Key & Compass presents:
Lazy Gods of Earth
by Stark Springs

• Maps
  • Map 1: Beach
  • Map 2: Darkness Hub
  • Map 3: Underwater
  • Map 4: Forest
  • Map 5: Mountains
  • Map 6: Floating Island or Stairway
• Walkthrough
  • Prologue: Beachside Catastrophe
  • Darkness and Thirst
  • Loot the Underwater Cave
  • Loot the Castle
  • Meet Conrad, the God of the Floating Island
  • Meet Alea, the Goddess of the Forest
  • Meet Brock, the God on the Mountain Top
  • Meet Hul, the Imprisoned God
  • Epilogue: A Hero's Reward
• Extras
  • Action Movie Quiz, Characters, Endings, Inventory, Score
• Thank You to my Patreon supporters
• Support me on Ko-Fi
• External links:
  • This game at IFDB, IFWiki, and ifwizz.
  • Tweet about this walkthrough on Twitter.

Maps

Map 1: Beach

Map 2: Darkness Hub

Map 3: Underwater

Map 4: Forest

Map 5: Mountains

Map 6: Floating Island or Stairway

Walkthrough

Prologue: Beachside Catastrophe

Private Beach (middle)

> info.

> x me. (You're only in a black swimsuit.)

> i. (You're carrying nothing.)

> x sand. x ocean. x house. swim.

> e.

Beach House

Nothing much to do here, and you can't go into the master bedroom.

> x fridge. x dishwasher. x sink. x table. x chairs.

> se.

Guest Bedroom

Nothing much to do here either.

> x bed. look under bed. x clothes. search clothes.

> x window. x fence. x house.

> nw. sw.

Bathroom

> x book. take it. read it. (Tells a legend of the Gates of Hell.)

> x toilet. x sink. x shower.

> ne. w. s.

Private Beach (south end)

When you enter here, a greenish lump hits your ankle.

> x fence. x lump. take lump. (+1)

> clean lump. (+2. It's a stone rod.)

> x rod. n. n.

Private Beach (north end)

Karen is reading a magazine near a partly-built sand castle.

> x Karen. x castle. (Looks like a padlock.)

> talk. 1. 1. ("Sure")

Feel free to answer the quiz's five questions as you like, but know that your answers will be used to personalize the rest of this game in minor ways.

> 1 —or— 2 —or— 3

> 1 —or— 2 —or— 3

> 1 —or— 2 —or— 3

> 1 —or— 2 —or— 3

> 1 —or— 2 —or— 3 (+1)

She tells you what sort of movie you should see. James enters with shells for the castle.

> 0. (End the conversation with Karen.)

> x James. talk to James. 1. 1.

> put rod in castle.

Everything changes. Two stone pillars grow out of the ground. James and Karen are gone. A void is to the west, and the house bursts into flames.

Edge (north)

> look. x void. x pillars. x castle. x fence.

> s.

Edge (middle)

> x house. (It's burning. You can't approach it.)

> s.

Edge (south)

CAUTION: If you try to climb the fence or go west, you'll die.

> n. n.

Edge (north)

> x rectangle. e. (+5)

Darkness and Thirst

Darkness

> x ball. (You see the scene of you planting the rod replayed.)

> take ball. (It's too heavy. But you can push it.)

Push the ball in the four cardinal directions to make four archways appear:

> push ball north. (An arch appears to the north; a garden scene is in the ball.)

> push ball west. (An arch appears to the west; an underwater scene is in the ball.)

> push ball east. (An arch appears to the east; a mountain range is in the ball.)

> push ball south. (An arch appears to the south; a forest scene is in the ball.)

Start with the mountains:

> e.

Barren Plain (near gate)

> x sun. x cliffs.

If you chose "brawn" in the quiz, there'll be an axe here. Take it.

• > x axe. take it. (+1)

Regardless:

> n.

Barren Plain (north)

If you chose "brains" or "honor" in the quiz, there'll be a root here. Take it.

• > x root. take it. (+1. It's a grappling hook.)
  > x hook.

Regardless:

> e.

Mountain Base

If you're not thirsty yet, you will be soon.

> drink water. (Thirst and hunger satisfied for the rest of the game.)

> x spring. x grass. x path. x boulders.

> w. s. s.

Barren Plain (south locations)

A bit of silliness probably inspired by the signs on the endless road in Infocom's "Enchanter":

> x cloud. ("There")

> s. x cloud. ("is")

> s. x cloud. ("nothing")

> s. x cloud. ("that")

> s. x cloud. ("way")

> s. x cloud. ("The Gods")

> s. x cloud. (Nothing more to read.)

> n. n. n. n. n. n. n. n. n.

Loot the Underwater Cave

Darkness

> w.

