The Excellent and Most Lametable Text Adventure of

Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

solution

NOTE: The game doesn't know the abbreviations "L" for "LOOK" or "X" for "EXAMINE". Nor does it know the words "IT" or "UNDO". Commands must be entered one line at a time. Also, there's an inventory limit, for no apparent good reason.

Although you'll be killing several of the characters in this game, you cannot kill everyone, and sometimes it's fatal to try. You can get away with taking a swing at Nell, for instance, but you won't survive combat against Othello or Banquo. Pick your targets carefully.

The game uses "SAVE cookiename" and "LOAD cookiename" to handle SAVE and RESTORE. You can't use more than four cookies, however. The "DIR" command lists the cookies. The restart command is "RESTART GAME".

(Optional commands are enclosed in brackets.)

PALACE (BEDROOM)

>(examine me. i. examine bed. make bed. examine portrait. move portrait.)

>n.

PALACE (CORRIDOR)

>(examine horatio. talk to horatio.)

>n.

PALACE (BALCONY)

>(examine ghost.) talk to ghost. [+3%]

>(examine bats.) take bats. [+3%]

>(examine bat.) s. e.

PALACE (CORRIDOR END)

>(examine door.) s.

PALACE (OPHELIA'S ROOM)

CAUTION: Jumping out the window is fatal.

>(examine Ophelia. talk to Ophelia. kiss Ophelia.)

>(examine postcard. examine portrait.)

>(examine door. examine window. examine lake.)

>(ask Ophelia about me/ghost/Polonius/Laertes/postcard/window/lake.)

>examine scissors. take scissors. n. w. w.

PALACE (TOP OF STAIRS)

>(examine staircase.) d.

PALACE (LANDING)

>e.

PALACE (QUEEN'S BEDCHAMBER)

It should be noted that Gertrude will sometimes claim to be thirsty when you ask her about topics she's not interested in.

>(examine queen. talk to queen.)

>(examine curtain. move curtain. hit curtain.)

>(ask queen about king/ghost/drink/flute/curtain.)

>examine flute. take flute. (play flute.) w. d.

PALACE (BOTTOM OF STAIRS)

>e.

PALACE (THRONE ROOM)

Note that Gertrude prevents you from killing Claudius.

>(examine king. talk to king. examine throne. sit. examine chandeliers.)

>(ask king about king/queen/ghost/ophelia.)

>kill king. s.

PALACE (KITCHEN)

>(examine oven. examine cupboard. examine door.)

>open cupboard. [+4%] take salt. take pepper.

>(examine salt. examine pepper. smell pepper.)

>d.

DUNGEON (ENTRANCE)

>examine certificate. take certificate. s.

DUNGEON (GUARDROOM)

>(examine othello. examine calendar. s.)

>talk to othello. n. u. n. n.

PALACE (LOBBY)

Inventory is going to begin to get a bit tight, so we're gonna drop the certificate after it's used.

>(examine Rosencrantz. examine Guildenstern. examine door.)

>out. (ask Rosencrantz about king/ghost/guildenstern.)

>(ask Guildenstern about rosencrantz.)

>show certificate to Rosencrantz. [+3%] drop certificate. out.

GARDENS (PALACE GATES)

>(examine gates.) n.

ELSINORE (ROUNDABOUT)

>e.

ELSINORE (OUTSIDE THEATRE)

>in.

THEATRE

>examine form. take form. examine machine. push button. [+3%]

>examine ticket. take ticket. (examine stains.) out. w. w.

ELSINORE (OUTSIDE BLACKSMITH'S HUT)

>in.

BLACKSMITH'S HUT

>examine machine. grind scissors. [+3%]

>(examine scissors.) out. w.

ELSINORE (MAIN ROAD WEST)

>s.

GRAVEYARD

>(examine graves. examine skull.) examine gravedigger.

>(examine shovel.) talk to digger.

>(ask digger about dress/shovel/theatre.)

>give form to digger. [+4%] take shovel. take skull. n. n.

ELSINORE (HARBOUR)

>(examine ship. examine sea. swim.) in.

SAILING SHIP

The ticket is good indefinitely. Just hold onto it.

>(examine sailor. talk to sailor.)

>show ticket to sailor. [+3%] out.

ENGLAND (SOUTHHAMPTON DOCK)

>(examine cliffs.) n.

ENGLAND (BOSWORTH FIELD)

>examine Richard. talk to Richard. n.

ENGLAND (MOORLAND)

>(examine witch. talk to witch.)

>read book. (ask witch about book.)

