In this game, you play as a lowly human slave, suffering beneath the squamous toes of your new lizard overlords. Patrisnake Kssshsss has charged you with getting rid of all trace of mammals in the back rooms of the Don Quixote Memorial Museum.
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 1 of the game.
SPOILERS AHEAD. Reading a walkthrough prematurely can sometimes diminish one's enjoyment of an interactive fiction game. Please make an honest effort to play the game before reading this walkthrough.
You have a two-item carrying limit, so leave the string here for later.
> s.
Museum Steps
> take owner. n.(dog follows you)
Atrium
> put owner in skip.(+1; dog goes in as well)
> w.
Portrait Gallery
> x window. x crowbar. take it.
> x head. take it.(no: nailed)
> pry head with crowbar. take head.
> e.
Atrium
> put head in skip.(+1)
> e.
Back Corridor
> x ceiling. x bat.
> n.
Cloak Room
> x coats.(which?)
> x raincoat. look in it. x gloves.
> take gloves. wear gloves.
> x snakeskin. x ocelot.(faux-fur)
> s. s.
Curator's Office
> x painting. x desk. x rock.
> x chair. x cat.(sleeping)
> listen.(squeaking from behind the painting)
> take painting.(no: attached)
> pry painting with crowbar. look.
> x shrews.
You must have the gloves on to protect your hands from the shrews.
> drop crowbar. take shrews.
> n. w.
Atrium
> put shrews in skip.(+1)
> put gloves in skip.(+1)
> e. s.
Curator's Office
> x fridge. open it.
> x milk. x regular. x grapes. x vegan.
> take milk and regular.
> n. w.
Atrium
> put milk in skip.(+1)
> put regular in skip.(+1)
> e. s.
Curator's Office
> push chair n.
Back Corridor
> take cat. pet cat. drop cat.
> stand on chair. take bat.
> w.
Atrium
> put bat in skip.(no: it will fly out)
> take string.
> e. s.
Curator's Office
> tie string to bat.
> tie string to rock.(You now have an anchored bat.)
> take crowbar.
> n. w.
Atrium
> put bat in skip.(+1)
> e. e.
Main Holding Room
> x whale. x wires.
> x tables. x pots. x dolphin.
> x shelves. x secateurs.
> x crate. pry crate.(with crowbar)
> drop crowbar. x koala.
> take koala.(no: too stuffed)
> take secateurs.
> cut wires.(The bones fall.)
> cut koala.(The straw stuffing is exposed.)
> drop secateurs.
Unhappily, both the bones and dolphin are too bulky to take with anything else.
> take bones.
> w. w.
Atrium
> put bones in skip.(+1)
> e.
Back Corridor
The chair is still here where you left it, even though it's not mentioned for some reason.
> push chair e.
Main Holding Room
> put dolphin on chair.
> take straw. x it. drop it.
> take koala. x echidna. take it.
> push chair w. g.
Atrium
> put koala in skip.(+1)
> put echidna in skip.(+1)
> put dolphin in skip.(+1)
Go to wherever the cat is now, probably in the back corridor.
(cat's location)
> take cat.
Go directly to the atrium with the cat. If the cat jumps out of your hands, take her again.
Atrium
> enter skip.(+1)
> drop cat.(+1)
> blow whistle.
*** You Have Been Incinerated, But At Least You Got The Top Score ***
Extras
Characters
A mourning dog is on the museum steps, upset that its owner was vapourised.
A reticent bat is flying near the celiing of the back corridor.
The resident cat is sleeping on the chair in the curator's office.
A family of shrews is in the brickwork behind the painting in the curator's office.
Patrisnake Kssshsss is your master, the sentient lizard who gave you your mission.
Found dead:
Some vaporised remains of the dog's owner is on the museum steps.
A caribou head is mounted on the wall in the portrait gallery.
Some whale bones are hanging from wires in the main holding room.
An over-stuffed koala is in a crate in the main holding room.
A stuffed echidna is underneath the koala in the crate.
Credits
This is the response to CREDITS:
Thanks for playing Mammal. Special thanks goes to They Might Be Giants and of course the rest of the They Might Be Giants Apollo 18/20 Tribute Team (especially, Ruth, Andrew, Jack and Melvin).
If you've anything to report or suggest, drop Joey an email at email redacted.
Endings
Note that you can only blow the whistle when in the Atrium.
You Will Be Eaten Imminently
if you have 0 points when you blow the whistle.
Your Days Are Numbered
if you have exactly 1 point when you blow the whistle, and you're not in the skip.
Your Future As A Slave Will Be Thankfully Brief
if you have 2 to 4 points when you blow the whistle, and you're not in the skip.
You Might Be Re-employed Before Being Ingested
if you have 5 to 7 points when you blow the whistle, and you're not in the skip.
This Could Be The Start Of A Squamous Relationship
if you have 8 to 12 points when you blow the whistle, and you're not in the skip.
You Didn't Even Get The Last Lousy Point!
if you have 13 points when you blow the whistle, and you're not in the skip.
You Have Been Incinerated
if you have 1 to 13 points when you blow the whistle, and you are in the skip.
You Have Been Incinerated, But At Least You Got The Top Score
if you have 14 points when you blow the whistle, and you are in the skip.
You Are Free
if you persist in going any compass direction other than north from the museum steps.
Inventory
You can only carry up to two items at a time, not counting worn things. If you wear the raincoat, you can carry something else in its pocket.
a lizard whistle. You're carrying it.
In the atrium, after you've put everything with mammalian DNA into the skip, blow the whistle to summon Kssshsss and end the game.
some vaporised remains. They're on the museum steps.
