Key & Compass presents:
by Bill F Lindsay

Bullhockey! is a Glulx interactive fiction game written with Inform 7 and is © 2018 by Bill F Lindsay. It was an entry in IF Comp 2018 where it took 49th place.

In this game, you play as a guy recently dumped by his girlfriend Natalie. In order to recover your sanity, you must find all of your business clothes that she's uncharacteristically scattered out and about town.

This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 1 of the game.


Map 1: Your Apartment

LookoutAvenueat Apts d u Stairs Landing NarrowEntrance LoftBedroom CoinLaundry GateEntrance Natalie'sNook ScuffedBathroom CommunityArea ParkingLot LivingRoom Kitchen MailboxRoom Natalie'sRoom Walk-InCloset ClosetInterior SecretAlcove

Note: I've left off the dreamscape location "White Wilderness" where the game begins, since it's not really part of your apartment, and this map is awkward enough as it is.

Map 2: Lookout Avenue

VacantProperty RaditchHouse ColfaxHouse BlaineHouse MunsenHouse SimmonsHouse BurfordHouse LockridgeHouse Mabel'sHouse CircularPavement JunkyardGate Lawyer'sOfficeLot Handi-cappedApts DentistOfficeLot ClinicEntry TenementBuildingLot FuneralHomeEntry LookoutAvenueat Apts AlleyEntrance FrontYard StreetCorner CornerCurb GateEntrance

Map 3: Center Street

AlleyEntrance MainExit ParkClearing InsideBrock-wood's InsideVacantBuilding StreetCorner CornerCurb Rex'sFront Jerry'sFront Jerry'sBarberShop SmallHall SmallBathroom Brock-wood'sNook Brock-wood'sFront Front ofVacantBuilding BuildingCorner BusinessParking Front ofParkingLot Front ofVacantLot GravelLot TicketPost Amuse-ment ParkEntrance AmidstRubble Front ofDemolish-ed Building CommunityCell BookingArea Front ofPoliceStation

Note that to get to Community Cell, you need to be arreested and are taken directly there, and when you're let free, you go directly to Front of Police Station.

Map 4: Inside Brockwood's

d d FittingRoom StoreCorner BackRoom Brock-wood'sStore MetalLanding Brock-wood'sRoof u u Brock-wood'sFront

Note: The back door into the Back Room never opens.

Map 5: Inside Vacant Building

Vestibule (activatesequence) DimFront Auditorium ClutteredPassage (trampoline) Kitchen GravelLot

Map 6: Bunco Springs Amusement Park

enter car z* d d PainedAscent Top ofWheel WheelPlatform BSAPParking MainExit InevitableDownfall Back ofTrailer InsideTrailer SecondLoop KiddiePark ParkClearing FirstLoop TheTwist CrocodilePen UphillClimb CrockBlockerPlatform PaththroughTrees Path End ThirdFloor SecondFloor TowerBottom z* z* z* z* z* z* throw eggat lever u u Amuse-mentParkEntrance TicketPost

Map 7: Raditch Properties

Back toSmallHouse Field nearSmallHouse In theDoghouse RaditchYard Basement UpstairsBedroom DiningRoom UpstairsHall SittingRoom FrontPorch FrontLawn d DankCell RaditchHouse Foyer d u u (denyNatalie)

Note that you never can take a turn in the Foyer itself; Mrs Raditch will usher you past that location either way, as if the Sitting Room and Front Porch were directly connected.

Map 8: Dank Cell to Mountain Cave

Base ofMountain thereforeI AM PlainWhiteRoom ExerciseRoom The Dot A LittleOff The Dot ConvenientStorageRoom Big Hole A LittleFurtherOff The Dot DankCell DungeonCorner MountainCave u d think Basement WoodsBehindLot (deny Natalie) (flown) Path atCave DarkTunnel MountainPath GrassyField TreeBase On theOak swing on whip d u d

Note: Going north, northwest, or northeast from "On the Oak" is fatal.

Map 9: Walking Home with Natalie

MountainCave (win!) (flown) d StepsDownto Lot Rent-A-Spot Lot Walkwayat Lot WoodsBehindLot Goblins IncFront Corner atLookout StreetCorner AlleyEntrance LookoutAvenueat Apts GateEntrance Nirvana


White Wilderness

> x me. i.

> x obsidian. (You're told your name. If you want a different name, say it now.)

> say YOUR-NAME.

> x stones. x red. (Recover your sanity, symbolized by missing clothes.)

