Key & Compass presents:
The Bony King of Nowhere
by Luke A. Jones

The Bony King of Nowhere is a Quest 5 interactive fiction game and is © 2017 by Luke A. Jones. It was an entry in the Main Festival of Spring Thing 2017. A sequel to this game, Citizen of Nowhere, was published in 2019.

In this game, you play as a Northerner living a quiet life in your hovel with your faithful dog, Dylan. When you step outside, a foul-mouthed pigeon drops a letter at your feet, but when you look at it, you learn to your dismay that it's addressed to the Bony King of Nowhere who lives far to the south, and that you must now deliver the letter personally to the King or be executed. Well that's just perfect.

This solution is by David Welbourn.

SPOILERS AHEAD. Reading a walkthrough prematurely can sometimes diminish one's enjoyment of an interactive fiction game. Please make an honest effort to play the game before reading this walkthrough.


YourHovel NorthernMeadow TheDesolateBeach The Topfloor ofWindmill SouthernMeadow Coley'sMill TheWindmill NorthernWoods WoodlandClearing Northbankof theRiver Void Southbankof theRiver Void SouthernWoodlandDell InsideForsakenCavern OutsideForsakenCavern WitheredHeath BreweryKitchen Top ofStoneStairs TheGiant'sBathroom Top ofStoneSlide MidlandMarshes Banks'sBrewery OutsideCityGates Banks'sBreweryYard Beppe'sPizzaria CityPlaza MerryJohn'sInn PrisonCell37927 PrisonCell37927b Courtyard in u out use raft in u u in d (wait) out d in out d d d out attack general


Your Hovel

> x me. i. x dog. (Dylan)

> pet dog. x hair.

> x furniture. x bed.

> x chest. open it. x axe. take it.

> x fireplace. x stone. x shovel. take it.

> sharpen axe. (using hearthstones)

> x rags. take rags.

> out.

Northern Meadow

A cursing pigeon drops a letter; you take it.

> x letter. (The letter is for the King who lives far to the south.)

> s.

Southern Meadow

> x tree. x apple. take it.

> chop tree. (with sharp axe)

> x logs. take logs.

> e.

Coley's Mill

> x pump. x windmill. in.

The Windmill

> x Wendy. x table. x jug. (empty)

> take jug.

> x stairs. x mouse. u.

The Top floor of Windmill

> x mousetrap. (You take its cheese.)

> x cheese.

> d.

The Windmill

> give cheese to mouse. (It gives you a business card in return.)

> x card. ("Gerald T. Mouse, freelance adventurer")

> out.

Coley's Mill

> fill jug. (using the pump)

> in.

The Windmill

> pour water on Wendy. (She wakes up.)

> ask Wendy about windmill.

> ask Wendy about mouse. (or about mousetrap)

> ask Wendy about axe.

> out. n.

The Desolate Beach

> take bottle. x it. ("FLY")

> open bottle. take scroll. x scroll.

You learn that the Bony King is imprisoned, and that General D'sarray now controls the castle. There's also a musical score on the back, Adagio in G Minor.

> x sea.

> dig. (You take a glass sphere.)

> x sphere. (dirty)

> clean sphere. (using rags)

> x sphere. (reflects inverted image)

> s. w. s.

Northern Woods

> x oak. x door. x sign. ("Gnome Chompsky, Master Weaver and Tailor")

> x litter.

> s.

Woodland Clearing

> x thyme. x hovel. x mug. take it. x rod. take it.

> s.

Northbank of the River Void

> x river. x reeds. take reeds.

> weave reeds. (You lack the skill.)

> n. n.

Northern Woods

> knock on door.

> give reeds to gnome. (He weaves them into a rope.)

> x rope. ask gnome about bridge.

> s. s.

Northbank of the River Void

> tie rope to logs. (You've made a raft.)

> x raft. use raft. (You use the shovel as an oar.)

Southbank of the River Void

Continue to carry the raft with you. It's no burden.

> se.

The Southern Woodland Dell

> x caravan. x horse. x tinker. x backgammon.

> speak to tinker.

> ask tinker about horse. (Dobby)

> ask tinker about backgammon. play backgammon.

> give rod to tinker. (He'll fix it if you get his wheat milled for him.)

> x wheat.

> nw. use raft. n. n. n. e. in.

The Windmill

> give wheat to Wendy. (She mills it, then gives you flour.)

> x flour.

> out. w. s. s. s. use raft. se.

The Southern Woodland Dell

> give flour to Tinker. (He hands over the fixed fishing rod.)

> x rod.

> give apple to horse. (You've made a friend!)

> nw.

Southbank of the River Void

> fish. (You catch a golden fish.)

> use raft.

Northbank of the River Void

> fish. (You catch a silver fish.)

> n. n. n. e. n.

The Desolate Beach

> fish. (You catch a copper fish.)

> s. w. s. s. .s. use raft. se. s.

Outside the Forsaken Cavern

> x cat. in. (The cat stops you with its claws.)

> e.

Withered Heath

> x horehound. (like mint, but leaves are too shrivelled)

> w.

Outside the Forsaken Cavern

> give copper fish to cat.

> give silver fish to cat.

> give golden fish to cat. (Gerald arrives in musketeer outfit.)

> give cheese to mouse. (Gerald attacks the cat then runs away. The cat chases after him.)

