In The House of Professor Evil: The HAM HOUSE is a Z-machine interactive fiction game written with Inform 7 and is © 2006-2008 by S. John Ross.
In this small silly game, you play as someone who wants to escape the house of Professor Evil, who now lies dead on the floor. He planned to make a ham rule the universe, but forget about him. You crave ham. How long has it been since you ate a really good ham?
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 10 of the game.
CAUTION: You're on a timer. If you don't win the game in 45 turns or less, you will lose.
Because of the limited time, this walkthrough will be a bit more brief than I would prefer. I'll let you know what I'm skipping over.
> x me. i. x stick. x roll. x cloak. x Evil.
> x toe. eat toe.
> u. s.
Front Yard (In The Rain)
CAUTION: You will die if you go south into traffic.
Also, the descriptions of the rain and mailbox aren't interesting, so I'm skipping that. Also, you can read the leaflet without taking it.
> x cars. open mailbox. read leaflet.
> n. n.
You can't open the fridge at this time. Also, you'll die if you eat the poison cake. Don't eat the cake.
> x fridge. x panel. x cake. x mitt.
> wear mitt.
> s. w.
I'm ignoring the bedroom and bathroom. The bed has blankets. You cannot take the blankets. Nothing is under the bed.
The bathroom to the south has a toilet, a sink, and a bottle of very deadly poison, none of which you need to do anything with.
You must be wearing the oven mitt to be able to take the transponder safely.
> x cage. x transponder. take it.
There's nothing here but the smell of emu.
Head back to the fridge:
> s. d. e. n.
If you have the transponder, you can open the fridge.
> open fridge.
> x ham. smell ham. touch ham. kiss ham. taste ham.
> eat ham. (+100)
*** DUDE. HAM. ***
This is really a solo adventure, but for completeness's sake:
The game also mentions a lot of people via its frequent atmospheric messages:
The response to ABOUT or CREDITS is:
The premise of this very short adventure is that you're in a house ruled by an (evil?) psychic ham. If the ham wins, so do you.
Type Version for the technical details. I created the game with Inform 7 (it's my very first total-newbie micro-speed IF, created within the first few days of downloading Inform and poking into the documentation), with extra thanks to my wife, Sandra Ross, for testing assistance and encouragement, and to ab0di and Emily Short for so patiently answering some of my desperate pleas for assistance and/or attention. I can be reached for comment at
email redactedand you can see more of my work (most of it for pen-and-paper RPGs) by Googling up my name. I'm a whore; I'm all over the place. An IF newbie is born! We'll see where I go from here ... (Uresia, of course!)
The response to SCORE is:
You have so far scored your-score out of a possible 100, in 15 turns, earning you the rank of ranking.
Points are awarded as follows:
The possible rankings are:
This walkthrough is provided free of charge since the work it's based on has less than fifteen locations. Please consider it a thank you for your support!
I create larger walkthroughs too! Please visit my Patreon account if you're interested in helping me create more interactive fiction walkthroughs. I appreciate all the help I can get! Thanks again.
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