It begins with the hapless space station janitor, Xonathan Xask, responding to an emergency, but for most of this game, you're playing as Paul, a man with a flashback story to tell. You and your husband Alex's conflicts with the Queen of Hurts and Maladies got out of hand, with you trapped at the perfect New Year's Eve party and Alex becoming a power-mad galactic tyrant. But with the help of the Time Rangers and a golf cart, you're going to change all that.
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 1 of the game.
You're interrupted by the arrival of man with a plasma gatling, who claims you'll doom humanity if you save the doctors.
And now for a long flashback:
hallway
You're now playing as Paul.
> x me. look.
> x string. take string.
> in.
Potter room
> x tools. x beard. take it.
> out. e.
Living Room
> x mints. take mints.
> x people. talk to people.(Don't see Alex or Dana here.)
> s.
Kitchen
> x food. x counter. x laptop. x player.
> take player. turn on player.(Can't hear the "Cat" file.)
> turn off player.
> s.
Garden Area
> x people. x pool. x rocks. x wall.
> take rocks.
> n. n. w. e.
Living Room
On entering the Living Room for the third time, you meet the green-eyed alien, who says they're on the run from the Time Rangers. He hands you a blue container, calling it the last destronium in existence. He names himself Zaxnor the Galaxy Destroyer and leaves.
> i. x vial.
> w.
hallway
This action is severely underclued. It's really hard to tell there's a front door here. The room description doesn't mention it, nor the exits listed in the status line! And there's no obvious reason to open this door either.
> x front door. open it.(You pick up a letter.)
> read letter.("Darna" is a typo. Her name is Dana.)
> in.
Potter room
The package isn't here until you've read the letter.
> x package. x gatling.(Has SHOOT and GRENADE options.)
> take gatling. out. e.
Living Room
> shoot people. s. s.
Garden Area
> shoot people. look.
> x corgi. shoot corgi.
> shoot wall. s.
Golf course
Shooting the creature results in an instant UNDO of your action. Also, you'll only be allow to talk to the creature if you've shot up both groups of people and the garden wall first AND if you've gathered up everything you'll need for a future puzzle.
> x creature. talk to creature.
You learn you were in a sim of your home but really on Blubbertaria III. The alien turns you over to the Time Rangers. You're now at:
THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT ENTRANCE HALL
> se. se.
THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 2
> take printout. read it.(Recipe for unbreakable chain.)
> se. se. se.
THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 5
> x oil. take it.
> x statue.(Made from last indestructium.)
> throw vial at statue.(Cracks appear, but it doesn't fall apart.)
> s.
Junction
Caution: Do not go too far south from here, unless you want to be eaten by the Jennosaurus.
> x cart. x box. open it.(locked)
> take box. drop box.
You need to drive over the box to crack it open.
> get in cart. n. s. out.
> x forge. read printout.
> turn on player. put player in forge.
> put beard in forge. put rocks in forge.
> put string in forge. put mint in forge.
> put oil in forge. turn on forge.
> look. x Gleipnir. take it.
> enter cart. n.
THE MUSEUM BEYOND TIME - WING A - SPECIAL EXHIBIT HALL 5
> out.
> tie Gleipnir to statue. tie it to cart.
> enter cart. s. n. out.
> x small.("Dr. Juliana F. Ross. MERCURY STATION MEDICAL RESEARCH")
> take tag.
The Time Rangers arrive: Samantha and Jack. They convince you to give up your wedding ring so they can extract Alex from earlier in time. Jack gives you a scanner. They leave.
> i. x scanner. scan tag.(A grey portal to 2578 opens.)
> look. x portal. enter portal.
Space Station
The flashback is over. You're back with Xonathan. Two Alexes then arrive via portals. Left Alex is in caveman drag; Right Alex is dressed nicely.
> x left Alex. x right Alex.
Er, actually, Left is nicely dressed, and Right has the caveman look. If the game can't be consistent on which is which, how are you supposed to figure this out?
> talk to left Alex. talk to right Alex.
> grenade left —or— grenade right.
They manage to kill Xask before you kill both versions of Alex. Dr. Ross is taken to the med bay, and will eventually become the Queen.
And now for an Ominous Epilogue:
dusty cave
You're now playing as Dr. Elbe, looking for the urn mentioned by the museum exhibits.
> x me. i. x shovel. dig.
> x urn. take urn.
A wolf howl startles you. You drop the urn. Smoke from the urn is inhaled by a gigantic wolf who then introduces himself as Wally.
*** Happy New Year 2017! ***
Extras
Characters
Xonathan Xask is the initial protagonist in this game. He's a hapless space janitor 3rd class on Space Station Ollster III in the year 2578 and he'll die ignobly.
Dr. von Behring, Dr. Ross, and Dr. Finsen are dying in Lab 1.
Dr. Juliana F. Ross is destined to become the Queen of Hurts and Maladies. The Queen is a major villian in this series. Also, the special exhibit in the Museum Beyond Time shows how the Queen was defeated by Alex after a furious space battle between their forces, leading Alex to become a galactic tyrant in his own right.
Paul is the main protagonist in this game. He's gay and married to Alex, but Paul is significantly less bloodthirsty than Alex. Paul has great hair, wears leather pants, and loves hosting the perfect New Year's Eve party. He's gone without a last name for ten games and he isn't getting one now.
Several people are guests at Paul's annual New Year's party. They are implemented in the living room and garden area, but they're not actually real.
An alien, who calls himself Zaxnor the Galaxy Destroyer, gives you a vial of the last sample of destronium.