> x dot. x whiteness. n. (You wake...)

Loft Bedroom

Let's begin by getting up and taking inventory:

> x me. i. stand.

> x pants. (3 pockets: left, right, back)

> x shirt. x sneakers. x keyring.

> x car key. x apartment key. x mailbox key. ("9")

> x utility. (Use it to pry things with.)

> x wallet. take it. open it. x license. x photo.

> put wallet in right pocket.

Now give your room a search, picking up useful items:

> x backpack. take it. wear it.

> x desk. x doodles. x art materials. open drawers.

> take note. read it.

> x books. (+2; take a notepad and pen.)

> x notepad. (You're missing 5 shirts, badge, 2 pairs of shoes.)

> look under bed. (+2, take staff)

> x staff.

> x closet. open it. x clothes. close closet.

> x hanging fan. turn off hanging fan. x switch.

> x banister. drum on banister.

> x ceiling fan. (This one's off.)

> x piano. play piano. (Not now.)

> ne.

Narrow Entrance

> x paintings. x art. x books.

> x fan. x switch. push switch with staff. (It stops.)

> n.


> x stairs. (Bookcases are blocking the bottom.)

> x ledge. x books. x owl.

> w.


> x sticky note. (You can't believe Natalie could be this careless.)

> x bookcases. x fallen books. read fallen.

> climb banister. (Not safe with your weight.)

> climb bookcases. (Too unstable.)

> ride banister. (You're unsuccessful.)

Head back to the bedroom to do something drastic:

> e. s. s.

Loft Bedroom

Note that "climb hanging fan" or "ride hanging fan" doesn't work.

> get on hanging fan. (+5; you're now in...)

Living Room

Start searching the rest of the apartment for clues and useful items.

> x bookcases. move bookcases. (You can now do that.)

> x debris.

> x fridge. x chair. (which?)

> x my chair. x white chair.

> search white chair. (You find a small silver key.)

> x silver key.

> open fridge. (No food, and it doesn't seem to be on either.)

CAUTION: This caused a stack overflow error in the earliest release. It's okay in Release 1, Serial number 181011.

> x desk.

> sw.

Natalie's Room

> x hamper. look in it. put hamper in pack.

> open case. x binoculars. wear binoculars.

> put case in pack.

> x mirror. x desk. x paper.

> x bed. look under bed. x window. x curtains.

> x shelving.

> open closet. (locked)

> unlock closet with silver key.

> put silver key in pack.

> open closet. (window light enters the closet)

> look in closet. enter closet.

Walk-In Entrance

> x dresses. s. (too dark!)

> w.

Natalie's Room

> search paper. (You find a wall switch!)

> turn on switch. e. s.

Closet Interior

> search dresses. x rod. x bulb.

> e. (Thinner that way, but you see nothing.)

> n. w.

Natalie's Room

> turn off switch.

> nw. (You trip over something!)

Living Room

Office shoes and a square note have appeared.

> take square note. read it.

> take office shoes. (+10)

> x office shoes. put office shoes in pack.

> put all note in pack.

> ne.

Natalie's Nook

Oddly, no clues here.

> x books. x table. x saucer. x pillow.

> s. e.


> x bin. (empty)

> x oven. open it. (empty)

> x sink. x dishes.

> x window. (see odd flash of red on a roof)

> x red.

> use binoculars on red. (+3; it's your red shirt)

> use binoculars on trampoline. (It's on Brockwood's roof.)

> x appliances. x counters. open cabinets. x door.

> n.

Scuffed Bathroom

> x message. ("Cut off the water, too.")

> x sink. x mirror. x toilet. x tub. x window. x door.

> s. w.

Living Room

Time to head outside and check the rest of the complex:

> unlock front door. w.

Parking Lot

Incidentally, you can walk away from the front door and trust that your character will automatically close and lock it for you.

> close front door. lock front door with apartment key.

> x car. unlock trunk with car key.

> look in trunk. (Find nothing useful.)

> close trunk.

> w.

Community Area

> x posters. x bin. x mail. x box.

> s.

Mailbox Room

> unlock my mailbox. open my mailbox. look in it. (empty)

> close it. lock it. (you take back your keyring)

> put keyring in left pocket.

> n. n.

Coin Laundry

> x washers. x dryers. (all in use)

> s. e. n.

Gate Entrance

> x gate. n.

Lookout Avenue at Apartments

Let's walk west along the the south side of Lookout Avenue and return on the north side:

> w.

