net-Hac-Man controls
CESAC floor plan
THE END
Or is it?
Characters
Main characters:
Some medical aliens help revive you from your cryogenic sleep.
Neton is the director of the Institute of Humanities at the Center for Earthological Studies, Australian Campus. He's the effective leader of all the aliens you meet in this game.
Ovan is an assistant professor of interactive fiction, also at CESAC Humanities. He's much less serious than Neton and is obsessed with a game called Cave Maze VII.
The old guard and the young guard are grunts that would love any excuse to kill you.
The assistant leads you to the Conference Room at the beginning of the game. He's also part of the group trying to kill you at the end.
Vicki Murakami is a woman of Asian descent in the Cell. She was a history professor in Florida.
Diane Gadke is a blonde woman in the Cell. She was an air traffic controller in Phoenix. She's a bit more blunt than Vicki.
Sheila is a friendly "robot navigator" within the aliens' game. She will help you in any way she can.
Special Guest Star:
Adam Thornton is a character that is added to the Net-Hac-Man! game if you included his module when you recompiled the aliens' game. He appears as a green capital A in the game. You can talk to him! If polymorphed, he becomes a Bandit.
Also featuring:
An orange butterfly is at the beach. If you included the butterfly identification module, you recognize it as a Gulf Fritillary butterfly.
A noxious beast kills you if you play a version of the aliens' game that doesn't include Sheila.
Animals in the animal maze:
an alligator, a bee, a caribou, a cat, a clam, a cow, a crab, a dolphin, a dragonfly, a duck, an elephant, a fox, a frog, a giraffe, a hummingbird, an iguana, a jellyfish, a kangaroo, a ladybug, a monkey, a newt, an octopus, a penquin, a pelican, a quail, a rabbit, a ram, a ray, a scallop, a seahorse, a squid, a starfish, a turkey, a turtle, an urchin, a vulture, a walrus, a whale, a woodpecker, a Xerces Blue butterfly, a yak, and a zebra.
Animals in the Africa maze:
camels, crocodiles, elephants, hippos, hyenas, jackals, lions, and ostriches.
Animals in the Mexico maze:
chupacabras.
Other creatures in the Net-Hac-Man game:
balrog, bat, blue bullfrog, blue chicken, blue duck, Blue Morpho butterfly (Morpho menelaus), blue nightingale, blue turkey, copyright man, Internet troll, Large White butterfly (Pieris brassicae), red dragon, red naga, white bullfrog, white chicken, white duck, white nightingale, and white turkey.
alien bible poets, aunt, calm cowherd, earls, electric pilots, Fieggerd, flies, Hebrew DOS fanatics, huge bronco, Leo I, licensed pilots, nuclear pig, olive beagle, ominous serpent, opportunistic herd, otter, patron, pet flatworms, pretend eagles, roe, seraph, Shunned Cook Police, tall beast, toll battle, tutor, and violet beagle.
Creatures created by the T-removing gun:
Able Sal, Allbole (a virus of 18 Scorpii II), aqua pedesal (pedesals are dinosaur-like predators of 18 Scorpi II), bees, black pedesal, blue pedesal, bobail snipe eel, eal pedesal, fuchsia pedesal, gray pedesal, green pedesal, lime pedesal, maroon pedesal, navy pedesal, olive pedesal, Oo, purple pedesal, red pedesal, silver pedesal, surgeon, and yellow pedesal.
Mentioned:
Stephen was an investor from Vancouver, now deceased.
Doug was a scientist from Virginia, now deceased.
Toova is the Chief Anti-Cheese Official for CESAC.
Graham Nelson is the author of Ruins II: The Reliques of Chichén Itzá (2039).
Conrad Knopf is the author of Raiders of the Star Temple (1989).
Credits
From the game menus accessed via ABOUT:
Main Credits
Writing/programming: Greg Boettcher
Artwork: Greg Boettcher
Music: Greg Boettcher
Programming assistance: Krister Fundin
(Krister improved the AI for one segment of the game. Thanks, Krister!)
Testing:
Alpha testing: Daphne Brinkerhoff
IntroComp beta testing (2006): Mara Meijers, Peter Mattsson, Bernard Philie L’Heureux, Chephren, Mike Snyder, Matt Funke, Michael Martin, Poster
Final cut beta testing (2008-19): Patrick Mooney, Krister Fundin, Jim Aikin, Charles Srstka, Nikos Chantziaras, Adam Thornton, Barbara Brinkerhoff
(Big thanks to all the testers. Many of them spent numerous hours on testing without anything in return. They helped make this game as good as it is.)
