You are some guy who, after a night of drinking and proclaiming that you'd sell your soul for a chance with the lovely Gwyneth, wakes up in a literal "Mall of Hell". It seems Lucifer overheard you and although he doesn't want your soul, he will give you your chance with the lovely Gwyneth if you can defeat all seven deadly sins all of whom can be found somewhere in the mall.
This solution is by David Welbourn, and is based on Release 4 of the game.
> read note.(It's from Lucifer. Defeat all seven deadly sins or else. Also, there's three bonus items to find. The note burns up.)
> x me. i.(You have nothing.)
> x table. x can. look in it.(Empty.)
> x pile.(It's Gluttony.)x zombies.
> ask Gluttony about Gluttony. ask Gluttony about food.
> ask Gluttony about zombies. ask Gluttony about devil.
> ask Gluttony about mall.
Outside Snowball's Ice Cream Shoppe
> x awning. n.
Inside Snowball's Ice Cream Shoppe
> x jacket. take it.
> x shelf.(You find and take a pair of pliers.)
> x pliers.
> x machine. push button.(It makes a sundae.)
> take sundae. x it.
Don't give the sundae to Gluttony just yet.
> s. sw. n.
> x garden. x fountain. x window. x lake. x demons.
> x escalators. x hatch. open it.
> x knob.(Broken off and set to "slow".)
> x mass.(It's Sloth.)
> ask Sloth about Sloth.(It's not talkative.)
> turn knob with pliers.(+10; Sloth is flung through the roof.)
> turn knob with pliers.(Back to slow.)
With Sloth gone and the escalators back to slow, it's okay to ruin the pliers:
> put pliers in fountain.(This leaves you with just the handle.)
Outside Wrong Aid Drugstore
> x windows. e.
Inside Wrong Aid Drugstore
By the way, you can never read what's etched on the fishbowl.
> x counter. x sign. x fishbowl. x seed. take seed.
> w. w. w.
Outside Acme Novelties
> x mural. w.
Inside Acme Novelties
Note that the salesgirl's mutterings are hints about some of the puzzles.
> x banner. x salesgirl. x tape. take it.(World's worst insults.)
> x racks. search racks. x packet.(Stomach Quake pills)
> e. e. u.
> x demon.(It's Lust.)
> x soul.
> x posters —or— x marquee.
> ask Lust about Lust.(He ignores you because you're male. Huh.)
> ne.("No cutting the line!")
Outside Hell Of A Workout
> x machine. push button. x bottle.(It's unholy water.)
Inside Hell of a Workout
> smell. x spikes. x demon.(It's Wrath.)
> ask Wrath about Wrath.(He just swings at you.)
> x robot.(Has slot in its head.)
> look in slot. take music.(+10.)
> put insults in slot.(+10. Wrath and robot co-explode.)
> s. s. w.
Inside Hell's Hardware
> x demon. x tools. x counter. read sign.
> ask demon about guarantee.(He'll replace any broken tool with a hammer.)
> give pliers to demon.(Norm gives you a hammer.)
> x hammer.
> e. s.
Outside Veronica's Secret
> x window. s.
Inside Veronica's Secret
> x demon.(It's Pride.)
> s. open door.(Pride stops you.)
> x alarm. pull alarm.(Noisy.)
> ask Pride about Pride. ask Pride about me.
> ask Pride about Devil.
> kiss Pride.(He presents his ring to you. To kiss, I guess. There's no ring there, though.)
> n. e.
Outside the mall offices
> x John. x succubi. x machine.(Has compartment to put things into.)
> ask John about machine.(It's an "un-un" machine. It removes un's.)
> i.(Note that you have unholy water.)
> put bottle in machine. x bottle.(It's now holy water.)
> ask John about succubi.
> ask succubi about John.(They just giggle.)
Inside the mall offices
> x system. x bin.(Empty.)
> open bottle. pour water in bin.(The bottle vanishes.)
> x mop head. take it.(Wig-like.)
> n. e. s.
Inside World of Torture and Science!
A demon salesgirl gives you a free model plane when you enter.
> x plane. x flier. take it.
> x demon. x counter. x toys.
The salesgirl ignores all attempts at conversation, so nothing much to do here.
> n. w.