Funeral Home Entry

The mailboxes on the south side all look the same.

> x mailboxes. w.

Tenement Building Lot

> w.

Clinic Entry

> w.

Dentist Office Lot

> w.

Handicapped Apartments

> w.

Lawyer's Office Lot

> w.

Junkyard Gate

> w.

Circular Pavement

> n.

Vacant Property

Oddly, the binoculars don't help you see the house any better.

> x house. (can see only the roof)

> e.

Raditch House

> x mailbox. ("800 / Raditch")

> x trees. x house.

> n. (No desire to visit your boss.)

> e.

Colfax House

> x mailbox. ("704 Lookout / Colfax")

> e.

Blaine House

> x mailbox. ("602 Lookout / Blaine")

> e.

Munsen House

> x mailbox. ("508 Lookout / Munsen")

> e.

Simmons House

> x mailbox. ("410 Lookout / Simmons")

> e.

Burford House

> x mailbox. ("304 Lookout / Burford")

> e.

Lockridge House

You'll see more of the Lockridge house in the sequel.

> x mailbox. ("206 Lookout / Lockridge")

> e.

Mabel's House

This is your landlady's house!

> x mailbox. ("102 Lookout / Maybre")

> x gate. x fence. x trees. x mountain.

> use binoculars on mountain.

> s. e.

Alley Entrance

> s. (That's into the alley and of no interest.)

> e.

Street Corner

You'll want to visit Brockwood's first:

> s.

Rex's Front

You will not be visiting Rex's today.

> x awning. x posters.

> s.

Brockwood's Front

> x mannequins. x bell.

> w.

Brockwood's Store

You automatically put your backpack on the counter.

> x Mr. x suits. x shirts. x ties. x hats. x racks.

> x counter. x brown door. ("Employees Only")

> x burgundy sign. ask Mr about Natalie.

> nw.

Store Corner

> x suits. x brown suit. w.

Fitting Room

> x bench. x mirror. (crack in corner?)

> push mirror. s.

Back Room

> x waste basket. take tiny key.

> x desk, x drawer.

> unlock drawer with tiny key.

> open drawer. (gin bottle and ledger)

> x ledger. (He wants someone to take the bottle!)

> x bottle. take bottle. (+5)

> close drawer. lock drawer with tiny key.

> x chair. spin chair. (another key!)

> u.

Metal Landing

> x hatch. (it has a large keyhole)

> unlock hatch with large key.

> u.

Brockwood's Roof

It's not yet clear what the trampoline is really for.

> x trampoline. jump on trampoline.

> x red shirt.

> d.

Metal Landing

> close hatch. (You lock it as well.)

> d.

Back Room

> n. (Not with the keys.)

> put tiny key in liner. put large key on chair.

> n.

Fitting Room

Don't worry about hiding the bottle. Boldly carry it unhidden.

> close mirror. e. se.

Brockwood's Store

Brockwood sees the bottle and allows you to steal it but he gives you a warning.

> take pack. (You automatically leave the store with it.)

Brockwood's Front

> wear pack. s.

Front of Parking Lot

> w.

Business Parking

> read message. x railing.

> nw.

Brockwood's Nook

> x tap. x drain. x driveway.

> pour gin. turn tap. fill bottle. (+2)

> turn tap. put bottle in pack.

> se. e. n. e.

Front of Vacant Building

This is the building that you saw has your red shirt on the roof.

> x logo. ("M A C E--24 HOUR SECURITY")

> x windows.

> s. e.

Gravel Lot

> x doorway.

> ne.

Building Corner

Note: You can't put the lantern into your pack, nor may you carry it as far as the street. But you will need it to see inside this building.

> x lantern. take it.

> sw. n.


> x zapper. x bench. x Walter. x nametag.

> x magazine. x lunchbox.

> ask Walter about zapper. ask Walter about magazine.

> ask Walter about lunchbox. ask Walter about building. (science museum)

> ask Walter about nametag. ask Walter about MACE.

> ask Walter about rehab. (He falls down once in a while.)

He suddenly opens up: he'll let you "play security" in here for some gin.

> ask Walter about Brockwood.

> give bottle to Walter. (+3)

> wear nametag.

> n.

Darkness / Cluttered Passage

> turn on lantern.

> take roll and page.

> read page. (features a Rube Goldberg cartoon)

> n.


There's a lot to take in here.

> x engine. x trough. x spigot.

> x large letter. x crank. x hatch.

> x stage. x bathtub. x see-saw.