Technical assistance:
Eric Eve, Mike Roberts, Nikos Chantziaras, Krister Fundin, Michel Nizette, Damian Dollahite, tomasb, Steve Breslin, Khelwood, Guilherme de Sousa, Rick Hawk
(Thanks to everyone who answered my questions about TADS 3.)
Programming system:
TADS 3: Mike Roberts, et al.
TADS 3 documentation: Mike Roberts, Eric Eve, et al.
(Without Mike Roberts, there’d be no TADS 3, and without Eric Eve, it’d be a lot harder to learn it. Thanks, guys.)
Programming interpreters:
Player Kit (Windows): Mike Roberts
QTads (Multi-platform): Nikos Chantziaras
CocoaTADS (Mac OS X): Charles Srstka
(Because of these people, this game is not Windows-only. Big thanks to them, especially to Nikos for his technical help.)
The Ms. Pac-Man opening music is copyrighted by Namco, Ltd. It has been modified and included here without permission.
Other music is by Greg Boettcher.
Quotation credits
At one point in this game there are items that mimic the behavior of items previously appearing in the games listed below, and thus take quotations from those games. I don’t think this goes beyond the bounds of fair usage, so I haven’t felt obligated to ask for permission in all cases. But I do want to give credit here.
Note: where games are asterisked[*], I did ask for permission, and was granted it. Many thanks to the authors who granted this request.
Xenos (Robert Arnstein Corporation)
Strange Odyssey, by Scott Adams (Adventure International)
Countdown to Doom, by Peter D. Killworth (Topologika)
Snowball, by Pete, Mike, and Nick Austin (Level 9 Computing)
Planetfall, by Steve Meretzky (Infocom)
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams and Steve Meretzky (Infocom)
Fish! by John Molloy, Pete Kemp, Phil South, and Rob Steggles (Magnetic Scrolls)
Gateway II: Homeworld, by Mike Verdu and Glen Dahlgren (Legend Entertainment)
Deep Space Drifter, by Michael J. Roberts[*] and Steve McAdams
The Legend Lives! by David M. Baggett (Adventions)
Spider and Web, by Andrew Plotkin[*]
Fallacy of Dawn, by Robb Sherwin[*]
Scavenger, by Quintin Stone[*]
Moments out of Time 2: Adventure Type by L. Ross Raszewski[*]
Copyright
This game is copyright 2006–2019 by Greg Boettcher. It is freeware, so you may play it at no charge. You may also copy it and distribute it as much as you want, as long as you don’t charge any money for doing so, and as long as you don’t modify the game in any way.
To contact me for any reason, please write to email redacted.
Endings
You have entered a maze of twisty little passages, all alike
if you play a version of the aliens' game without the robot module (you get killed by a beast).
Your bot has died
if Shiela dies; for example, the red dragon in the Net-Hac-Man maze could kill her.
You have transformed into a couple of pipes
if you shoot the tied pipes with the T-remover.
You have fallen prey to pretend eagles
if you shoot the green pedestal with the ary ung.
You have been encased in ecru plating
if you shoot the particle gun with the ary ung.
You have died
if you play a version of the aliens' game that is non-viable.
if you try to run mazes.exe in the virtual programming Place.
if you play a version of the aliens' game that doesn't include Sheila.
if you insist on entering the slowing field.
if you insist on entering the drain revealed by the fish dispenser.
if any of the aliens kill you during the time-sensitive part of the game.
if you're near the explosive or the disruptor when either explodes.
if you launch the missile launcher's missile.
if you shoot Ovan with the ary ung.
if you shoot the table salt with the ary ung.
if you shoot the bitters with the T-remover.
if you shoot yourself with the silenced pistol.
You have been recaptured
if you shoot the metal arm with the T-remover.
You have escaped
if you leave the CESAC building without the women.
You can no longer win this game, because Able Sal won it for you
if you shoot the table salt with the T-remover.
You have won
if you leave the CESAC building with the women.
if you shoot a drawer with the ary ung.
Also, I remember there was an ending where the women attack you outside the CESAC building, but I wasn't able to figure out what I did to get that ending.
