In this game, you once again play as Alex, lovable sociopath. In the last game, you died and you're now in a hellish replica of the house you share with your husband Paul. Your guide in Hell, Paul's dead and evil Uncle Wally, tells you that Paul isn't dead yet but an assassin has been sent after him. You need to reincarnate fast and save him!
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 1 of the game.
The game begins with a conversation between a girl named Marsha and a therapist.
Garden Area (Actually hell)
> x me. x Wally. x Cerberus. i.(You're carrying nothing.)
> x pool. x chairs. x undergrowth. x wall. x door.
> take bone. x this bone.
> talk to Wally. g.(Wally unlocks the door.)
> g. throw bone at Cerberus. take bone.
Learn that Paul's sharing an apartment with the Venusian Warrior Woman, and that one of Frenesié's clones sent an assassin to kill Paul.
> talk to Wally. g. g. g.
Note: You can, instead, reassemble the vase, but you shouldn't.
> x vase. take shard.(Wally claims you failed the first task.)
Note: You can, instead, hug your teddy, but you shouldn't.
> x couches. x teddy. cut teddy. x sawdust.
> w. in.
Caution: Taking the nitro itself is fatal.
> x nitro.
> put sawdust in nitro.(You now have dynamite.)
> out. u.
Note: You can, instead, hug your dad, but you REALLY shouldn't.
> x gravestones. x Vask's. x parser.
> x Dad. x younger self.
> take Vask's. throw Vask's at Dad.
Dad's dead. You learn that the key to the cart is in your heart. Younger self leaves.
> x heart. x chest.
> cut heart. x key.
> d. e. s. s.
Garden Area (Actually hell)
> throw dynamite at Cerberus.(It explodes. Wally falls into the acid pool.)
> climb wall.
> x cart. unlock cart with key.
> open cart. enter cart. e. ne.
At the Gate
> x gate. n.
You've been reincarnated as a housefly! You, Paul, and an assassin, are in an airplane cabin.
> d. e.
You hear the assassin put something in Paul's coffee when he borrows a magazine.
> u. w. d.
Paul has a coffee mug now.
> x coffee. enter coffee.
Paul won't drink a coffee with a drowned fly in it, and you're now in...
Darkness / Leg Area
> e.(You're in a... toilet bag?)
> out. open bag.
You're now a Mercurian rat. The assassin is getting a snake from his own bag.
> out. take bag. e.
Leg Area (East)
> take snake. put snake in bag.
Paul's foot accidentally kills the snake, and then...
...you're Marsha, a little girl two rows down on the plane.
> x me.(You see the assassin draw a gun with silencer.)
> x mother.(Assassin motions Paul to get up.)
> e.(Your seatbelt stops you. The men head to the rear of the plane.)
Incidentally, you won't be able to successfully open your seatbelt until Paul and the assassin have left.
> open seatbelt. e. s.
> x seats. look under seats.(You take the toilet bag.)
> x bag. open bag. x oil. s.
> open cupboard. x keys.
This puzzle is a tribute to my own game, 69,105 Keys, so I knew instantly that I ought to count them.
> count keys.(A man shows up and gives you the unique key.)
> unlock cargo door with unique key.
Oddly, the puzzle with the wedge can be skipped. Oops.
> x Paul —or— x assassin.
Feel free to wait and listen to their entire conversation. Paul is really good at stalling.
> x cart. take wedge.(It won't budge!)
> put oil on wedge. take wedge.
> enter cart. n.
Assassin and cart fall into the sky. Paul rescues you. You quickly tell Paul you're Alex. Then the Sky Marshall arrives.
*** TO BE CONTINUED. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014 ***
Alex is the protagonist, dead, gay, and a lovable sociopath. In The Day I died, he fell into a chasm on Mercury and is now in Hell. Well, not for long.
Your younger self (aged 17 or 18) is digging his own grave in the cemetary.
Wally is Paul's uncle. He's evil, homophobic, and looks like Stalin. He's also dead because you stabbed him in The Day I stabbed Stalin. Now his spirit is your guide in Hell, at least until you make him fall into a pool of acid. He returns as a ghost in The Day of the Queen.
Cerberus is a three-headed dog on top of the wall between the garden area and the golf course.
Your dad, that is, a representation of Alex's dad, is in the cemetery, forcing you to dig your own grave at gunpoint. Although this is the first time we've seen Alex's dad in the series, did this scene really happen in your past?
Also, if you really blew up your parents' house with nitroglyserin, why did previous games claim you ate dinner at your parents' house and that's why you're not hungry at every New Year's party? Did your parents survive that and buy a second house?
A woman representing your mother issues calls to you from the gate of hell.
An assassin sits beside Paul in the plane. He wears a black suit and has a thin, ginger moustache. His mission is to kill Paul.
There's some confusion who sent the assassin. Early in the game, you're told that Frensié's clone sent the assassin, but late in the game, you learn instead that Frensié's boss, the queen of hurts and maladies, ordered Paul's assassination.
Paul is your husband and he has dreamy green eyes. He's in an airplane. Unbeknownst to him, his life is in deadly danger yet again.