>give bat to witch. [+3%] give salt to witch. [+3%]

>give skull to witch. [+3%] n.

OUTSIDE TOWER

>(examine tower. examine Banquo. talk to Banquo.) in.

>s. s. s. in. show ticket to sailor. out. e.

ELSINORE (BEACH)

Of course, you must have the shovel to dig with.

>dig. [+4%] (examine chest.) open chest. [+3%]

>examine coins. take coins. s. e. s. e.

GARDENS (VEGETABLE PATCH)

Don't eat the carrot until you're done with the horse.

>(examine lake.) dig. [+3%] drop shovel.

>(examine carrot.) take carrot. w. n. e. e.

ELSINORE (OUTSIDE STABLE)

>in. [+3% with carrot]

STABLE

If you have the carrot, the horse will follow you everywhere—including up stairs and down ladders! If you drop the carrot, the horse will stop following you, but happily refrains from eating the carrot.

>(examine horse. talk to horse.)

>out. w. w. w. w. n. in. show ticket to sailor.

>out. n. [+4% with horse]

ENGLAND (BOSWORTH FIELD)

Wear the crown to gain entrance to the tower.

>eat carrot. (or just drop it)

>examine crown. take crown. wear crown. n. n. in. [+3%]

TOWER

You should talk to Macbeth on other topics to see the clue about theatre folk hating him. Unfortunately, the hint is somewhat weak, and requires that you know a bit of theatre trivia, namely that many actors have a superstition against ever saying the name "Macbeth" in a theatre because it's "bad luck".

>(examine Macbeth. talk to Macbeth.)

>(take dagger.) examine dagger.

>(examine thread.) cut thread. [+3% with sharpened scissors]

>drop scissors. take dagger.

>(ask Macbeth about witch/dagger/theatre.)

>out. s. s. s. in. show ticket to sailor. out. w.

ELSINORE (WATERFRONT)

>in.

INN

You can't enter the private room until you've bought a drink. You'll need the coins from the treasure chest. But don't drink the whiskey yourself; hold onto it for now.

>(examine nell. talk to nell.) buy drink. [+3%]

>s.

INN (BACK ROOM)

>examine Desdemona. examine hanky. (examine couch.)

>talk to Desdemona. (ask Dessie about othello/hanky.)

>(kiss Desdemona. sneeze.) smell pepper. [+4%]

>drop pepper. n. (ask Nell about Dessie.)

>out. e. s. e. e. s. in. s. s. d. s.

DUNGEON (GUARDROOM)

>(ask Othello about hanky.)

>give hanky to Othello. [+3%] s.

DUNGEON (CELL)

Oddly, despite the fact that you can enter and leave the cell freely, the monk doesn't.

>(examine monk. talk to monk. ask monk about romeo/juliet/lawrence/telegram.)

>examine telegram. take telegram.

>n. n. u. n. n. out. n. e. in.

THEATRE

This action was hinted at in the tower by Macbeth himself, but it's still a bit of read-author's-mind here.

>say macbeth. [+3%]

>(examine rope.) take rope.

>out. w. w. w. n. in. show ticket to sailor.

>out. n. n. n. in.

TOWER

>drop rope. play flute. [+3%] drop flute.

>(examine rope.) u.

TOWER (FIRST FLOOR)

>examine porter. give flask to porter. [+3%] u.

TOWER (ATTIC)

>(examine Juliet. talk to juliet. ask Juliet about hairspray.)

>give telegram to Juliet. [+4%]

>examine hairspray. take hairspray. d. d. out. s.

ENGLAND (MOORSLAND)

Needless to say, don't drink the chalice.

>give hairspray to witch. [+3%]

>examine chalice. (ask witch about chalice.)

>s. s. in. show ticket to sailor. out. s. e. e. s. in.

>s. w. u. e.

PALACE (QUEEN'S BEDCHAMBER)

>stab curtain. [+4%] (ask queen about Polonius.)

>give chalice to queen. [+3%]

>(examine Polonius. examine curtains.) take body. w. u. e. e. s.

PALACE (OPHELIA'S ROOM)

Note that one turn after Ophelia's suicide, you'll hear a voice announcing her funeral at the cemetery.

>drop body. [+5%] (or show body to Ophelia)

>n. w. w. d. d. e.

PALACE (THRONE ROOM)

>kill king. [+3%] (sit.) n. out. n. w. w. s.

GRAVEYARD

Note that you will lose your duel with Laertes if you haven't killed King Claudius first.

>(examine Laertes. talk to Laertes. ask Laertes about Ophelia/Polonius/king.)

>kill Laertes. [+1% and win!]