Inventory
Pre-game real items
your gray shirt and your gray pants. You'll be wearing both items by the time you get to the Conference Room scene during the introduction. You will not be willing to take them off at any time, nor will you be able to transform them with the ary ung or T-removing gun. Sorry, no gray shir, gray pans, right rays, or angry pats for you.
a food cube. You don't need it, but you may obtain one by using the dispenser in the Cell and selecting 1 from its main menu. You may safely eat it. You cannot get a second cube from the dispenser until you've eaten the first one.
Pre-game virtual items
All these items are in Place, and you should put them all in the box and recompile the game to include them all. Give yourself every advantage!
adamthornton.m. Include this optional module in the game if you want Adam Thornton to be available to help you in the Net-Hac-Man! minigame.
beachchair.m. Include this optional module in the game if you want to begin the game on a pleasant beach instead of an empty room.
butterflyidentification.m. Include this optional module in the game if you want to be able to identify any butterflies you find. There's four in the game:
Gulf fritillary butterfly (Agraulis vanillae) on the Beach; you must include beachchair.m.
Xerces blue butterfly (Glaucopsyche xerces) in the animal maze. It's an X-shaped butterfly otherwise.
Blue Morpho butterfly (Morpho menelaus) if you transform the bat in Net-Hac-Man.
Large White butterfly (Pieris brassicae) if you transform the bat in Net-Hac-Man.
Note that these last two butterflies require Adam to be included (see adamthornton.m), and you or Adam must have first defeated the dragon, the copyright man, and the Internet troll so the bat is present, and then you have to drink a potion so the bat transforms.
mazes.m. You must include this core module to have any viable game.
robotnavigator.m. You must include this core module to have Sheila, the bot, in the game. You cannot survive without her.
vr2text.m. You must include this module to be able to communicate with Sheila in the game. Note that robotnavigator and vr2text are co-dependent on each other; including one module without the other results in a non-viable game.
Starting room (Beach or Room) items
a tablet device. It's either on the Beach or in the Room. All you can do is play the game with it, but the idea is so unappealing, you'll have to repeat the command then say yes, you're sure you want to.
a banana daiquiri. It's on the Beach. You may drink it, leaving you with a frosted glass. Alas, you cannot do anything interesting with the glass. Waving your glass will not summon anyone to give you a refill.
Sheila's items
a leaflet. It's inside the mailbox at Entrance. Read it.
Museum items
Not all weapons are created equal! For completeness's sake, I will mention here that the fish dispenser is on the purple pedestal and the missile launcher is on the yellow pedestal, but since you can't pick either up, it's improper to list those two as inventory items.
a SHOTGUN. It's on the black pedestal.
To use it: shoot SOMETHING with shotgun. It has two bullets.
If you shoot someone with the shotgun, their body will immediately decay to dust afterwards.
If you shoot the SHOTGUN with the T-removing gun, you get a copy of Shogun!
If you shoot the SHOTGUN with the ary ung, it becomes a gunshot which fades away.
a Phaser. It's on the navy pedestal.
It has a charge of "26" and is set to "stun". The other setting is "destroy". Stunning requires 2 to 4 charge; destroying requires approximately 7 charge.
You can only use two word-commands with the phaser, eg: shoot Ovan. Note that setting the phaser to destroy takes two commands (and two turns): set phaser then to destroy.
Shooting someone with the phaser when set to destroy vaporizes their body.
If you shoot the Phaser with the ary ung, it becomes a seraph who flies away.
an explosive. It's on the green pedestal.
To use it: light explosive then throw explosive at SOMETHING. The explosive will explode one turn later.
The explosive can kill multiple aliens at once if they're all close enough to it when it explodes. Bodies are left behind.
You may not create an explosion after the aliens are all dead.
a handgun. It's on the maroon pedestal.
The handgun seems useless; if you try to shoot anyone with it, the game says "Don't be silly!"
a laser. It's on the teal pedestal.
To use it: shoot SOMETHING with laser. A beam of light is emitted, making the target warmer for a moment. It doesn't kill anyone.
You can also set the laser to a number from 1 to 6, changing the color of the light beam. 1 is red; 2 is orange; 3 is yellow; 4 is green; 5 is blue; and 6 is violet.
Note also, the more you use the laser, the hotter it gets. This doesn't seem to matter, but it's an interesting detail.