Looks like it's missing something, doesn't it?

> w.

Dim Front

> x scaffolding. use binoculars on scaffolding.

> push scaffolding east.


In case you haven't guessed, everything in this puzzle is a reference to Archimedes: the engine uses an Archimedes' screw, the rod is a tribute to his work on levers, and the bathtub is a reference to the Eureka story.

First: position the scaffolding to its proper place, which is NOT the large letter.

> push scaffolding to engine. (bucket is now under tops of pipes)

Second: position the bathtub so the statue will fall into it.

> turn crank clockwise. (bathtub is now over the edge of the stage)

> turn crank clockwise. (Now the statue and tub are set.)

> x tub.

Third: position the see-saw so the tub will fall on one end.

> push see-saw to stage. (maximum potential!)

Fourth: free up your hands. That is, drop the lantern, wear everything that's wearable, and put any loose items into your pack. Make sure you can get onto the see-saw. You only have one chance to get this right!

> drop lantern.

> put roll in pack. put page in pack. put notepad in pack.

> wear staff.

> get on see-saw. stand.

> save.

Fifth: Turn on the the water, then the engine, then get on the see-saw and wait!

> turn on spigot.

> turn on engine.

> get on see-saw.

> z. z.

Water fills bucket. Statue falls in tub. Tub falls on see-saw. Walter arrives in time to see you flung up through the hatch. You grab the red shirt, bounce off Brockwood's trampoline, and land in your kitchen via the window. (+10)


> x red shirt. ("Monday", orange lipstick, shirt pocket.)

> look in red shirt pocket. (You get a $10 bill.)

> put red shirt in pack.

> x bill. take wallet. open wallet. put bill in wallet.

> x wallet. put wallet in right pocket.

> x screen. x nametag. (Maybe not go near Walter again.)

Now that you have money, let's go get a haircut at Jerry's.

> w.

Living Room

> unlock front door. w.

Parking Lot

> n. n. e. e. e.

Corner Curb

> x curb. x drain. x grating.

> open grating. (rust stops you)

> pry grating with utility key. (not enough leverage)

> put keyring in left pocket.

> s.

Jerry's Front

> x awning. look under mat.

> e.

Jerry's Barber Shop

> x magazines. x pictures.

> x Jerry. (He's missing his glasses.)

> ask Jerry about glasses. (Fell off on curb outside somewhere.)

> x chair. (screwdriver between the cushions)

> take screwdriver. (Not without sitting in the chair.)

> e. e.

Small Bathroom

> x report. x towel. take towel.

> x wind. (There's a missing ceiling tile.)

> x sheet. take sheet. (out of reach)

> stand on toilet. (nope)

> take report. stand on shelf.

> take sheet. (+2; it's a barber bib)

> x bib. put bib in pack.

> put bath towel in hole.

> stand. put report on shelf.

> w. w.

Jerry's Barber Shop

Feel free to chat with Jerry about a few topics.

> ask Jerry about bib. (someone walked off with one)

> ask Jerry about towel. (he thinks he put it in the ceiling hole)

> ask Jerry about haircut. (buzz cut for $8)

> ask Jerry about fishing.

> ask Jerry about Brockwood. (He has a drinking problem.)

Okay, let's get a haircut:

> sit on chair.

Jerry opens a drawer and throws your white shirt around your neck.

> take screwdriver.

> z. (repeat until haircut finished)

> take wallet. open it.

> give bill to Jerry. (You let him keep the change.)

> put wallet in right pocket.

Don't forget to pick up your stuff!

> wear pack. wear staff. wear binoculars.

> w. n.

Corner Curb

> pry grating with screwdriver.

> open grating. take spectacles. (+3)

> x spectacles. put screwdriver in pack.

> close grating.

> s. e.

Jerry's Barber Shop

> give spectacles to Jerry. (+2; you get a pass to the amusement park)

> x pass. (free pass for one adult and one child)

> ask Jerry about amusement park.

> give bib to Jerry. (+10; you get your white shirt!)

> x white shirt. put it in pack.

Let's find that park:

> w. w. s. s. s.

Amusement Park Entrance

Don't go in just yet. There's a demolished building I want you to see first.

> x gate. x booth. x marquee. x fence.

> s.

Front of Demolished Building

> x tower. read sign. x yellow flag.

> use binoculars on yellow flag. (It's one of your shirts.)

> nw.

Amidst Rubble

You won't be getting in this way, but you can at least try.

> x rubble. x short tower. x entrance. x boards. x door.