When you take them, the dog follows you.
In the atrium, put the remains into the skip. The dog jumps into the skip and stays there. The dog won't let you take the remains again.
a crowbar. Find it by examining the window in the portrait gallery.
In the portrait gallery, pry the head with the crowbar to get it off the wall.
In the curator's office, pry the painting with the crowbar to get it off the wall, exposing a hole filled with shrews behind it.
In the main holding room, pry the crate with the crowbar to open it. The koala is inside.
a caribou head. It's the lone moose head in the portrait gallery.
Pry the head with the crowbar. Now you can take it.
In the atrium, put the head into the skip.
a blue raincoat. It's one of the three coats in the cloak room.
You can opt to wear the raincoat and keep something in the pocket to increase your carrying capacity, but it's not necessary.
a snakeskin coat. It's one of the three coats in the cloak room.
Ignore the snakeskin coat. You don't need it.
an ocelot coat. It's one of the three coats in the cloak room.
Ignore the ocelot coat. It's not made from actual ocelots, so you don't need it.
a pair of fox-fur gloves. They're in the blue raincoat.
Wear the gloves to protect your hands from the shrews when you take them.
NOTE: You don't need the gloves on when you take the bat.
In the atrium, put the gloves into the skip.
a glass of milk. It's in the mini-fridge in the curator's office.
In the atrium, put the milk into the skip.
CAUTION: If you drink the milk, you won't get any points for it.
NOTE: If the cat is awake and sees you with milk, it follows you to wherever the milk goes, even into the skip. However, the cat won't stay in the skip.
a regular trifle. It's in the mini-fridge in the curator's office.
In the atrium, put the regular trifle into the skip.
CAUTION: If you eat the regular trifle, you won't get any points for it.
a bunch of grapes. It's in the mini-fridge in the curator's office.
Eat or ignores the grapes; they're unimportant.
a vegan trifle. It's in the mini-fridge in the curator's office.
Eat or ignore the vegan trifle; it's unimportant.
a family of shrews. They're in the wall of the curator's office, behind the painting. Pry the painting with the crowbar, then look to see the shrews in the hole.
While wearing the gloves, take the shrews. In the atrium, put the shrews into the skip.
a pair of secateurs. They're on the shelves in the main holding room.
In the main holding room, cut the wires with the secateurs to get the whale bones onto the floor.
Also in the main holding room, after prying open the crate with the crowbar, cut the over-stuffed koala with secateurs so you can pull its straw out.
a whale bones. A whale skeleton hangs from the the ceiling of the main holding room. Cut the wires with the secateurs, and the bones fall to the floor.
In the atrium, put the bones into the skip.
a stuffed dolphin. It's in one of the pots in the main holding room.
It the atrium, put the dolphin into the skip.
an over-stuffed koala. It's inside the crate in the main holding room. Pry open the crate with the crowbar.
The koala is too over-stuffed to take from the crate. Cut the koala with the secateurs, then take the treated straw from inside it. Now you can take the koala.
Just drop it. It was stopping you from taking the koala from the crate; you just need the straw to be anywhere else.
a stuffed echidna. It's in the crate in the main holding room, but underneath the koala. You only find the echidna when you take the koala out of the crate.
In the atrium, put the koala into the skip.
a packet of pork scratchings. It's in the atrium's desk drawer.
In the atrium, put the pork into the skip.
NOTE: You are unwilling to eat pork scratchings. Things aren't that bad.
a piece of string. It's in the atrium's desk drawer.
Tie the string to both the bat and the rock to stop the bat from flying away.
a huge overstuffed chair. It's in the curator's office. You can carry it if you have both hands free. But it's on wheels. It's much easier to just push it.
The cat is sleeping on the chair. Wake her. If necessary, pick her up and put her on the floor,
Carry or push the chair to the back corridor, stand on it, and take the bat.
a rock paperweight. It's on the small desk in the curator's office.
Tie the string to both the bat and the rock to stop the bat from flying away.
a reticent bat. A bat is flying near the ceiling of the back corridor, out of reach.
Carry or push the chair to the back corridor, stand on it, and take the bat.
Tie the string to the bat, then tie the string to the rock. You now have an anchored bat. Now the bat won't fly away when you let go of it.
In the atrium, put the anchored bat into the skip.
the resident cat. It's sleeping on the chair in the curator's office.
Pick up the cat and drop her when you want to use the chair.
The cat sometimes follows you and sometimes just naps wherever she is. You can pick up the cat and carry her, but sometimes she jumps out of your hands. She will lap up some milk if it's available to her.
Because of the cat's unpredictability and because you can't anchor her down, you should leave her until she and you are the last items to go. Take the cat and enter the skip with her, then blow the whistle immediately before she can escape.
Score
The response to SCORE is:
You have so far scored N out of a possible 14, in T turns, earning you the rank of your-rank.
Points are awarded for putting the following items into the skip:
Also, your total score is changed to 15 if you successfully run away from the museum.
The possible ranks are:
human, all too human.(0 to 3 points)
one whossse effortsss are comparable to that of one dozen particularly ineffective monkeysss.(4 to 6 points)
one asss good at finding mammalsss asss a lion isss at fielding conference callsss.(7 to 9 points)
one admired for a high metabolisssm, but not general level of competencccy in executing a tasssk.(10 points)
one who hasss done better than could ever have been imagined. Perhapsss they won't sssend you the way of the allotheria..(11 points)
one who'sss tremulousss four-chambered heart beats with purpose(12 or 13 points)
one that hasss done almost too well (14 points)
one who has done a runner.(15 points)
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