If you shoot the laser with the ary ung, it becomes earls who leave.
a crystal. It's on the olive pedestal.
The crystal is useless to you.
If you shoot the crystal with the T-removing gun, you create a crysal which is also useless.
a particle gun. It's on the silver pedestal.
To use it, shoot SOMEONE with particle. The target will die in agony, leaving a body. You can only shoot the aliens with this gun.
If you shoot the particle gun with the T-removing gun, you create a paricle gun.
To use the paricle gun, shoot SOMETHING with paricle. Unfortunately, this gun only shoots white light and is useless unless you need a flashlight substitute.
If you shoot the particle gun with the ary ung, you create ecru plating which kills you, encasing you in the plating.
If you shoot the paricle gun with the ary ung, you create a nuclear pig which kills you.
a chunk of xenite. It's on the gray pedestal.
The xenite is useless to you.
If you shoot the xenite with the T-removing gun, you get a xenie which is also useless.
an ary ung. It's on the blue pedestal.
Shoot almost anything with this gun to transform it into something else with the same letters in its name, anagrammed.
The new item needs to be understandable English.
The ary ung has infinite charge; use it as often as you like.
You can usually shoot the new item with the ary ung to transform it back to the original item, as long as the original item had a proper English name.
You can gain some achievements by enacting as many anagrammatic transformations as possible.
CAUTION: If you shoot the bathroom mirror with the ary ung, the ary ung becomes a ray gun!
The ray gun shoots a bright red light, harmless to everything.
a pulse gun. It's on the lime pedestal.
To use it, shoot SOMEONE with pulse. It kills the aliens, leaving bodies. It has no effect but sparks on non-creatures.
Note that the flavour text for this gun is written in a cool-satisfaction-in-killing-my-enemies sort of style.
an electric pistol. It's on the red pedestal.
To use it, shoot SOMEONE with electric, but you'll need to shoot someone twice to kill them. The electric pistol has 10 shots.
If you shoot the electric pistol with the ary ung, you get electric pilots who leave.
If you shoot the electric pistol with the T-removing gun, you get an elecric pisol which is useless.
a silenced pistol. It's on the aqua pedestal.
To use it: shoot SOMEONE with silenced. It has 12 rounds. Bodies are left behind. You may shoot yourself, but you may not waste bullets on non-living objects.
If you shoot the silenced pistol with the ary ung, you get licensed pilots who leave.
If you shoot the silenced pistol with the T-removing gun, you get an silenced pisol which is useless.
a photonic disrupter. It's on the fuchsia pedestal.
To use it: shoot SOMEONE with disrupter. The target is vaporized.
You can also set the disrupter to overload then throw it at something. One turn later, it will explode, killing everyone near it, leaving bodies behind. Non-living things are unharmed.
You may not create an explosion after the aliens are all dead.
If you shoot the photonic disrupter with the ary ung, you get an opportunistic herd which kill you.
If you shoot the photonic disrupter with the T-removing gun, you get an phoonic disruper which is useless.
a T-removing gun. It's on the white pedestal.
Shoot almost anything with the letter T in its name with this gun. All T's are removed, transforming the target into something else. The new item doesn't need to be sensible. The gun has an infinite charge; use it as often as you want.
You can gain some achievements by enacting as many T-removals as possible.
These items you can collect from the aliens' bodies after you kill them. Note that none of the aliens' personal weapons can be transformed.
a green jacket. Neton's wearing it.
You can wear it. The pockets are empty.
If you shoot it with the T-removing gun, you get a green jacke, which is useless.
a yellow jacket. Ovan's wearing it.
You can wear it. The pockets are empty.
If you shoot it with the T-removing gun, you get a yellow jacke, which is useless.
a beige jacket. The assistant's wearing it.
You can wear it. The pockets are empty.
If you shoot it with the T-removing gun, you get a beige jacke, which is useless.
two black uniforms. The guards are each wearing one.
You can't wear them; they're too small.
two icepicks. Neton and Ovan are each carrying one.
There's something flickering inside them, but I couldn't tell what. You can't stab or cut anything with them either.
two hand cannons. The guards are each carrying one.
They shoot beams of light that can kill creatures but are harmless to everything else. They don't even do damage to the dead aliens' bodies.
a dagger. The assistant is carrying it.
Although the dagger is described as sharp, you have no reason to cut anything, so you just don't cut anything with the dagger.