Underwater (two locations)

> d. d. (+5. Current pulls you to Cave.)

Cave

> drink water. (Can't; too bitter.)

> x globes. x crates. (which: left, middle, right?)

> x left crate. open it. x buoy.

> x middle crate. open it. x hi-fi. x headphones.

> x right crate. open it. x anchor. x rope.

> take phones. (+1)

> untie rope. (You take it as well.)

If you have the hook:

• > tie rope to hook.

Make sure to leave the buoy behind. If you have the buoy, you can't dive into the pool.

> d. u. u.

Loot the Castle

Darkness

> e. e.

Castle Gates

> x gate. open gate. (Nope.)

How you get past the gates depends on how you answered the second question in the quiz.

If you answered "brains":

• > throw hook at wall. climb rope. (+5)

If you answered "brawn":

• > hit gate with axe. e. (+5)

If you answered "honor":

• > knock on gate. e. (+5)

Courtyard

By the way, the gate can't be unlocked from this side either.

> e.

Long Hall (west end)

> x table. x benches. x weapons. x mugs. x cobwebs.

> take mug. i. x dusty mug.

> e.

Long Hall (east end)

> x throne. sit on throne. (+2. You now hold a sword.)

> x golden sword. stand.

If you had the axe, you automatically dropped it when you obtained the sword. Leave the axe behind; you don't need it anymore.

> w. w.

Courtyard

If you chose "brains":

• > climb rope.

Otherwise:

• > w.

Castle Gates

If you chose "brains":

• > shake rope. (You get the rope-and-hook back.)

Regardless:

> w. n. e.

Mountain Base

> fill mug. (The mug fills but also cleans and repairs itself.)

> w. n.

Meet Conrad, the God of the Floating Island

Darkness

> n.

Floating Island (south end)

> x city. x trees. x bushes. x flowers. x stair.

> n.

Floating Island (north end)

You can just lawnmow your conversation with Conrad.

> x man. talk. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 0.

> x lone tree.

> s.

Floating Island (south)

> pour water on flowers. (+10)

> x flowers. take flower. (You have a red rose.)

> x rose.

> s.

Meet Alea, the Goddess of the Forest

Darkness

> s. s.

Forest Trail (at deer)

> x deer.

Something big is approaching fast from the west. Get to safety fast!

> e. e.

Clearing

> climb tree. z. (+1)

The boar stops at your tree and lies down.

> x boar. (It changes into a woman and addresses you.)

You can lawnmow your conversation with Alea:

> 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1.

> d.

CAUTION: Don't kiss Alea until after you give the rose to her.

> x Alea. x pool.

> give rose to Alea. kiss Alea.

She asks if you'll show her what mankind has learned about love and beauty. Answer affirmatively.

> 1 ("Gladly.") —or— 2 ("I will")

She says you must talk to Brock in the mountains, and drops a pile of feathers. She also says to get help from Hul and to ask Conrad where to find Hul. Then she vanishes in a puff of smoke.

> x feathers. (It's a feather cloak.)

> take cloak.

> w. w. w. w.

Meet Brock, the God on the Mountain Top

Darkness

> e.

Barren Plain

> n. e. u. u.

Below Outcrop

You first notice the cold here.

> wear cloak.

If you chose "brains" or "honor":

• > throw hook at outcrop. u. (+5)

Otherwise, if you chose "brawn":

• > jump. (+5)

Stone Ledge (south end)

It's not obvious immediately that you need to wear the headphones here, but if you continue this path without them, music will start to drain you of your ability to stay awake.

> wear phones.

> n. u.

Mountain Top

You can just lawnmow your conversation with Brock.

> remove phones.

> x man. talk. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 0.

> x seashell.

Make sure you're wearing the headphones whenever you play the seashell, or you'll pass out and drop it.

> wear phones. play shell. remove phones.

> d. s. d.

Below Outcrop

If you used the rope to climb up here, shaking the rope gets it back again.

• > shake rope.

> d. d. w. n.

Meet Hul, the Imprisoned God

Darkness

> n. n.

Floating Island (north end)

Ask Conrad to help you find Hul:

> talk. 1.

Reality shreds and you are now at...

Stairway

The arch here goes back to Darkness, and the north arch from Darkness now leads here. You can never return to the Floating Island or Conrad; this stairway has replaced it.

> x stairs. x void.

> u.

Landing

You'll be facing a spider, snake, or rat here, depending on how you answered the fourth question in Karen's quiz.

> x CREATURE.

CAUTION: If you attack this creature without a weapon, you will die. If you chose "brawn" in the quiz, you may succeed at killing it with the sword, but otherwise, you'll die even if you use the sword. But using the seashell always works.

> wear phones. play shell. (The creature sleeps.)

> remove phones.

