My Prose and Other Writings

I'm creating this page on a whim. I'm not sure exactly how much I've got for a page like this, to be honest. Writing webpages can be like plants. First you have to plant the seed. With care and time, that seed can grow into a mature plant. Likewise, webpages can start small and simple. There's plenty of time to add more content and make it look fancy. (For the longest time, I didn't even bother with a website since I didn't think I had anything to say. It's gotten bigger, hasn't it?)

Talk Like A Vulcan

Once upon a time, I was in an amateur stage production called Star Trek: The Motion Sickness, which was a fan parody of Star Trek: The Motion Picture. If you saw that movie, you may remember an early part when the Vulcan priestess tells Spock, in Vulcanese, that he has not achieved Kolinahr. Since the original scene had been filmed in English, the Vulcanese had the curious quality of sounding similar to its English translation, as if the Vulcanese would make perfect sense if I would just listen hard enough.

I forget what the first draft of the parody script had for that scene; it may have actually played it straight. In any case, I rewrote it completely, replacing "Kolinahr" with "cookie jar", for example. I tried to use words that either sounded similar or had the same rhythm as the original. Although well received, my fellow cast members felt it could go further, particularly with the food references. This is the Vulcanese that we used on stage:

Four Andrew sisters cast their animal crackers, patés and hero ham sandwiches.
Here rice was spammed by the attire of cookie jar.
Cookie jar: through which all mortals are fatally fed.
Who's foot long dog in the mouth, Spot.
Noun receive fromage this seaweed and totalled okra chow.

Hot sauce: gimme, gimme. Two munchies, Spot, bun and tomato.
These convulsions calling yoohoo from spaz.
Touché vous not Gary Hart, Spot. Vous granola cheese cookie jar.
Lemon potions are not fire extinguishers.
Buy your hamburgers at St. Elsewhere.
He will not empty his bowl with us.

Liver croissant and pepsi, Spot.

Index / davidwelbourn(a)hotmail*com / Last Updated: October 2003.