Fridge items
After the aliens are dead, you can ransack the fridge in the break room. The women in the cell will appreciate it if you return there with some food to eat.
an upper shelf. It's in the G.E. fridge.
If you take everything from it, you can take it out of the fridge.
a lower shelf. It's in the G.E. fridge.
If you take everything from it and if the upper shelf has been removed, you can remove the lower shelf as well.
an upper drawer. It's in the G.E. fridge.
If you take everything out of it, close it, and if the lower shelf has been removed, you can remove the upper drawer as well.
a lower drawer. It's in the G.E. fridge.
If you take everything out of it, close it, and if the upper drawer has been removed, you can remove the lower drawer as well, exposing a certificate.
Note that if you shoot any drawer in the game with the ary ung, it becomes a reward, ending the game.
a lemon. It's on the upper shelf.
You may shoot the lemon with the ary ung to create a melon and vice-versa.
The melon is edible; the lemon is not (too sour).
a roast beef sandwich (in a wrapper). It's on the upper shelf.
You may shoot this sandwich with the T-removing gun to get a roas beef sandwich.
You may eat either the roast beef or the roas beef sandwich.
If you shoot the roast beef sandwich with the ary ung, it'll become Hebrew DOS fanatics who will leave.
If you shoot the roas beef sandwich with the ary ung, you'll make fresh Bone-Saw acid which kills you.
a large glass of chocolate milk. It's on the upper shelf.
If you shoot the chocolate milk with the T-removing gun, you'll get a small glass of chocolae milk.
You can drink either milk, leaving you with their respective glass. You can't do anything with the large glass or small glass.
If you shoot the chocolate milk with the ary ung, you'll make milk chocolate (in a wrapper); this is reversible.
You can eat the milk chocolate; it's delicious.
If you shoot the milk chocolate with the T-removing gun, you get milk chocolae which is useless.
a tall bottle of Diet Pepsi. It's on the upper shelf.
If you drink the Diet Pepsi, you'll have just the tall bottle.
If you shoot the tall bottle with the ary ung, you'll make a toll battle and you'll immediately die.
If you shoot the tall bottle with the T-removing gun, you'll make Allbole, but since that's a virus, it looks as if the bottle just vanished.
If you shoot the Diet Pepsi with the T-removing gun, you'll make "Die, Pepsi!" and you'll die too.
If you shoot the Diet Pepsi with the ary ung, you'll get tied pipes; this is reversible.
If you shoot the tied pipes with the T-removing gun, you'll make I'ed pipes, meaning you're now a couple pipes yourself.
a taco (in a wrapper). It's on the upper shelf.
You may eat the taco; it's delicious.
If you shoot the taco with the T-removing gun, you get an aco which is useless.
If you shoot the taco with the ary ung, you get a coat! This is reversible.
You can wear the coat.
If you shoot the coat with the T-removing gun, you get a coa which is useless.
an orange bowl of clam chowder. It's on the lower shelf.
You may eat the chowder, leaving you with the orange bowl which is useless.
If you shoot the chowder with the ary ung, you create a calm cowherd which kills you.
a yellow bowl of chicken noodle soup. It's on the lower shelf.
You may eat the chicken noodle soup, leaving you with the yellow bowl which is useless.
If you shoot the chicken noodle soup with the ary ung, you create the Shunned Cook Police who kill you.
a red bowl of minestrone soup. It's on the lower shelf.
You may eat the minestrone soup, leaving you with the red bowl which is useless.
If you shoot the minestrone soup with the ary ung, you create an ominous serpent who kills you.
If you shoot the minestrone soup with the T-removing gun, you get a pink bowl of minesrone soup.
You may eat the minesrone soup, leaving you with the pink bowl which is useless.
If you shoot the minesrone soup with the ary ung, you may supreme onions which kill you.
a steak (in a wrapper). It's in the upper drawer.
You can't eat it; it's not cooked.
If you shoot the steak with the T-removing gun, you make a seak, whatever that is.
If you shoot the seak with the ary gun, you make a round flask of sake!
You may drink the sake, leaving you with the round flask.
If you shoot the round flask with the ary ung, you make flak rounds which kill you.
If you shoot the steak with the ary ung, you create a stake! This is reversible.
If you shoot the stake with the T-removing gun, you make the sake. Yes, there's two ways to make sake from the original steak.
some brats (in a wrapper). It's in the upper drawer.