> x windows. x fence.

> pry boards with screwdriver. (not good enough)

> put screwdriver in pack.

> climb short tower. (too sheer)

> se. n. w.

Ticket Post

> read sign. ($20 for adult; $10 for child)

> x trailer. x Chester. x textbook. x earphones.

> ask Chester about textbook. (mentions switch that operates barrier)

Since you'll only be allowed to visit the park once, I strongly suggest saving the game before using your ticket.

> save.

> show pass to Chester. (He punches it and raises the bar.)

> w. (+2)

Park Clearing

> put pass in pack.

> listen. (You still hear Chester's muzak.)

> x wheel. (It faces south.)

> x rollercoaster. (near a swamp)

> n.

BSAP Parking

It's important to get the popcorn early in your visit to the park, since the Ford leaves the park after you ride the Ferris wheel.

> x Bug. ("WETCHET" license plate)

> x Ford. ("2REXY4U")

> search Ford. (you get a white paper bag)

> x bag. x popcorn.

> sw.

Kiddie Park

> x bench. sit on bench.

> x duck. x pond. x crocodiles. x fence. x swamp.

> x sign. (don't feed crocs; don't climb fence)

> stand. enter pond. (duck doesn't want to share)

The sign said nothing about feeding the duck, though:

> give popcorn to duck. (It fetches an egg-shaped rock for you.)

> take rock. x rock.

> put rock in pack. put bag in pack.

> n.

Wheel Platform

> x Rex. x local newspaper.

> x kiosk. (switch and lever inside)

> x car.

> ask Rex about Ferris wheel. ask Rex about newspaper.

> ask Rex about Jerry.

> ask Rex about Brockwood. (He's Chester's uncle)

> ask Rex about Chester. (wants to be a chemist)

> ask Rex about Walter. (cut off)

> ask Rex about duck.

> ask Rex about rollercoaster.

> ask Rex about Janice. (had an emergency this morning)

> ask Rex about wish sandwich. (He doesn't know that topic. Drat.)

> enter car. (He'll stop wheel at top so you can use binoculars.)

Pained Ascent

> x car. (hub gets closer into view)

> z. (hub in full view)

> z. (going above hub)

> z. (approaching apex)

> z.

Top of Wheel

The wheel stops. You only have five turns up here, so use them wisely. You absolutely must use the binoculars on the blue splotch to know that your blue shirt is there.

> use binoculars on blue splotch. (It's your blue shirt.)

> use binoculars on swampy area. (You see things moving around in it.)

> use binoculars on trailer. (It has an open skylight.)

> use binoculars on fence. (All sides but south, where the demolished high school is.)

> use binoculars on demolished. (Yellow shirt still on flagpole.)

The wheel lurches into motion:

Inevitable Downfall

> z. z. z. z. z. (You disembark. Rex leaves for lunch.)

Wheel Platform

I strongly suggest touring the rest of the park before attempting to ride the rollercoaster.

> e. e.

Main Exit

CAUTION: If you leave to the southeast, you can't re-enter the park!

> s.

Back of Trailer

CAUTION: Don't search for the key yet! You won't be able to use it, drop it, or put it into anything.

> x door. open door. (locked)

> nw. s. s.

Path through Trees

> x trees.

> sw. s.

Tower Bottom

> x tiles. x indentation.

> u.

Second Floor

> x window.

> u.

Third Floor

It's not immediately obvious that the skylight is out of reach.

> x window. x statue. x bench. x skylight.

> open skylight. (can't)

> d. d. n. ne. n. sw.

Crock Blocker Platform

> x car. (which?)

> x red car. x orange car. x yellow car.

> x green car. x blue car. x purple car.

> x sign. (which?)

> x green sign. (Leave personal possessions on platform.)

> x red sign. (closed)

> x kiosk. (green lever probably starts it all.)

> n.

Crocodile Pen

> x sign.

> s.

Crock Blocker Platform

Before riding the rollercoaster, make sure you drop your pack and staff here, and put any other loose objects in your pack. It's okay to leave stuff in your pockets.

> drop pack. (You drop the staff as well.)

Now take the rock, get into the last car and save your game; you only get one shot at this. And as far as I can tell, the only way to find out that you should ride in the last car is by trial and error.

> take rock. enter purple car. save.

Get ready, because after the ride is over, events will move fast!

> throw rock at lever. (you see the rock bounce north)

Uphill Climb

> z. z. z.