After putting the creature to sleep, just walk past it. If you chose "brains" or "brawn", you may opt to kill the sleeping creature with your sword now, if you really want to, but if you chose "honor", you'll refuse to kill it while it sleeps.

> n. (+5)

Cell

You can lawnmow the conversation with Hul.

> x man. talk. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1. 1.

> break chain with sword. (+1. "Good. You still need Brock's help.")

> 1. ("I already talked to Brock...")

+5. Hul acts, and you're back to when and where this all began...

Epilogue: A Hero's Reward

Private Beach (north end)

A huge ocean wave destroys the sand castle and the rod is gone.

If you picked the heroic death for question five in the quiz, the wave pulls you into the ocean and you drown.

*** You have won ***

Otherwise, the next morning...

Guest Bedroom (on the four-poster bed)

> x me. (Naked except for shorts.)

> i. (Nothing.)

If you picked money for question five in the quiz, there's a wooden box here.

• > x box. open it. (It's full of jewels.)

*** You have won ***

If there's no box or if you prefer to ignore it, leave the room.

> stand. n.

James and Karen are having coffee with Alea, who's now your girlfriend.

*** You have won ***

Extras

Action Movie Quiz

For what it's worth, I went to the trouble of answering the quiz every possible way to see which movies are suggested. I was amused imagining someone at the gossip magazine typesetting this huge table, just so Karen and thousands like her could search through it later.

There are 15 possible movie suggestions that the quiz might make:

• AL = The "Alien" movies.
• AR = "Armageddon".
• BL = "Blade".
• BR = "Braveheart".
• CO = The "Conan" movies.
• DH = The "Die Hard" movies.
• GL = "Gladiator".
• HI = "Highlander".
• IJ = The "Indiana Jones" movies.
• LW = The "Lethal Weapon" movies.
• MA = "The Matrix".
• MU = The "Mummy" movies.
• SW = The "Star Wars" movies.
• TE = The "Terminator" movies.
• TO = "Total Recall".

Characters

• James is an old friend of yours and he has a West Coast beach house.
• Karen is James's girlfriend. It's her blood that gets on the stone rod.
• Conrad is a god of war. His former names include Ares, Mars, and Thor. But he also claims to be more powerful than a god and that he's a builder now. You find him sleeping on a floating island.
• Alea is a goddess of love and beauty. Her former names include Aphrodite, Venus, Freya, Durga, and Ama-No-Uzume. You find her, in the shape of a boar, hunting in a forest.
• Brock is a god of the oceans. His former names include Njørd and Neptune. You find him playing a seashell like a flute.
• Hul is a god of time. He's imprisoned because of a long-forgotten disagreement. One of his former names is Cronus.

Also:

• James's neighbors would not like it if you climbed over their fence.
• Alea explains that the gods are actually a team of aliens who managed a project to teach mankind about many things, but they got bored when it all took too long and most of them left.
• When you sit on the throne, you have a vision of warriors cheering.
• There's a dead deer on the forest path.
• Something with red eyes stares at you if you climb the southern fence after planting the stone rod.

Endings

• You have died
• if you enter the void where the ocean used to be.
• if you climb over the southern beach fence after the world is destroyed.
• if you attack Alea.
• if you kiss Alea before giving her the rose.
• if you attack the spider, snake, or rat without using a weapon.
• if you attack the spider, snake, or rat with the sword while it is awake and you didn't choose "brawn" in the quiz.
• if you die of thirst without ever drinking the water from the mountain stream. (I'm unsure when the thirst daemon starts exactly. Maybe it's when you plant the rod or maybe it's when you first visit Darkness.)
• You have drowned
• if you're underwater for three turns in a row.
• You have been eaten
• if the wild boar catches you in the forest.
• You have frozen to death
• if you spend too many turns on the upper half of the mountain in just your swimsuit.
• You have won
• if you convince Hul and Brock to restore the Earth and everyone on it. Your reward will be one of Alea as your new girlfriend, a box of jewels, or death by drowning, depending on how you answered question five in the action movie quiz.

Note that if you answer "no" to Alea's request about showing her what mankind has learned about love and beauty, she'll accept your answer then vanish without leaving the feather cloak. But you can't finish the game without it!