You can't eat them; they're not cooked.
If you shoot the brats with the T-removing gun, you make bras.
You can't wear the bras, but maybe give them to the women?
If you shoot the bras with the ary ung, you make bars which kill you.
some mutton (in a wrapper). It's in the upper drawer.
You can't eat the mutton; it's not cooked.
If you shoot the mutton with the T-removing gun, you make a muon which disappears.
a torte (in a wrapper). It's in the lower drawer.
You may eat the torte, leaving behind the wrapper which is useless.
If you shoot the torte with the ary ung, it becomes an otter who leaves.
If you shoot the torte with the T-removing gun, if becomes ore!
If you shoot the ore with the ary ung, you create roe who leave.
a green bag of truffles. It's in the lower drawer.
You may eat the truffles, leaving the green bag which is useless.
If you shoot the truffles with the T-removing gun, you create a blue bag of Ruffles!
You may eat the Ruffles, leaving the blue bag which is useless.
a carrot cake (in a wrapper). It's in the lower drawer.
You may eat the carrot cake, leaving the wrapper which is useless.
If you shoot the carrot cake with the T-removing gun, you make carro cake.
You may eat the carro cake, leaving the wrapper which is useless.
If you shoot the carrot cake with the ary ung, you create an oat cracker! This is reversible.
You may eat the oat cracker.
If you shoot the oat cracker with the T-removing gun, you make an oa cracker.
You may eat the oa cracker.
a certificate. Find it by removing everything else from the fridge, including the shelves and drawers.
Read it to unlock an achievement.
If you shoot the certificate with the T-removing gun, you create a cerificae which is useless.
some wrappers. Eat any food item in a wrapper to get the wrapper itself.
You can't do anything interesting with the wrappers.
Freezer items
After the aliens are dead, you can ransack the freezer in the break room.
an ice cream bar. It's in the freezer.
You may eat the bar, leaving a wrapper (which is useless) and a wooden stick.
If you shoot the wooden stick with the T-removing gun, you get a wooden sick which is useless.
If you shoot the ice cream bar with the ary gun, you make a ceramic bear! This is reversible.
some tater tots. They're in the freezer.
You can't eat them; they're not cooked.
If you shoot the tater tots with the T-removing gun, you make a turquoise bag of Aeros. (Any other Aeros in the game will disappear.)
You may eat the Aeros, leaving the turquoise bag which is useless.
Cupboard items
After the aliens are dead, you can ransack the cupboard in the break room.
a can of beets. It's in the Break Room cupboard.
You have no way to open the can. You cannot eat the beets.
If you shoot the beets with the T-removing gun, you make bees which kill you.
a turquoise bag of Aeros. It's in the Break Room cupboard.
You may eat the Aeros, leaving you with the turquoise bag which is useless.
Note: If the tater tots are turned into Aeros; these Aeros disappear from the game.
a tin of maple syrup. It's in the Break Room cupboard.
If you shoot the syrup with the ary ung, you make purple yams! This is reversible.
You can't eat either the syrup or the yams.
a wide bottle of vegetable oil. It's in the Break Room cupboard.
If you shoot the vegetable oil with the ary ung, you make a violet beagle who runs away.
If you shoot the vegetable oil with the T-removing gun, you make vegeable oil.
If you shoot the vegeable oil with the ary ung, you create an olive beagle who runs away.
a narrow bottle of bitters. It's in the Break Room cupboard.
You can't drink the bitters.
If you shoot the bitters with the T-removing gun, you make biers that kill you.
a lavender bag of Special K. It's in the Break Room cupboard.
You may eat the Special K, leaving the lavender bag which is useless.
If you shoot the Special K with the ary ung, you make a silk cape! This is reversible.
You may wear the silk cape, if you like.
a conical flask of table salt. It's in the Break Room cupboard.
If you shoot the table salt with the ary ung, you make a tall beast who kills you.
If you shoot the table salt with the T-removing gun, you create Able Sal who wins the game game instead of you!!
Office items
After the aliens are dead, you can ransack their office.
a keycard. Acquire it by examining the loose papers in Ovan's drawer.
It unlocks the door to the cell.
If you shoot the keycard with the ary ung, it becomes a dry cake! This is reversible.
You can eat the dry cake, but now you'll have no way to unlock the cell door and win the game.
a stapler. It's on Neton's desk.