First Loop

Any handheld items and backpack items are lost here, so I hope you left them on the platform instead!

> z. z. z.

Second Loop

If you ride in the purple car, the wind aids you, and you get the blue shirt!

> z. z. z. (+10)

The Twist

> z. z. z.

Crock Blocker Platform

The ride stops. There's a ticking noise in the control booth.

> out. search booth. (You acquire a ticking lead pipe.)

> x pipe. ("21")

Uh-oh. You're now racing against the clock.

> take pack and staff. n.

Crocodile Pen

> take egg.

Now run to that skylight in the tower:

> s. e. s. sw. s. u. u.

Third Floor

> put strip on pipe. (forming an X)

> get on thinker. (which is like climbing it)

> put pipe on skylight. (this is where it belongs)

Now run to the back of the trailer. You don't want to be anywhere near the tower when stuff starts falling.

> d. d. n. ne. n. n. se.

Back of Trailer

> look under ticket trailer. (You find a white key.)

BANG! Chester runs out to his car to call the police. You can't rest yet! A hawk drops a yellow thing onto the trailer.

> unlock door with white key. s.

Inside Trailer

> read college notebook. (You take Chester's diary.)

> read large text book. (chemistry)

> x skylight. take yellow shirt. (+10)

> n. (You automatically replace the key.)

Back of Trailer

> wear pack. x blue shirt. x yellow shirt.

> put blue shirt, yellow shirt, roll, rock in pack.

Now wait for the police. Chester's diary will clear you of blame as far as the bomb is concerned, but Walter's complaint against you will put you in jail.

> z. (Repeat until arrested. +15)

Community Cell

> x blue man. (Bob wants to know what you want.)

> ask Bob about Bob. (He's an accountant for Rex.)

> ask Bob about Rex.

> x brown man. ask Bob about brown man. (That's Rodger, Bob's assistant and bodyguard)

> ask Bob about jacket. (+2)

Bob drops your green shirt and tells you a story about a bird with a woman's head dropping it in the gutter.

> tell Bob about green shirt. (+10)

> ask Bob about police.

> x green shirt. ("Friday")

> ask Bob about harpy.

> z. (repeat until freed)

Eventually, the sergeant lets you all out. The building owner won't press charges, but Walter is still resentful. Bob and Rodger go. You're now at...

Front of Police Station

Now that you have all five shirts you'll be nagged to go home and get some sleep, but in Natalie's bed. This won't be subtle.

> x cars.

> n. n. n. n. n. n.

> w. w. s. s.

Parking Lot

> take keyring. unlock front door. e.

Living Room

> lock front door. put keyring in left pocket.

> sw.

Natalie's Room

It's best not to take the diary.

> lie on bed. ("find my diary"... and it's right beside you.)

> read diary. (You learn today's magic word. Also: whisper it.)

> stand. turn on switch. e. s.

Closet Interior

The magic word is randomized.


> e.

Secret Alcove

CAUTION: A bug in the game will occur if you don't explicitly take the velvet bag and gain these ten points. Without this achievement, the mailman and delivery man will never arrive later.

> x bag. take bag. (+10; you tie it to your waist)

> x table. x cards.

> x top row. x devil. x hanged. x temperance.

> x bottom row. x chariot. x five. x magician.

> x middle row. x hermit. x tower.

> x deck. x black card. take it. (Death!)

> w. (The portal disappears after you go through.)

Closet Interior

> n. w.

Natalie's Room

You hear a truck and a knock on the front door. (At least you should, or you've run afoul of that bug I just mentioned.)

> nw.

Living Room

> unlock front door. open it.

You get a black wooden box. The delivery man grins evilly and drives off. The mailman also drives off.

> x black box. read label.

> open black box. x sphere.

> look in sphere. (See image of Natalie bound to a chair in a laundry room!)

> w. w. s.

Mailbox Room

> take keyring.

> unlock my mailbox. open it. take junk mail.

> lock my mailbox. put keyring in left pocket.

> x junk mail. search it. g. (+2; find an invitation)

> x invite. (to a gala buffet at boss's house)

> n.

Community Area

> put junk in bin.

> put box and invite in pack. (Oddly, the box won't go in.)

Go to your boss's house:

> e. n. n. n.

> w. w. w. w. w. w. w. n.

Front Lawn

> x house. x trees. x garden. x stones. x garage.

> x Pinto. ("LOT2EET"; Rick likes to eat)

> x Mustang. ("H0TSCOT")

> n.