Inventory

• a book. It's in the bathroom.
• Read it. It tells you a legend about opening the Gates of Hell by sticking a dark stone spectre into the ground near two stone pillars.
• a green lump. You find it when you first enter the south end of the Private Beach.
• Clean it to discover it's a stone rod.
• a stone rod. Acquire it by cleaning the green lump.
• After talking to Karen and James at the north end of the Private Beach, put the rod into the sand castle.
• a battle axe. It may be on the barren plain where you first enter it from the darkness portal.
• The axe is in the game only if you chose "brawn" in the quiz.
• You can break the castle gate with the axe, gaining access that way.
• Note that you can't carry both the axe and the sword at the same time.
• a grappling hook. It may be at the north end of the barren plain. It looks like a "root".
• The hook is not in the game if you chose "brawn" in the quiz.
• First, tie the rope to the hook. It's now a rope and hook.
• At the castle gates, if you chose "brains" in the quiz, throw the hook at the wall. You can now climb the rope over the wall and reach the courtyard and back again. Shake the rope to get it back.
• Note that if you chose "honor" in the quiz, the hook will not catch at the top of the wall. You need to knock on the gate instead.
• When below the outcrop, throw the hook at the outcrop. You can now continue upwards.
• a life buoy. It's in the left crate in the underwater cave.
• Leave it. If you're wearing the buoy, you can't dive into the pool and leave the cave.
• a pair of headphones. It's in the middle crate in the underwater cave.
• It's okay to take the headphones through the water; they don't get damaged.
• Wear the headphones at the south end of the stone ledge so you can continue up the mountain and reach Brock without hearing his music.
• Wear the headphones whenever you play the seashell so its music doesn't affect you.
• a coil of rope. It's in the right crate in the underwater cave.
• Untie the rope from the anchor. Tie the rope to the grappling hook.
• a dusty mug. It's on the table at the west end of the castle's long hall.
• At the mountain base, fill the mug. The mug is filled, cleaned, and repaired: a mug full of water.
• At the south end of the floating island, pour the water on the flowers. The flowers heal, grow, and bloom. You can now take a rose. The mug is now a clean empty mug.
• CAUTION: The mug's status gets confused if you fill the mug first then drink water while at the mountain base. In this case, when you try to pour water on the flowers, you seem to just pour water onto the ground. But if you refill your mug from the stream and try again, the flowers will bloom.
• a golden sword. Acquire it by sitting on the throne at the east end of the castle's long hall.
• If you were carrying the axe when you obtain the sword, you automatically drop the axe. You cannot carry both weapons at the same time. Keep the sword; it's much better.
• On the landing at the top of the stairway, a creature blocks your way. First put it to sleep (play seashell), then walk north past it. It is not necessary to kill it with the sword, and that option isn't even possible if you chose "honor" in the quiz.
• In Hul's cell, break the chain with the sword to free Hul.
• a red rose. Find it at the south end of the floating island by pouring water from the mountain base on the flowers there; see mug.
• In the clearing, give the rose to Alea. You may now safely kiss her and continue your conversation with her.
• a feather cloak. Alea drops it in the clearing when you agree to teach her what mankind has learned about love and beauty.
• Note: You won't reach that part of the conversation until after you've given the rose to her and kissed her, in that order.
• Wear the cloak to survive the cold when ascending the mountain.
• a seashell. On the mountain top, ask Brock for the shell and he'll give it to you.
• On the landing at the top of the stairway, wear the headphones then play the seashell to make the creature (spider, snake, or rat) sleep.
• a wooden box. It's in the guest bedroom after you've saved the world, but only if you answered "money" for the fifth question in the quiz.
• Open it to find jewels from Brock.

Honorable mention:

• your black swimsuit. You're wearing it during most of the game.
• your shorts. You're wearing them in the epilogue.

Score

The response to SCORE is:

You have so far scored your-score out of a possible 50, in several turns.

Points are awarded as follows:

• 1 point for taking the green lump.
• 2 points for cleaning the green lump.
• 1 point for completing the action movie quiz.
• 5 points for entering the portal from the destroyed Earth.
• 1 point for obtaining the grappling hook or axe.
• 5 points for reaching the underwater cave.
• 1 point for acquiring a pair of headphones.
• 5 points for climbing over the castle gates.
• 2 points for acquiring a golden sword.
• 10 points for making dying flowers bloom.
• 1 point for escaping the wild boar.
• 5 points for climbing up onto the outcrop.
• 5 points for entering Hul's cell.
• 1 points for breaking Hul's chain.
• 5 points for restoring the world.

Thank You to my Patreon supporters

This walkthrough was funded via Patreon with

• the support of Robin Johnson, Ville Lavonius, Andrew Schultz, Kenneth Hon, Carl Muckenhoupt, Mark Musante, Phil Tatro, Mitch, Astringer, and Vivienne Dunstan;
• the generous support of Janice M Eisen and Matthew Foxley;
• the very generous support of Karl Ove Hufthammer;
• the extremely generous support of Emily Short, Allen Garvin, Jesse McGrew, Jacqueline Ashwell, Marius Müller, Jennifer Rexrode, and Durafen;
• and the invisible support of several anonymous patrons.

Ko-Fi is a way to send me small one-time donations. Every little bit helps, and thank you!