In this short one-room game, you play as Conan with a very large sword, and an evil wizard has just summoned a wildcat to attack you. Your goal is obvious: KILL EVERYTHING.
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 2 of the game.
SPOILERS AHEAD. Reading a walkthrough prematurely can sometimes diminish one's enjoyment of an interactive fiction game. Please make an honest effort to play the game before reading this walkthrough.
> kill spider.(It hides in a crack in the ceiling.)
> x table. look in hole.
> take worm.(can't reach)
> kill worm.(can't reach)
> x apple. kill it. eat it.(+1)
> x hat. take it. x saturn. x dials.
> turn dials. push saturn.(+1. The hat vanishes.)
> x fly. z.(Repeat waiting until the fly lands.)
> kill fly.(+1. The spider crawls out of the crack.)
> z.(Repeat waiting until the spider is eating the fly.)
> kill spider.(+1)
> x me. x loincloth. x sword.
> remove loincloth. x pin.
> put pin in hole.(+1; worm dead)
> kill loincloth.(+1)
> kill pin.(+1)
> kill door.(+1; bare wall is left)
> throw sword at torch.(+1)
Darkness
CAUTION: Don't try to take the sword in the darkness; you'll fail.
> kill table.(+1)
> kill sword.(+1)
> kill me.(+1)
*** Conan has died. ***
This is the winning ending.
Extras
Characters
Dungeon characters:
A wizard named Weazle is attacking Conan by conjuring dangerous creatures.
A growling wildcat is the first creature that the wizard summons.
A wooden golem is the second creature that the wizard summons.
A little spider is the third creature that the wizard summons. Careful, it is venomous!
A buzzing fly enters the dungeon when the spider first crawls into the ceiling crack.
A tiny woodworm is hiding in a small hole in the table.
Epilogue characters:
The director cuts the scene whenever Conan fails or dies. Which means, yes, you're not really Conan, but an actor playing Conan on a movie set.
Animal handlers or the special effects crew may be asked to fix up whatever mistake you made.
Mentioned:
Stefan Stoppok is box-quoted when the game begins.
Conan's parents were killed by the wizard.
Conan's sister was sold to orcs.
A bear was killed by Conan to make the loincloth.
A chicken was killed by Conan to make the bone pin.
Credits
This is the response to ABOUT:
About Conan Kill Everything: This game began as just a title entry into the "Stupid Title Competition". This mock comp was done by Greg Boettcher to test his Spring Thing 2005 web voting system. (www.springthing.net/stc.htm)
It ranked a fabulous second dumbest. When Øyvind Thorsby posted "I want to play Conan Kill Everything!" on the rec.games.int.fiction newsgroup, I somehow felt compelled to produce this, maybe because - if it's too stupid - I can always pretend that it's dumb on purpose...
Thanks to:
Øyvind for his request and testing,
Thomas Wollersheim, Poster (Mike) and Eric Eve for more testing and suggestions,
Alessandro Schillaci for JIF, a great Java Inform Editor-Compiler-Z-machine-Shell (www.slade.altervista.org/JIF/),
Roger Firth and Stefano Gaburri for scenic.h,
and, of course, Graham Nelson, for creating Inform in the first place.
About the author: Old enough to have played the original Scott Adams games on a Commodore VIC 20, I was delighted to find the genre surviving and even flourishing noncommercially today. This is my first attempt at writing IF. By the way, I never watched a Conan movie. It probably shows.
If you have comments, bug reports or suggestions how to make this game even worthier of its stupid title, please email to: email redacted
Endings
Conan has died. (losing endings)
if the wildcat bites Conan's throat.
if the wooden golem strangles Conan.
if the venomous spider bites Conan.
if Conan pushes the Saturn button without turning the dials first.
if Conan kills himself before everything else is killed.
Conan has failed.
if he steps on the hot torch in the darkness.
Conan has died. (winning ending)
if Conan kills himself after killing everything else.
Inventory
a loincloth. Conan is wearing it.
After the wizard and spider are dead, feel free to remove the loincloth: you obtain a bone pin. Now kill the loincloth. It is now a shredded loincloth.
a very large sword. Conan is wielding it.
For the majority of the game, just hold onto the sword. You use it when killing the wildcat, the golem, the wizard, etc.
After everything but the torch, sword, and Conan is dead, throw the sword at the torch to kill it.
Without explicitly taking the sword in the dark, kill the sword.
a red apple. It falls into the room when Conan kills the wooden golem. (Was the golem made from an apple tree?)
Note that killing the apple with your sword only cuts it into some slices of apple.
Eat the apple to kill it.
a pointed hat. The wizard is wearing it. It's left in the dungeon after Conan kills the wizard.
Examine the hat to note the Saturn button, and look inside the hat to note the dials. First turn the dials, then push Saturn to kill the hat.
CAUTION: If Conan pushes Saturn first, without turning the dials, the hat kills Conan!
Examine the table to note a small hole, and examine the hole to find a tiny woodworm inside. Put the pin in the hole to kill the woodworm.
After the worm is dead, kill the pin. It is now a broken bone pin.
a squashed fly. A fly begins buzzing around the room when the spider first hides in the ceiling crack. Wait for the fly to land somewhere, then kill it.
Conan doesn't need to take the squashed fly. Leave the fly where it is so it tempts the spider to crawl to the fly to eat it. When the spider is eating the fly, Conan can finally kill the spider.
Score
The response to SCORE is:
He has so far scored your-score out of a possible 15, in several turns.
Points are awarded as follows:
1 point for killing the wildcat.
1 point for killing the golem.
1 point for killing the wizard.
1 point for killing the hat.
1 point for killing the fly.
1 point for killing the spider.
1 point for killing the door.
1 point for killing the apple.
1 point for killing the worm.
1 point for killing the loincloth.
1 point for killing the pin.
1 point for killing the torch.
1 point for killing the table.
1 point for killing the sword.
1 point for killing himself.
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