A cute corgi survives the initial massacre in the Garden Area.
Another alien, a Blubbertarian, talks to you in the golf course after you've rejected the simulation of your home.
A mechanical bird is briefly seen in the museum, losing a drop of oil from its beak.
The Jennosaurus is an escaped dinosaur in the museum. Her favourite ending to the game is the one where she gets to eat Paul.
Two Time Rangers, Samantha and Jack, are a wife and husband pair.
Alex is Paul's husband and is usually described as a "lovable sociopath". Alex is normally the protagonist in this series, but in this installment, he's become a galactic tyrant, hated and feared.
Left Alex and Right Alex are two different versions of Alex who appear in the Space Station via time portals from other parts of history. It's not immediately clear which Alex can be trusted and which you must shoot (as per the game's title).
Dr. Dana Elbe is protagonist in the ominous epilogue. She's transgender, a famous temperologist, and one of Paul's favourite people. She was first introduced in The Day of the Queen. Her gender is not explicitly mentioned in this game, and the letter inexplicably refers to her as Darna, which I assume is just a typo.
Fenris is a giant wolf from Norse mythology, restrained by the unbreakable chain, Gleipnir. It's a shame Gleipnir breaks in this episode.
Wally is Paul's uncle, who (in previous episodes) was killed, came back as a ghost, and then trapped inside a magical urn.
Mentioned:
Jeffrey is a friend of Paul's and took care of the playlist for the party.
Randall from Paul's Clinical Psych class came dressed as Muagbe to the party. It's like we're being setup for a The Day I mistreated Muagbe game.
Paul's sister is mentioned as sometimes playing Paul's beard in the description of the beard.
Alex's therapist is mentioned in Paul's discussion with the Blubbertarian.
Director Lambbost of the Temporal Institute is Dana Elbe's boss.
Endings
YOU DIED IN PAIN YOU MONSTER if you, as Paul, eat the mint.
This is the best ending if you play from to Jennosaurus" persepctive. if you go down the south corridor in the museum.
And it was a 50/50 chance! if you shoot either Left Alex or Right Alex.
Happy New Year 2017! when you take the urn in the dusty cave.
Inventory
Xonathan Xask's inventory:
a space broom. You're carrying it. You can't really do anything with it.
Paul's inventory:
a string. It in your hallway. Put the string in the forge; it counts as "the sinews of a bear".
a women's novelty beard. It's in your Potter room. You can't wear it. Put the beard in the forge; it counts as "the beard of a woman".
a roll of mints. It's in your living room. Put the mints in the forge; it counts as "the breath of a fish".
CAUTION: Eating the mints ends the game!
a mp3-player. It's in your kitchen. Turn it on and put the player in the forge; this counts as "the sound of a cat's footfall".
some rocks. It's in your garden area. Put the rocks in the forge; they count as "the roots of a mountain".
a vial. Zaxnor gives it to you. It's destronium; it comes with several warnings. Throw the vial at the statue of Alex in Special Exhibit Hall 5; the statue is now cracked.
a letter. Find it by opening the front door in your hallway. Read the letter.
a plasma gatling. After reading the letter, the gatling is inside a brown package that is now in the Potter Room.
The gatling can be used in two ways, to SHOOT something or GRENADE something. The grenade option can only be used once and is only sensible to use against multiple targets at once.
Shoot the people in the Living Room.
Shoot the people in the Garden Area.
Shoot the (south) wall in the Garden Area.
After shooting all three targets above, talk to the creature in the golf course.
Shooting the statue of Alex in Hall 5 won't work.
Grenade either Left Alex or Right Alex in the Space Station.
a wikipedia printout. It's at Special Exhibit Hall 2. Read it; it's the recipe for forging Gleipnir.
a drop of oil. It's at Special Exhibit Hall 5. You can take it just like any other item. Put the oil in the forge; it counts as "the spittle of a bird".
a flat box. It's inside the golf cart, which is at the junction in the museum. Drop the flat box somewhere, then drive the golf cart over it to crack the box open, leaving a forge in its place.
Gleipnir. You must create this unbreakable chain using a forge and the recipe on the wikipedia printout.
The forge is inside the flat box (which see).
Put the string, beard, mints, mp3-player, rocks, and oil into the forge. Then turn on the forge to create Gleipnir.
Tie Gleipnir to both the cracked statue of Alex and the golf cart. Drive the cart elsewhere to topple and shatter the statue, freeing the name tag hidden inside it.
a name tag. It's hiding inside the statue of Alex at Special Exhibit Hall 5. Since the statue is made of indestructable indestructium, breaking open the statue is a bit difficult. You'll first need to throw the last vial of destronium at the statue to crack it. Then tie the unbreakable chain, Gleipnir, to both the statue and the golf cart and drive the cart away. The statue will finally shatter into pieces, freeing the name tag. Read the tag, take it, then scan it with the scanner.
a scanner. Jack gives it to you just before he leaves the museum. Scan the name tag with it to create a portal to the space station.
Dr. Dana Elbe's inventory:
a space shovel. You're carrying it. Dig in the cave; you'll find the urn.
Honorable mention:
Paul's wedding ring. Paul's wearing it, and later gives to Samantha in a cut scene.
The urn of GN-z11. Dana picks it up but immediately drops it with the Fenris Wolf's arrival.
the support of Thomas Bøvith, Robin Johnson, Ville Lavonius, Andrew Schultz, Kenneth Hon, Jason McIntosh, Carl Muckenhoupt, Mark Musante, and Phil Tatro;
the generous support of Janice M Eisen and Amelia;