Front Porch

> x sign. (Push the button. Don't knock or step on the mat.)

> x mat. look under mat.

Change your shoes and take the invite before ringing the doorbell:

> remove sneakers. (You put the office shoes on simultaneously.)

> put sneakers in pack. take invite.

> push button. (+3; Mrs Raditch lets you in)

Sitting Room

> x Mrs. (Joan)

> x Scotty. (aka Kissass)

> x John.

> x fireplace. x portrait.

> n.

Dining Room

> x dashed-off note. (Ruffy, the dog, eats shoes.)

> x Rick. x chicken. eat chicken. (Rick blocks you)

Unhappily, Rick hogs all this food; you can't eat any of it.

> n.

Raditch Yard

> x Ruffy. (hungry) x doghouse. (huge)

> x short fence. x tree. x longues.

> pet dog. (no) w. (no) kick dog. (no)

You can't do anything here yet. Go back to the sitting room.

> s. s.

Sitting Room

CAUTION: Don't go south. Mrs R will usher you out and you won't be let back in.

> search fireplace. (find a switch)

> turn on switch. (not winter yet)

Just wait here until Mrs R starts dusting Scotty's face.

> z. (Repeat until Scotty leaves.)

John goes upstairs. Follow him!

> u. n.

Upstairs Bedroom

> x paperback. ("The Prince")

> open drawer. put ponderous key in back pocket.

> close drawer.

> put John's shoes in pack.

> s. d. n. n.

Raditch Yard

Careful! Don't give John's shoes directly to Ruffy.

> throw John's shoes at tree. (He climbs the tree and attacks the shoes in the neighbor's yard.)

> w. (+3)

In the Doghouse

> x mass. take dress shoes. (+10)

> put dress shoes in pack.

> x cushion. x doggy bowl. x water bowl.

> unlock padlock with ponderous key.

> w. (+2. You re-lock it after you're through.)

Field Near Small House

> wear sneakers. put office shoes in pack.

> x house. x fence. x grass.

> w. (You leave the key in the padlock and continue to...)

Back to Small House

The orb and box fly to the cellar doors and shatter. Huh.

> x metallic object. take it.

> push disc. (The blade pops out. You push it back in.)

You automatically put the knife in your back pocket. Take the hint and leave it there.

> open cellar doors. d.


> x Natalie. untie handkerchief. untie ropes.

> give mojo to Natalie.

But you don't give it. You hesitate, strongly suggesting that Natalie should not have it.

> ask Natalie about kidnappers. (she won't discuss anything)

Be stubborn and just wait.

> z. (Repeat until she turns into a giant Mabel-harpy and takes you to...)

Dark Cell

Some forced input:





> i. (You still have the switchblade in your back pocket.)

> x chair. x rope.

> push disc. (blade is now out)

> cut rope with knife. g. g. (You're now untied.)

> close knife. i. stand. (+5)

> e.

Dungeon Corner

> x torches. n.

Convenient Storage Room

> take all from alcove.

> wear pack. wear binoculars. wear staff.

> n.

Exercise Room

CAUTION: Staying here too long is dangerous.

> x exercycle. (connected by chains to machine)

> x machine. (has metal cuffs and no weights?)

> x hoops. (manacles)

> x crank. x bath. x wheel.

> turn crank. (The hoops rise and lower.)

> turn wheel. (The bath opens; it's an iron maiden with a white key.)

> take white key. put it in back pocket.

> u.

Base of Mountain

> take stick. close door. e.

Darkness / Tree Base

The glowstick's light doesn't last too long. Try not to dawdle too much until you can get to somewhere with light.

> break stick. (it's a glowstick, of course)

You'll need to be hands-free to climb.

> put stick in pack. u.

On the Oak

CAUTION: Going along any of the northern branches is fatal.

> look in hollow. (you find a whip!)

> x whip. ("MABEL" and white tag)

> x white tag. ("A gift from the one that got away.")

> x branch. (which?)

> x strong branch. whip strong branch.

> swing on whip. (+10)

Grassy Field

The light stick will dim over time.

> x stars.

> w. ne. s. sw.

Plain White Room

The lightstick will go out soon after arriving here.

> x map. (Dot in lower left quarter)

> take it. (It pulls you to brown door.)

> open brown door. sw.

The Dot

> read sign. ("YOU ARE HERE")

> x map. (Now the dot is in the center.)

> take sign. (can't)

> e.

A Little Off The Dot

This location seems pointless.

> x map. (Dot is left of center.)

> w.

