In this silly game, you play as Ryan Veeder, world's greatest detective. You've been summoned by Chief Cheddar to the Delaware Museum of Cheese. He tells you that the Punster, your arch-nemesis, has "set up a collection of pungent punny puzzles in the museum, and if you don't solve them all, the entire place will explode and send de Brie everywhere!"
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 2 of the game.
> help. x me. i.(You're carrying twenty different cheeses.)
Examining all the cheeses is played straight.
> x manchego. x taleggio. x wensleydale. x livarot.
> x havarti. x munster. x provolone. x mascarpone.
> x brie. x parmesan. x chedder.([sic])x gouda.
> x feta. x curds. x danablu. x raclette.
> x camembert. x edam. x swiss. x morbier.
So, uh, shall we go clockwise, starting with northeast?
> x bear.
> give Camembert to bear.(+1000; blue cheese knife revealed)
> take blue knife.
> sw. e.
Church of Cheese
What, you're telling me Gouda wasn't gouda nuff?
> x altar. x window.
> put Swiss on altar.(+1000; green cheese knife appears)
> take green knife.
> w. se.
> x stool. x sign.("OUT OF BEER")
> put Morbier on stool.(+1000; yellow cheese knife appears)
> take yellow knife.
> nw. sw.
> x statue.
> put raclette in hand.(+1000; purple cheese knife appears)
> take purple knife.
> ne. w.
Garden of Cheeseden
> x Eve. put Edam on hand.(+1000; red cheese knife appears)
> take red knife.
> e. nw.
> x stage. x harmonica. x stool.
> put Danablu on stool.(+1000; orange cheese knife appears)
> take orange knife.
On entry, your six knives automatically unlock a secret north passage!
I suppose you thought you should put Taleggio in the nest, but no, that would be wrong.
> x Punster. x tree. x nest.
> put Curds in nest.(+1000; the Punster is defeated!)
*** The End ***
Ryan Veeder, the world's greatest detective, is the player character. The game makes frequent comments on how attractive, intelligent, witty, and heroic you are. You are quite the awesome. (Considering Ryan was the sole judge of the competition that this game was entered in, this abject fawning is a rather blatant attempt at sucking up to the judge.)
Chief Cheddar greets you during the prologue and explains the situation.
The Punster is your arch-nemesis and he's taken over the Delaware Museum of Cheese with his pungent punny puzzles. You'll find him in the Brieding Ground.
A bear, specifically a Kamchatka brown bear, is sitting on something in the Nondescript Room.
The curds become animated bird-shaped curds of prey in the finale.
Pope Fromage IV and a blessed cow are depicted in the Church of Cheese's stained glass window.
Novak Djokovic, a tennis champion, has a statue in the Djokovic Monument room. See TIME Magazine's article about the donkey cheese story.
Eve, the first woman, has a statue in the Garden of Cheeseden.
twenty cheeses. You're carrying all of them. You can eat all of them too, but you shouldn't eat any you need for a puzzle.
some Manchego. Feel free to eat this one.
some Taleggio. Feel free to eat this one.
some Wensleydale. Feel free to eat this one.
some Livarot. Feel free to eat this one.
some Havarti. Feel free to eat this one.
some Munster. Feel free to eat this one.
some Provolone. Feel free to eat this one.
some Mascarpone. Feel free to eat this one.
some Brie. Feel free to eat this one.
some Parmesan. Feel free to eat this one.
some Chedder. Feel free to eat this one.
some Gouda. Feel free to eat this one.
some Feta. Feel free to eat this one.
some Curds. In the Brieding Ground, put the Curds in the nest.
some Danablu. In the Music Hall, put the Danablu on the stool.
some Raclette. At the Djokovic Monument, put the Raclette in the statue's hand.
some Camembert. In the Nondescript Room, give the Camembert to the bear.
some Edam. In the Garden of Cheeseden, put the Edam on the statue's hand.
some Swiss cheese. In the Church of Cheese, put the (holy) Swiss cheese on the altar.
some Morbier. In the Cheese Bar, put the Morbier on the stool.
six knives. When you carry all six of them into the Foyer, they'll all fly away and open a secret passage north for you.
a red cheese knife. It's in the Garden of Cheeseden after you put Edam on the statue's hand there.
an orange cheese knife. It's in the Music Hall after you put the Danablu on the stool there.
a yellow cheese knife. It's in the Cheese Bar after you put Morbier on the stool there.
a green cheese knife. It's in the Church of Cheese after you put Swiss cheese on the altar there.
a blue cheese knife. It's in the Nondescript Room after you give Camembert to the bear there.
a purple cheese knife. It's at the Djokovic Monument after you put Raclette in the statue's hand there.
You have so far scored your-score out of a possible 7000, in several turns.
1000 points for blues music.
1000 points for pairing Adam with Eve.
1000 points for giving a racquet to a tennis player.
1000 points for bringing more beer to the bar.
1000 points for putting something holy on the altar.
1000 points for cajoling a bear.
1000 points for defeating the Punster.
−100 points for putting the wrong thing on the altar.
−100 points for putting the wrong thing on either stool.
−100 points for giving the wrong thing to the bear.
−100 points for putting the wrong thing on either statue's hand.
−100 points for putting the wrong thing in the nest.
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