Outside the mall offices
> i.(Note that the paper is unimportant.)
> put paper in machine. x paper.(+10. It's a sonnet about Gwyneth!)
> e. n. e.
Inside Hell's Republic
> x salesdemon.(His name is Nolan.)
> x display. x demon mannequin. x dog. x bone.
> take bone.(Nolan ignores you.)
> w. n.
Outside the First Circle Bank of Hell
> x ball.(It's Greed.)
> x ATM. x bills. take bills.(You're too slow.)
> ask Greed about Greed.(He just bounces past you.)
> n.(A demon stops you, requesting you return when you have enough money.)
> w. d. n.
Outside Pets from Hell
> x hellhound. x awning. x window.
> give bone to dog.(It dies and the people give you its collar.)
> x collar.(It's wearable.)
> s. s.
> open packet. x pill.
> hit pill with hammer. put powder on sundae.
> wear jacket.(This satisfies the zombies.)
> give sundae to Gluttony.(+10. Gluttony vomits himself entirely into the trash can.)
> remove jacket. drop it.
> search trash.(You find a dollar bill.)
> n. u. e.
Outside the First Circle Bank of Hell
> put dollar in plane.
> throw plane.(+10. Greed chases it over the rail and goes THUD.)
> w. d.
> x hole.(Dirt underneath appears to be rich.)
> put seed in hole. x rose. take rose.(+10.)
> u. w. s. s. s.
Inside Veronica's Secret
> pull alarm.(+10. Holy water destroys Pride's outfit. He leaves.)
> open door. s.
> x catsuit. take it. wear it.
> wear collar. wear mop.
> n. n. n. n. e.
> ask Lust about Lust.(He tries a pickup line.)
> kiss Lust.(+10. Lust spurts and leaves. The soul gives you her ticket.)
> x ticket.
If you feel uncomfortable with the idea of going home in kinky drag, return to the fitting room and remove the wig, collar, and catsuit. Otherwise, you can go straight to the ticket booth:
> x green demon.(It's Envy.)
> give ticket to Envy.(+10. He disappears. Exit north is revealed.)
> fuck.(+1 for profanity; it's the last lousy point.)
> xyzzy.("Crowther and Woods, please report to the mall office.")
You're home with Gwyneth's presents, which you promptly give to her.
*** You have won ***
The seven deadly sins that you must defeat:
Gluttony initially appears to be a pile of garbage in the Food Court.
Sloth is a mass of flesh blocking your way up the escalator.
Lust is represented by a heterosexual male demon in Hell's Octoplex.
Greed appears to be a bouncing dodge ball grabbing dollar bills Outside the First Circle Bank of Hell.
Pride is Inside Victoria's Secret.
Wrath is a small demon at Inside Hell of a Workout.
Envy is a green demon in the Ticket Booth.
Other assorted demons:
Calculating John is outside the mall offices. He's friendly and fussing with a machine.
Nolan is a snooty salesclerk inside Hell's Republic. He is polite but disdainful and unhelpful.
Norm is the salesclerk in the hardware store.
A perky salesgirl operates the World of Torture and Science.
Another salesgirl is unconscious on the floor of Acme Novelties, muttering clues in her sleep.
A trio of succubi are hanging around Calculating John.
A snotty demon stops you if you try to enter the bank.
A hellhound is leashed to the door outside the pet shop. It looks really dangerous.
Some trapped customers are inside the pet shop, unable to get past the hellhound.
A tired female soul is being hit on by Lust outside the theatre.
Some zombies are bringing food treats to Gluttony.
Prologue and epilogue characters:
Gwyneth is a lovely woman you really really want a date with.
Lucifer is the Devil and the ruler of Hell. He's willing to help you date Gwyneth if you can first defeat all seven deadly sins in his Mall of Hell.
a spiffy white jacket. It's on the shelf at "Inside Snowball's Ice Cream Shoppe". You need to be wearing the jacket to get past the zombies that surround Gluttony in the Food Court.
a pair of pliers. Obtain them by searching the dusty shelf at "Inside Snowball's Ice Cream Shoppe".
First, at the Atrium, search the escaltors to find a 'maintence' hatch; open the hatch to reveal a control knob. Turn the knob with the pliers to change the speed of the escalators. The first time you turn the knob from slow to fast, you'll get rid of Sloth. Turn the knob again with the pliers so you can use the escalators safely.