If you shoot the stapler with the ary ung, it becomes a plaster! This is reversible.
If you shoot the stapler with the T-removing gun, it becomes a sapler.
If you shoot the plaster with the T-removing gun, you get a plaser.
If you shoot the plaser OR the sapler with the ary gun, you get pearls! This is NOT reversible.
Other created items
an apparaus. Create it in the hallway outside the conference room by shooting the appartus with the T-removing gun. This item is useless.
an assisan. Create it by shooting the assistant with the T-removing gun. This item is useless.
a compuer. Create it in the office by shooting a computer with the T-removing gun. This item is useless.
a dispenser buon. Create it in the museum by shooting the dispenser button with the T-removing gun. This item is useless.
a fried egg. Create it in the break room by shooting the G.E. fridge with the ary ung. This is NOT reversible.
You can eat the fried egg.
If you shoot the fried egg with the ary ung, you get Fieggerd who kills you.
a noebooks and folders. Create it in the office by shooting the notebooks and folders (on Ovan's desk) with the T-removing gun. This item is useless.
an oile. Create it in the bathroom (or cell) by shooting the toilet with the T-removing gun.
If you shoot the oile with the ary ung, you make Leo I who leaves.
a slo. Create it in the hallway outside the cell by shooting the slot with the T-removing gun. This item is useless.
This is a very bad idea, since now you can't use the keycard to unlock the cell door.
Score
The SCORE command is only really meaningful within the aliens' game. Before playing their game, the response is:
There is no score in this part of the game.
During the aliens' game, the response to SCORE is:
In several moves, you have scored your-score of a possible 1000 points. This gives you the rank of rank.
Points are awarded as follows:
50 points for solving the Animals maze.
50 points for solving the Mexico maze.
50 points for solving the Sprawling Mega-Maze.
70 points for solving the [N]OUN to A[W]AY maze.
70 points for solving the "Twisty Little Passages" maze.
70 points for solving the east pyramid maze.
70 points for solving the "Escape This Labyrinth" maze.
80 points for solving the Africa maze.
80 points for solving the west pyramid maze.
80 points for solving all thirteen book title mazes.
90 points for solving all thirteen movie title mazes.
90 points for solving the [N]OISE to EGRE[S][S] maze.
150 points for solving the Net-Hac-Man maze.
1 point per dot eaten.
7 points per potion drunk (if Adam Thornton is present), or 6 points per potion drunk (if he is not). The reason for the difference is that, if Adam Thornton is not present, two dots are placed where he would otherwise be. Either way it adds up to 150 points.
Note: You may not be awarded full points for a maze if you asked Sheila for hints. I suspect you get only half the points for a maze you got help with, but I didn't test this.
The rankings are:
human. (0 points)
student. (50 points)
graduate student. (120 to 200 points)
assistant professor. (290 points)
associate professor. (330 points)
professor in good standing. (410 to 460 points)
department director. (530 to 580 points)
dean of faculty. (650 points)
arch-dean of faculty, holdings, and information. (720 points)
college vice-president. (810 points)
college president. (960 points)
college president summa cum laude. (1000 points)
After you've won the aliens' game, the response to SCORE is:
There is no score in this part of the game, although if interested you may feel free to type ACHIEVEMENTS.
Transformations
After you defeat the aliens and before you free the women and escape, there is a very optional but very rich amount of exploration you can do, particularly involving the ary ung and the T-removing gun which have the potential to transform anything including the scenery. I attempt to summarize all this in the table below.
Note there's a bit of awkwardness with food containers in that they can't be targeted in their own right until they're empty. And often, the only way to empty a food container is to eat the food in it. But sometimes, you can't eat the food — I'm looking at you, conical flask of table salt. You can transform the table salt, but never transform the conical flask. (No, you can't pour the salt on the floor; you have no reason to do that.)
Regarding the emojis in the table:
❌ means you can't do that action or that action has no effect.
😃 means you created a new interesting item.
❔ means you created a new item but it's in the "whatever it is" category of things.
☠️ means you created something that immediately killed you.
👋 means you created something that immediately left or disappeared. Wave goodbye to it.
😋 means you just ate (or drank) something tasty.
🤢 means you won't eat (or drink) something because that would make you sick. It's probably okay to taste it, though. Try that instead.
😭 means something really bad happened but in a really funny way.