> in.

Inside The Forsaken Cavern

The glass sphere lights up so you can see in here.

> x bat. x droppings.

> speak to bat. (Answer three riddles and win guano. Are you ready?)

> yes.

> clock. (correct!)

> speak to bat.

> dice. (correct!)

> speak to bat.

> blood. (correct!)

> take guano. (using the mug)

> out. e.

Withered Heath

> use guano on horehound. (It plumps up.)

> x horehound. take horehound.

> w. in. s. d.

The Giant's Bathroom

> fish. (Gerald arrives.)

> x Gerald. (He's in a scuba suit!)

> give cheese to Gerald. (He dives and pulls the plug. The water and Gerald go down the hole.)

> look. x hole. x giant's hair. take it.

> d. d.

Midland Marshes

> x city. se.

Banks's Brewery Yard

> x cooper. x barrels.

> talk to cooper. (He has a hangover; mentions Gaffer.)

> x stool.

> in.

Banks's Brewery

> x tank. x kettle. x tun. x pint.

> take pint.

> n.

Brewery Kitchen

> x cupboard. open it. x juice. take it.

> x drawer. open it. x opener. take it.

> open tin. (with opener)

> x fridge. open it. x celery. take it. close fridge.

> x freezer. open it. x ice. take ice. close freezer.

This recipe isn't mentioned anywhere in the game that I know of. I had to guess which ingredients to use.

> put ice in pint.

> put tomato juice in pint.

> put celery in pint.

> put dog hair in pint.

> i. (Pint glass now contains a Bloody Mary Cocktail.)

> s. out.

Banks's Brewery Yard

> give pint to cooper. (He gives you a growler of bitter.)

> x growler. x Cooper. x barrels.

> nw. s.

Outside City Gates

> x guard.

> s. (The guard won't let any northerners inside.)

> give growler to guard. (He unlocks the gate for you.)

> s.

City Plaza

> x fountain. x pigeon. speak to pigeon.

> ask Jon about king.

> ask Jon about coughing.

> ask Jon about general.

> ask Jon about crumbs.

> e.

Merry Jack's Inn

> x pool. play pool. (No more of that.)

> x dartboard. play darts. play darts. play darts. (No more of that.)

> x Jack.

> x Gnome. speak to Gnome.

> x bandit. play bandit. play bandit. play bandit. (You win 3 coins! No more of that.)

Two guys (one very tall and one very short) deliver a piano.

> x piano. play piano. (It's out of tune. Gerald arrives.)

> x mouse. (He has a small metal lever.)

> give cheese to mouse. (He tunes the piano and leaves.)

> play piano. (You play the Adagio from the scroll.)

Jack gives you a message to get to the Loyalists. He's off to organize resistance forces.

> x message. ("Attack at dawn")

> x coins.

> give hair to gnome. (He weaves the Giant's hair into a giant rope.)

> w. w.

Beppe's Pizzaria

> x Beppe. x counter.

> give coins to Beppe. x pizza.

> e.

City Plaza

> give pizza to Jon. (to solve his hunger problem)

> give horehound to Jon. (to solve his coughing problem)

> give message to Jon.

Jon carries the message south. General D'sarray arrives. Gerald arrives.

> x General. x mouse.

> give cheese to mouse. (Gerald charges, but the general swats him over the city walls.)

> attack general. (You and your axe and your dog are no match for the general and his soldiers.)

Prison Cell 37927

The Bony King greets you. He's your dad.

> x king. x straw. x bars. i. (You have nothing.)

Considering that the king is your father and that you're both imprisoned, you two have remarkably little you want to talk about. And yet this reunion seems to be the entire focal point of this exercise. It's so strange.

> speak to king. ask king about general.

> move straw. (find a loose stone)

> move stone. d.

Prison Cell 37927b

> x stones.

> z. (Repeat waiting. It won't be long.)

Soldiers arrive and take you three to...


You, the King, and Dylan (!) are tied to stakes. The General and a firing squad arrive. Then boomerangs from Batbat and Gerald knock out the General and some of the soldiers. Loyalists capture the other soldiers. The King thanks you, but you're going home.

*** The END ***

Credits follow.

Y'know, I can sympathize with the player-character's disinterest at game's end, since the story didn't really need him to be there. The letter that started this whole thing got lost, was never delivered, and didn't actually matter. In the mid-story, all the real heroics was done by Gerald T. Mouse. And the player-character wasn't really needed to rally the Loyalists and rescue the King. Jack could've taken on that role, dealing with Jon's problems before handing over the message. And even though there's tens of thousands of prison cells, they decide to put you into the same cell as your father? This is more fishy than Jasper the Cat's breath.







These credits are displayed after you win the game:


Written and coded by Luke A. Jones (email redacted), using the Quest text adventure engine (

Thank you to Alex Dimmer for creating the artwork and to Jennifer Thompson and Joe Dillon for alpa and beta testing, and for their excellent suggestions for improvements.

Thanks also to the excellent support from the Quest forum members, a more friendly bunch of geeks you won't meet.

I was inspired to start writing text adventures after playing and testing the wonderful games by Robin Johnson, you should check them out:

The title of the game comes from a song in an episode of Bagpuss by Oliver Postgate

The pigeon was inspired by the twitter account @pigeonjohn

Be excellent to each other.




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