A housefly is flying above Paul in the airplane. When you first return from Hell, the fly is the first body you inhabit.
A Mercurian rat was first found and adopted by you in the previous game, The Day I died. Although Paul didn't want you bringing it home with you, it seems he had a major change of mind after you died and brought him back to Earth with him, going so far as to travel with it on an airplane. Your consciousness transfers from the housefly to the rat, briefly. You'll borrow the rat's body again in the next game, The Day of the Queen.
A snake was brought onto the airplane by the assassin, but because of a coding error, you're able to handle it.
Marsha is an 11-year-old girl in a polkadot dress on the plane. Your consciousness borrows her body for the last part of the game, and you'll continue in her body at the start of the next game, The Day of the Queen.
Marsha's mother is on the plane with Marsha, but the story isn't interested in the mother.
A man with glasses, a moustache and a friendly face helps you find the unique key. This man is obviously meant to be me, David Welbourn, and the keys puzzle is a reference to my own game, 69,105 Keys.
The Sky Marshall appears at the very end, interrupting your reunion with Paul.
A therapist talks with Marsha in the flashforward prologue since Marsha seems to have retained quite a lot of Alex's memories as a side-effect of hosting his mind in her body.
Alex's sister is mentioned for the first time. She did ballet, she broke her leg when Alex blew up their parents' house, and currently she's married to a proctologist.
We'll eventually learn that Paul also has a sister in The Day I shot Alex.
The Venusian Warrior Woman, first introduced in The Day I died, is currently sharing an apartment with Paul. Behind the scenes, she'll eventually return to Venus where Alex will visit her in The Day we got a pet.
Vonathan Vask's gravestone is in the Cemetery.
Frenesié is a villian in previous episodes but is currently dead. Paul and the assassin mention her. Oh, and Frenesié now has a clone somewhere?
The queen of hurts and maladies is Frenesié's boss and described as a "dubious entity". The queen ordered Paul's assassin to kill him. This is the first we've heard of her, but the queen's story continues in the next game, The Day of the Queen.
Jim Dale, "that guy from QI", and Stephen Fry are mentioned by Paul and the assassin during their discussion about the Harry Potter audiobooks.
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!* if you try to take the nitro or sneeze near it.
You've suffered a fate worse than death if you give dad a hug or a kiss.
You have died if you try to kill the snake directly or if you carry the snake too long.
TO BE CONTINUED. HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014 if you drive the golf cart into the assassin.
a bone. Take it from the chairs in the Garden Area. You can throw it at Cerberus, but that won't help you.
a shard. It's in the kitchen; when you take one shard, the rest vanish. It's also sharp like a knife.
Cut the teddy bear with the shard; you'll turn the teddy bear into sawdust.
Cut your heart with the shard; you'll find the slippery key inside.
Teddy. Your old teddy bear is on one of the couches in the living room. Don't hug it. Instead, cut it open with the shard to get its sawdust.
Sawdust. Make it by cutting the teddy bear with the shard. Put the sawdust in the nitro (in the Potter Room) to obtain dynamite.
dynamite. Make it by putting sawdust into the nitro that's in the Potter Room.
Once you have dynamite, you'll be able to visit the cemetery.
Throw the dynamite at the Cerberus to get rid of it; you can now climb the wall it was on. As a bonus, Uncle Wally falls into the pool of acid at the same time.
Vonathan Vask's gravestone. It's in the cemetery. Throw it at your dad to kill him and get a clue from your younger self.
a slippery key. Cut your heart (with the shard) to get it. This is clued by your younger self after you kill your dad. The key unlocks the golf cart that's in the golf course.
a toilet bag. After drinking or entering Paul's poisoned coffee as a housefly, you reincarnate into a Mercurian rat in Paul's toilet bag at Leg Area.
As the rat: Open the bag, get out of it, then take it. Put the snake into the bag.
As Marsha: Find the bag by looking under the seats at Row 38. Take the bag and open it; it contains snake oil.
a snake. It's at Leg Area (East). Take the snake and put it into the toilet bag.
Caution: Don't hold onto the snake too long. It will bite you eventually if you don't drop it or put it into the bag.
Snake oil. It's inside the toilet bag when you find it again at Row 54 under the seats. Put the oil on the wedge in the cargo hold.
an unique key. At Cramped Room, first open the cupboard then count the keys. A friendly man will find and give you the unique key in the pile. The unique key unlocks the cargo door.
a wedge. It's in the Cargo Hold, wedged under one wheel of the golf cart. Put the snake oil on the wedge; you can now take the wedge. With the wedge removed, the golf cart can now be driven north. (Note: The game doesn't actually check where the wedge is when going north in the cart!)
your heart and your chest. Open your heart with the shard to find the slippery key.
your wedding ring. You still have it with you in Hell.
a golf cart. There's actually TWO golf carts in this game!
The first cart is in Hell's golf course. Unlock the cart with the slippery key. Drive the cart through the gold gate.
The second cart is in the airplane's cargo hold, held in place with a wedge. Oil the wedge with snake oil and remove the wedge. Now drive the cart north into the assassin.