Next, again at the Atrium, put the pliers in the fountain to ruin them; they are now the sorry remnants of a pair of pliers. Give the ruined pliers to Norm in "Inside Hell's Hardware" to get a hammer.
an ice cream sundae. Push the green button on the ice cream machine at "Inside Snowball's Ice Cream Shoppe" to create a sundae. You can only have one sundae at a time. Put some white powder on the sundae. Then, while wearing a white jacket, give the doctored sundae to Gluttony in the Food Court to defeat him.
a seed. It's in the fishbowl on the drugstore's counter. After defeating Greed, go to the Atrium and put the seed in the new hole there. The seed immediately grows into a rose. Take the rose home to Gwyneth.
a tape of "The world's worst insults". It's in "Inside Acme Novelties". Put it in the slot of the robot in "Inside Hell of a Workout" to defeat Wrath.
a packet of Stomach Quake pills. Obtain it by searching the racks at "Inside Acme Novelties". Open the packet to obtain a small white pill. Hit the pill with your hammer to create a small quantity of white powder. Put the powder on the sundae.
a bottle of unholy water. When at "Outside Hell Of A Workout", push the button on the machine to get a bottle of unholy water. Take it to "Outside the mall offices" and put the bottle in the machine there; it becomes a bottle of holy water. At "Inside the mall offices", pour the holy water into the bin; the bottle itself vanishes. Now you can pull the alarm at "Inside Veronica's Secret" to defeat Pride.
a tape of romantic music. It's in the slot of the robot in "Inside Hell of a Workout". Take it home to Gwyneth.
a really nice hammer. Obtain it by giving the ruined pliers to Norm in "Inside Hell's Hardware". Hit a white pill with the hammer to create white powder.
a mop. It's at "Inside the mall offices". While wearing the catsuit, the collar, and the mop head, go to Hell's Octoplex and kiss Lust to get rid of him and also obtain a ticket.
a plane. Obtain it by entering "Inside World of Torture and Science" for the first time. It contains an unimportant paper. Take the paper and put the dollar into the plane. Now at "Outside the First Circle Bank of Hell", throw the plane to defeat Greed.
an unimportant paper. It's a flier inside the model plane. Put it into the machine at "Outside the mall offices" to turn it into an important piece of paper. This is a lost sonnet. Take it to home to Gwyneth.
a bone. It's in the display at "Inside Hell's Republic". At "Outside Pets from Hell", give the bone to the hellhound. The dog dies and you'll get its collar.
a dog collar and leash. The hellhound at "Outside Pets from Hell" is wearing it. Give the bone to the hellhound. The dog dies and you'll get its collar. While wearing the catsuit, the collar, and the mop head, go to Hell's Octoplex and kiss Lust to get rid of him and also obtain a ticket.
a dollar. After defeating Gluttony, obtain the dollar by searching the garbage that's now inside the Food Court's trash can. Put the dollar in the model plane. Then at "Outside the First Circle Bank of Hell", throw the plane to defeat Greed.
a catsuit. It's in the Fitting room. You'll only be willing to put it on or take it off there, and you can't wear the jacket with it. While wearing the catsuit, the collar, and the mop head, go to Hell's Octoplex and kiss Lust to get rid of him and also obtain a ticket.
a movie ticket. To obtain it, wear the catsuit, collar, and mop head, then kiss Lust at Hell's Octoplex. At the Ticket Booth, give the ticket to Envy. If he's the last sin remaining, he'll defeat himself and you can now go home to Gwyneth.
You have (so far) scored total-points out of a possible 101, in several turns, meaning that you have rank.
1 point for proving profanity is no substitute for wit
10 points for teaching Gluttony the virtues of moderation
10 points for putting a speedy end to Sloth
10 points for setting off Wrath's explosive temper
10 points for finding out that Pride has little to be proud of
10 points for proving that Greed is not always good
10 points for demonstrating that Lust is not the wisest of sins
10 points for showing Envy that you should be proud of who you are
10 points for proving that a rose is not just a rose
10 points for having good taste in music
10 points for knowing poetry will melt a woman's heart.