The Dot

> x white door. open it. (locked)

> unlock white door with white key. put white key in back pocket.

> s.

A Little Further Off The Dot

> x book. (by Rene DesCartes)

> take book. (too heavy)

> x desk.

> x map. (Dot near top of map.)

> n.

The Dot

> think. (+7; You lose the map and are pulled upwards to...)

....therefore I AM.

Get the badge quickly; if it burns up, you'll be in trouble later.

> x fire. (Your security badge is in it!)

> take badge. (+10; you wear it.)

> x badge. x braziers. x hole.

> d. (You need to invent something like a grappling hook.)

> put staff in hole. (+2)

> tie red shirt to white shirt. (short rope)

> tie green shirt to rope.

> tie blue shirt to rope.

> tie yellow shirt to rope. (long rope)

> tie rope to staff.

> d. (+10; You climb-fall to...)

Big Hole

By the way, it's not immediately obvious that you now have the long rope again.

> x rope. put it in pack.

> s.

Mountain Cave

> untie Natalie. (knot is too confusing.)

Natalie says to pick up the Tarot card.

> take card. x it. (Lovers)

> take knife. push disc. cut string with knife.

You free Natalie, but then light fills the cave and now two Natalies face you. Which to give the mojo to?

Ask one of the Natalies a bunch of questions, but none of her responses will help you.

> ask Left Natalie about me.

> ask her about shirts.

> ask her about tarot.

> ask her about mojo.

> ask her about piano.

> ask her about diary.

> ask her about staff.

> ask her about dress shoes.

> ask her about alcove.

> z. (Continue waiting unless you can think of more topics.)

Eventually, one of the Natalies will use today's magic word (eg: "fooble") and the other one says "bullhockey". Only the true Natalie would know today's magic word.

> give mojo to CORRECT Natalie. (+15)

Natalie knocks out Mabel, transforms herself into a swan-girl and flies you to...

Woods Behind Lot

Natalie becomes human again, and says you need to get home ASAP.

> n. d. e. s.

Goblins Inc Front

Note Natalie's comment that disguises would be helpful.

> s. s. w.

Alley Entrance

> x feet. (It's Bob and Rodger.)

> tell Bob about Natalie. (Text dump!)

You and Natalie disguise yourselves at Bob and Rodger.

> w. s.

Gate Entrance

> s. (+20. The gate closes behind you.)

Your disguises are blown, but Mabel crashes into the closing gate!

Mabel is taken to hospital and arrested; she loses her house and the apartements. You lose your job and regain it. Your apartment gets refurbished.


> x gray stone. n.

*** You have won. Congratulations for getting back your ruined clothes, and totally destroyed shoes, and coming back to your vandalized apartment, having run off with two other guys' clothes, mangled your boss's dress shoes, and having destroyed an old bird. But you have recovered the love of your life. And thank you again, YOUR-NAME, for playing my game....

And look for BULLHOCKEY 2!!!! ***





The credits are shown when you examine the blue stone in the White Wilderness.


I want to thank Graham Nelson, Emily Short, Michael Gentry, Andrew Plotkin, Hanon Ondricek and the other authors and contributors of the design system I used-- Inform 7--to create this game.

I would also like to thank the many experts on the webpage BBS for their input, hints and outright solutions to some of the challenges and pitfalls that I faced in creating this game.

I also thank my longtime girlfriend for her priceless aid in plot configuration, story details, and other aspects of the game's creation.

A lot of thanks to Mogwai, the playtester who did not hesitate to be the first to state his interest in playtesting my game, and to "Mathbrush", also from Intfiction, who did one of the final tests and offered more helpful comments and suggestions.

Special thanks to Ryan Veeder, for his helpful tips and tricks.

And finally, much thanks, in advance, to the many people who will hopefully try their hand in this work of interactive fiction. Your help will be appreciated.


Note also that you can easily make the game unwinnable in several ways, for example:


Home initial items | Brockwood's items | Vacant building items | Jerry's items | Amusement park items | Jail items | Home again items | John Raditch's items | Dungeon to ending items

Home initial items
Brockwood's items
Vacant building items
Jerry's items
Amusement park items
Jail items
Home again items
John Raditch's items
Dungeon to ending items


If you haven't scored any points yet:

In several turns, you still haven't done anything to earn points. Get a move on!


So you have earned your-score out of a possible 218, in several turns.
Thus is the extent of your worth.

Thank You to my Patreon supporters

This walkthrough was funded via Patreon with